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Author Topic: When Things Go Horribly Wrong  (Read 2173 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« on: September 09, 2012, 10:07:20 pm »
EDIT:  I posted the above before I gained a clear understanding of the situation.  The specific example is retracted.

It is impossible to have any form of relationship with another human without ceding some form of control to that person.  This applies if you're partners, friends, enemies, whatever.  You can't avoid this without becoming a hermit.

Most important would be the relationship you have with your friends, as you cede more control to them than anyone else.  The problem occurs when the friend starts to enjoy that control more than they enjoy you as a person.  At that point, the relationship becomes unhealthy.  If allowed to continue, it becomes ALL about control.  You become their drug.  You become something they can punch around a bit when they've had a bad day.

The tendency is to maintain the friendship despite that sort of thing, because who doesn't value their friends?  And who wants to walk away from years of friendship?  Nobody, of course, which causes people to hang around in seriously dysfunctional relationships.  This is usually not harmful, but eventually it will lead to a disaster, when the friend decides to play control games while something important is happening.

Obviously, I'm talking about what just happened between Nigel, Alty, and I...But I think the observation was worth writing down as a general statement.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2012, 05:46:08 pm by The Good Reverend Roger »
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 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2012, 10:27:22 pm »
Interesting point:  When someone picks up an ism, all of their available control over you will be bent towards making you blindly accept their ism.  This even works for a time, at least with me.  Then when everything goes in the shitter, you say to yourself "What the FUCK was I thinking?  I just spent 2 months trying to squeeze my hairy ass into someone else's uniform."
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2012, 10:50:06 pm »
This is all correct. It's also better to break off the relationship when it's freshly dysfunctional than to wait until it's metastasised and it takes a Doomsday Weapon to end it.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2012, 10:54:21 pm »
Quote from: v3x on September 09, 2012, 10:50:06 pm
This is all correct. It's also better to break off the relationship when it's freshly dysfunctional than to wait until it's metastasised and it takes a Doomsday Weapon to end it.

Apparently, that was taken care of for me.  In any case, live and learn, collect some scars, get back upright, and think about today instead of yesterday.
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2012, 12:16:28 am »
It's upsetting and anger-fying when that happens.
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If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 09, 2016, 11:54:09 pm
As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2012, 12:17:13 am »
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on September 10, 2012, 12:16:28 am
It's upsetting and anger-fying when that happens.

Yeah, but the train has left the station.  There's no reason to keep running, is there?
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2012, 12:18:53 am »
Definitely not, but do you stick around for the next train or take a taxi?
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If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 09, 2016, 11:54:09 pm
As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2012, 12:19:28 am »
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on September 10, 2012, 12:18:53 am
Definitely not, but do you stick around for the next train or take a taxi?

There'll be other trains.
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2012, 12:20:17 am »
Sound reasoning.
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If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

Quote from: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 09, 2016, 11:54:09 pm
As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in

Nephew Twiddleton

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2012, 12:24:24 am »
Im still not exctly sure what happened. A bit of a head scratcher.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2012, 12:25:40 am »
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on September 10, 2012, 12:24:24 am
Im still not exctly sure what happened. A bit of a head scratcher.

It's just The Future, doing what it does.  Nothing you'd want to get your sleeve caught in.
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2012, 12:31:45 am »
Gotcha. I suppose this is what happens when im not caught up on particular threads (or real life for that matter). Something happens and i just have to say to myself "i have no clue what just happened."
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Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2012, 12:33:31 am »
Quote from: Nephew Twiddleton on September 10, 2012, 12:31:45 am
Gotcha. I suppose this is what happens when im not caught up on particular threads (or real life for that matter). Something happens and i just have to say to myself "i have no clue what just happened."

I was there and I'm not sure what happened.
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" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Tiddleywomp Cockletit

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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2012, 12:49:56 am »
I was there and I don't even know what to say.

Fuck.
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Re: When Things Go Horribly Wrong
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2012, 02:49:17 am »
I only caught a small bit of it, I think.  Drawing on my past, though, I've had instances where friends of mine have gotten to a point in their lives where they just needed a good freak out and some cool down time mainly due to a variety of life circumstances manifesting all at once.  I'm not saying this is what happened but rather offer an objective alternative. 

On the other hand, I've rightly dissolved friendships where I ended up being subject of abuse.  I'm not saying this is what happened either as there's no way I could know,  but just wanted to keep it even.
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