I'm (still) a Discordian because...

[Eater of Clowns]

I can't afford to be a subgenius.

they won't let me leave - help I'm trapped in a Chaos factory.

That's my American dream.

I forgot my myspace password and can't quit the group.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I can't afford to be a subgenius.

they won't let me leave - help I'm trapped in a Chaos factory.

There's nowhere to leave TO.  There IS NO OUTSIDE.

Please keep your screaming to a low roar.

[Eater of Clowns]

there is no cheesegrater sharp enough to get rid of that tattoo.

I never read the Principia and found out what all this even was about.

it gets a lot of youtubers upset just to think about.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

there is no cheesegrater sharp enough to get rid of that tattoo.

I never read the Principia and found out what all this even was about.

it gets a lot of youtubers upset just to think about.

But when you come right down to it, would you want to get rid of that tattoo?  Would you want happy youtubers?  Do you REALLY want to walk outside during daylight, and see things the way they REALLY are?  Do you have some overpowering need to see the glass-bottomed lake that exists where THEY say New York City is?  Do you ABSOLUTELY have to see the weird line in the ground that marks the space fold that contains Arizona?

No.  You don't.  So load up on caffeine and bourbon, and hit the WHAT ARE YOU LISTENINGS TO thread, and pretend that "outside" is something other than a HORRIBLE FUCKING NIGHTMARE...And try not to listen to the scratching noises at your door.  And for God's sake, don't open it, whatever you do.

[LMNO, PhD (life continues)]

Because of quantum HIGGS BOSON, BITCHES.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Because of quantum HIGGS BOSON, BITCHES.

You laugh now.

There'll be HIGGS BOSON HEALING by the end of next week, if it hasn't cropped up already.

[Eater of Clowns]

because you motherfuckers deserve nothing less.

because I'm bringing them all down with me.

because I can't shake the FABULOUS, even when it gives me an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

because the Law of Fives, somehow.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

because you motherfuckers deserve nothing less.

because I'm bringing them all down with me.

because I can't shake the FABULOUS, even when it gives me an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

because the Law of Fives, somehow.

THERE MUST BE 23 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I am still a Discordian because I was BORN WRONG and because I am by nature a criminal.  Also, it's nice to have people to discuss my horrible fetishes with, because their fetishes are WORSE, so they don't get all grossed out.  Hell, LMNO's most vanilla fetish requires metal tongs and a welding helmet, so the shit I do is pretty tame by comparison.  It's like watching COPS...No matter how fucked up YOU are, there's always someone even MORE fucked up.  Difference is, you can tell who's going to jail on COPS based on whether or not they wear a shirt, and you can tell who's eventually going to jail on PD.com based on whether or not they post.

[LMNO, PhD (life continues)]

because you motherfuckers deserve nothing less.

because I'm bringing them all down with me.

because I can't shake the FABULOUS, even when it gives me an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

because the Law of Fives, somehow.

THERE MUST BE 23 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.

A RUSTY TROMBONE, JOAN
A SANDPAPER HANDY, MANDY
STAB A HIPSTER WITH A PEN, KEN
A TRACHEOTOMY THAT WENT BADLY, HADLEY

[Misery's Fried Dough]

...I can.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

because you motherfuckers deserve nothing less.

because I'm bringing them all down with me.

because I can't shake the FABULOUS, even when it gives me an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

because the Law of Fives, somehow.

THERE MUST BE 23 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.

A RUSTY TROMBONE, JOAN
A SANDPAPER HANDY, MANDY
STAB A HIPSTER WITH A PEN, KEN
A TRACHEOTOMY THAT WENT BADLY, HADLEY

JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK, BUCK
MAKE A MECHANICAL MAN, FRAN

[Eater of Clowns]

because I still make stuffed chard leaves on the regular thanks to LMNO.

because Luna has bribed me with baked goods.

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

because in that same auction, I won a free case of Discordia every week for life.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

because Roger bought the rights to my name out from under me at a back alley auction.

I didn't want to...But Nigel said if I didn't get her those rights, she'd pull my spine out through my urethra.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm still a Discordian so that I have something to do other than blather my opinion about something I saw on the news that nobody will even remember two weeks from now.  I think it SUCKS!  Or it's HILARIOUS!  I just make sure I HAVE an opinion about every flash in the pan like every other dumbass and then post it on the internet so everyone will know what it is.  And I make sure it's sarcastic or ironic so people will know I am cool.  Especially if it's a "tragedy," then I say it was a conspiracy and then everybody knows I am also hip.

That celebrity died. Ha ha!
That plane crashed. Ha ha!
That politician said something. What an asshole! Ha ha!
That disaster happened. It's a conspiracy! Ha ha!

See?  Tiresome.  That's why I'm a Discordian.