Author Topic: MY side of the fucking story.  (Read 537 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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MY side of the fucking story.
« on: May 30, 2012, 06:36:56 pm »
I have it on good authority that almost everything that is wrong in the world can be traced back to MY FACE.  I am also informed that the things that AREN'T caused by MY MOM.  Who would say such awful things to their spiritual advisor, you may ask? 

Why, Freeky, of course.

This is just ONE REASON that you should never listen to a word that woman says.  She is WRONG, and she KNOWS she is wrong, and she feeds people false information JUST FOR KICKS.  She is utterly and completely bankrupt in any moral sense, and ethically, she is a vast, festering pit of MALICE and DEGRADATION. 

I mean, ask around.  I am the kindest, most compassionate bastard on this planet.  It is because of MY GOOD GRACES and my intercession with ALIEN GODS that said alien gods don't come down here and SNORT YOUR SOULS LIKE COCAINE.  How's that grab you?  Without ME in the way, YOU are nothing but a bag of CHEAP CRANK.

No.  The problems that plague the world are on account of CRAM'S BEARD and LMNO's lack of 'STACHE.  An example:  My toilet is so clogged up that the breather pipe out by the street vomits out shit and toilet paper every time I flush.  Sure, the plumber's been called, but the toilet tank fills up really fast, and I think I can flush it at least 20 more times before he shows up.  Cleanup is IN HIS CONTRACT, and when he begins to curse at me and weep, like he always does, I shall simply show him a picture of LMNO's hairless mug and tell him WHY I must do these HORRIBLE THINGS.

And as far as Cram goes, he's a fucking terrorist.  If there was any REASON employed by DHS, they'd have shoved him and his smug grin in a fucking hole YEARS AGO.  Well, actually his beard is the terrorist, but WHO GREW THE FUCKING THING IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Anyway, I just wanted You People to know that Freeky is full of shit when she talks all that smack about me.  I'M not the problem, YOU PEOPLE are the fucking problem.  YOU MAKE NO FUCKING SENSE.  If any of you really loved me, you'd kill yourselves today.

Or Kill Me.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Nepos twiddletonis

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2012, 06:43:43 pm »
Hi Reverend! Did you have a good time being dead?
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2012, 06:45:27 pm »
Hi Reverend! Did you have a good time being dead?

It's getting to be a little routine.  Lay in the box, hate hate hate.  Then Howl fucks something up, and it's burst out of the ground, eat the rector, and shamble back off to work, groaning about brains.
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Cainad (dec.)

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2012, 08:00:13 pm »
I have it on good authority that Dr James Semaj got so overwhelmed with the shit he had to save the world from, he went underground and actually took over the business of modern Horror. Something about "if you can't beat 'em...", I think. Wanted to make sure that if all the awful shit couldn't be stopped, there might as well be someone sensible in charge of it all.

LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2012, 08:03:00 pm »
I shave to punish you all for Katy Perry's existence.
LMNO
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Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

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"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2012, 08:03:15 pm »
I have it on good authority that Dr James Semaj got so overwhelmed with the shit he had to save the world from, he went underground and actually took over the business of modern Horror. Something about "if you can't beat 'em...", I think. Wanted to make sure that if all the awful shit couldn't be stopped, there might as well be someone sensible in charge of it all.

"If you can't beat 'em, join them to death."
- Squiddy

Dr James was a fine man, but he had the wrong values.  And it killed him.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2012, 08:03:45 pm »
I shave to punish you all for Katy Perry's existence.

Now wait just a damned second!  I have spoken out against Katyism on many occasions!
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LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2012, 08:04:27 pm »
FOR THE SINS OF TAYLOR SWIFT, I STRIKE AT THEE!
LMNO
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First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2012, 08:05:14 pm »
FOR THE SINS OF TAYLOR SWIFT, I STRIKE AT THEE!

This is one of those times that I wish I was Asian.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #9 on: May 30, 2012, 08:20:49 pm »
NARY A HAIR ON THE UPPER LIP WHILST LADY ANTEBELLUM STILL DRAWS BREATH!
LMNO
Pope/Wrought Iron Instigator
First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

Tiddleywomp Cockletit

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #10 on: May 30, 2012, 08:22:50 pm »
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????
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Cainad (dec.)

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #11 on: May 30, 2012, 08:25:28 pm »
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

I've been going over the data, and I have determined that Nickelback actually exists in God's blind spot.

Luna

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #12 on: May 30, 2012, 08:34:25 pm »
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

That one's mine.  I smite quietly.

ANYBODY can smite with thunderbolts and hitting with cars and with with horrible exploding toilets.

Me?  I take PRIDE in smiting.  When I smite you, you get stuck in bus stations for DAYS.  When I smite you, all of your underwear crawls under your bed to die on the morning of that big job interview.  When I smite you, your internet goes down just when you need it.  Your phone shorts out just before that REALLY IMPORTANT CALL.  When I smite you, your boss makes you work overtime the day of your big date.  Your socks don't match.  You need two classes to finish your degree, and they're scheduled for the exact same times.  Your toilet paper runs out, the ONE time you don't check to see it's there before you take that horrible dump.

One big, hard smite is one thing...  But the little smitings that pile up to make you pull out your hair and scream?  THAT'S for Nickelback.

Or kill me.
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I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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Tiddleywomp Cockletit

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #13 on: May 30, 2012, 08:41:38 pm »
WHY IS NO ONE SMITING THE EARTH FOR NICKELBACK? IS THERE NO GOD?????

That one's mine.  I smite quietly.

ANYBODY can smite with thunderbolts and hitting with cars and with with horrible exploding toilets.

Me?  I take PRIDE in smiting.  When I smite you, you get stuck in bus stations for DAYS.  When I smite you, all of your underwear crawls under your bed to die on the morning of that big job interview.  When I smite you, your internet goes down just when you need it.  Your phone shorts out just before that REALLY IMPORTANT CALL.  When I smite you, your boss makes you work overtime the day of your big date.  Your socks don't match.  You need two classes to finish your degree, and they're scheduled for the exact same times.  Your toilet paper runs out, the ONE time you don't check to see it's there before you take that horrible dump.

One big, hard smite is one thing...  But the little smitings that pile up to make you pull out your hair and scream?  THAT'S for Nickelback.

Or kill me.

Nigel was right. The Luna one really IS a good one. :lulz:
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: MY side of the fucking story.
« Reply #14 on: May 30, 2012, 09:42:20 pm »
Oh, yes, she is literally oozing Holiness™ out of every orifice.

Update:  The plumber has come and gone, and I am "a fucking asshole who should be nailed to an overpass".

 :lulz:

:digtbk:
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