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Author Topic: Familiar (feedback desired)  (Read 352 times)

Placid Dingo

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Familiar (feedback desired)
« on: July 25, 2012, 02:06:20 pm »
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« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:10:53 pm by Placid Dingo »
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If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2012, 12:47:15 pm »
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« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:11:17 pm by Placid Dingo »
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If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Juana Go?

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2012, 03:57:28 pm »
Hmm, interesting. When I get home, I'll go through and suggested some edits, but I'd like to see you keep going until then if you have the material.
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Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #3 on: July 31, 2012, 09:37:44 pm »
Quote from: Secret Agent GARBO on July 31, 2012, 03:57:28 pm
Hmm, interesting. When I get home, I'll go through and suggested some edits, but I'd like to see you keep going until then if you have the material.

Thanks. The quality of the writing is sketchy at best right now but I'm open to any feedback.
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If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

Moe_Hill

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2012, 01:27:26 pm »
You don't know me, but I'm enjoying this, it's very captivating. I think people will have no problem relating to this near-future. The theme of the setting feels important and relevant. Maybe the first two paragraphs could do with a make-over, they seem to me to be of a lower order of quality than the rest of it. I'd like to read more
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Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #5 on: August 11, 2012, 11:22:43 pm »
Thanks Moe.
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If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

M. Nigel Salt

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2012, 01:43:26 am »
I haven't really had time to read it, but at some point I will.
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Placid Dingo

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Re: Familiar (feedback desired)
« Reply #7 on: August 15, 2012, 01:52:02 pm »
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« Last Edit: December 22, 2012, 12:11:46 pm by Placid Dingo »
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If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.
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