Author Topic: Familiar (feedback desired)  (Read 549 times)

Placid Dingo

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Familiar (feedback desired)
« on: July 25, 2012, 02:06:20 pm »
Nil
« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:10:53 pm by Placid Dingo »
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2012, 12:47:15 pm »
Nil
« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:11:17 pm by Placid Dingo »
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Juana Go?

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2012, 03:57:28 pm »
Hmm, interesting. When I get home, I'll go through and suggested some edits, but I'd like to see you keep going until then if you have the material.
“Call me sentimental, but there’s no-one in the world that I’d like to see get dysentery more than you.” — David Nicholls (One Day)

Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2012, 09:37:44 pm »
Hmm, interesting. When I get home, I'll go through and suggested some edits, but I'd like to see you keep going until then if you have the material.

Thanks. The quality of the writing is sketchy at best right now but I'm open to any feedback.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Moe_Hill

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2012, 01:27:26 pm »
You don't know me, but I'm enjoying this, it's very captivating. I think people will have no problem relating to this near-future. The theme of the setting feels important and relevant. Maybe the first two paragraphs could do with a make-over, they seem to me to be of a lower order of quality than the rest of it. I'd like to read more

Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2012, 11:22:43 pm »
Thanks Moe.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

The Right Reverend Nigel

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2012, 01:43:26 am »
I haven't really had time to read it, but at some point I will.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2012, 01:52:02 pm »
Nil
« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:11:46 pm by Placid Dingo »
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.