Author Topic: The Audience is Listening, part I  (Read 562 times)

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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #15 on: September 21, 2012, 09:26:01 pm »
Warning: I'm about to honestly critique this work.

What does the investigation team fear or represent?

I liked it overall, but the juxtaposition doesn't make so much sense, and it was mentioned before that there are perhaps too many things going on.

I'm not sure what I think of the dead crew being called the audience. There is no link between them and the club scenes, so it confuses me a bit.

/critique.

This would make an excellent short story!
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #16 on: September 21, 2012, 09:27:06 pm »
Warning: I'm about to honestly critique this work.

What does the investigation team fear or represent?

I liked it overall, but the juxtaposition doesn't make so much sense, and it was mentioned before that there are perhaps too many things going on.

I'm not sure what I think of the dead crew being called the audience. There is no link between them and the club scenes, so it confuses me a bit.

/critique.

This would make an excellent short story!

That's going to be how it has to be written, because the idea I had didn't work.  Not all of them DO.
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Freeky Queen of DERP

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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #17 on: September 21, 2012, 09:46:34 pm »
Yeah that happens sometimes. The idea is cool, though
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #18 on: September 21, 2012, 10:11:50 pm »
My brain keeps trying to construct a story where, at the moment of the explosion, the guys in the truck get knocked into their subconsciouses where they assume the roles of the other characters in the story, only the story doesn't reveal that's what is going on until the end.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2012, 10:36:45 pm »
My brain keeps trying to construct a story where, at the moment of the explosion, the guys in the truck get knocked into their subconsciouses where they assume the roles of the other characters in the story, only the story doesn't reveal that's what is going on until the end.

The guys in the vehicle were already toast.  The fire team found them that way when they opened the crew door.

I need to redo this completely.
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2012, 01:01:04 am »
The initial attempt was interesting enough to garner critique, so it's not a total loss.
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2012, 01:31:52 am »
Truth be told, I thought I was just retarded/too sleep deprived.

I was interested but had no idea what to make of it.
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #22 on: September 22, 2012, 03:41:48 am »
Truth be told, I thought I was just retarded/too sleep deprived.

I was interested but had no idea what to make of it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant by "temping for Twid."
You generally like Roger's OPs but need time to digest them, and this time around I needed that time.
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #23 on: September 22, 2012, 03:54:55 am »
Truth be told, I thought I was just retarded/too sleep deprived.

I was interested but had no idea what to make of it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant by "temping for Twid."
You generally like Roger's OPs but need time to digest them, and this time around I needed that time.

Ah.  THat's a fair criticism, and one that I noted in myself (but made no attempt to fix) before anyone pointed it out.

I'm not sure if it's that Rog thinks differently, if I do, or a little of both. The hangover bit threw me off since, I think that I'm more or less the town drunk. Or at least the North American town drunk.
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #24 on: September 22, 2012, 04:00:14 am »
Truth be told, I thought I was just retarded/too sleep deprived.

I was interested but had no idea what to make of it.

Yeah, that's exactly what I meant by "temping for Twid."
You generally like Roger's OPs but need time to digest them, and this time around I needed that time.

In addition:

I guess to clarify my general responses though, usually it's "I get it, but I need a little time to think of an appropriate and just as well thought out response (since I usually furtively post from my phone at work these days) as a legitimate response" vs in this, "I... missed something here. I don't know what happened, even though I do like it, and I'm going to keep my idiot mouth shut until someone makes it intelligible to me"
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #25 on: September 22, 2012, 04:03:46 am »
Though, there was at least one time that I totally misinterpreted him, but he was in favor of that misinterpretation.

Don't ask me what or when it was.

It's Friday ni... very early on Saturday.....
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Re: The Audience is Listening, part I
« Reply #26 on: September 22, 2012, 04:04:56 am »
Though, there was at least one time that I totally misinterpreted him, but he was in favor of that misinterpretation.

Don't ask me what or when it was.

It's Friday ni... very early on Saturday.....

As in, Friday was 5 minutes ago....
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