Shiny New Color-Coded Butthurt Warning System

[The Good Reverend Roger]

If it's good enough for the Department of Homeland Security, it's good enough for us.  Please note that we'll never actually be below Orange, ever again (just like the airports).

Green - Low
"All-consumingly wonderful and feces-free.  Delightful, quick to laugh, slow to anger, magnanimous, sharp-witted, tripping the light fantastic, flying through the air shooting alternating puffs of lilac and sandalwood from your ass.  Probably getting sexed up right nice-like, debts well in hand, with car not making any unsettling noises at all.  Slightly annoying to people at lower levels, but you are swell, so they don't mind that much.  Running with the big dogs through the canyons of your mind and just really super in general, thanks for asking!"

Blue - Guarded - general risk
"Beginning to emit a bit of gaseous warning-foulness.  Not exactly appalling, but definitely lacking in the golden glow of the Green level.  Holding your own relatively well, but making that face which says 'Warning! Possible Cranky Pants!'  Medication holding the line to within spec, but also not making you the master/mistress of all you survey, either.  Minor, one-word, first-degree expletives heard from time to time, especially when safely aimed at the television, traffic or pets.  Vein in temple delivers occasional small pulse."

Yellow - Elevated - significant risk
"Skirting the near side of Butthurt.  Random stamping of foot beginning to appear.  Objects being thrown from time to time.  Angry comments about work, society, religion and/or politics in evidence.  Expressions of desire to kick someone increasing.  Hot Pockets and chocolate no longer cutting the mustard.  Personally comforting mini-delusions showing signs of strain.  Even sarcastic adult cartoons and video footage of political figures stumbling over their tongues or falling down not eliciting grins as they once did.  Someone needs a hug, but odds of getting one decreasing steadily."

Orange - High
"In grave danger of being full of it.  Others being lightly splattered with warning flecks of your emissions.  Outside facts, opinions, wants and needs having no effect on your personal headlong plunge into Me-ism.  You are presenting as unreasonable, grossly inconsiderate, petty, bullying, selfish, virtually humorless.  Imminent danger of screwing a pooch as tall as a Clydesdale.  Debating doing personal damage to others.  Listening to both Art Bell and the O'Reilly Report and taking them at face value.  Basically being a stinkpot.  Bad moon rising from the back of your pants."

Severe - Red
"Filled to overflowing with crap.  Far past the point where a mere apology will suffice; jewelry and submissive showing of buttocks required, just to get rolling again. A clear and present, highly-active pinwheel, coating everything and everyone in sight with a thick layer any time you open your mouth or take an action.  Even flies are revolted.  Someone may get punched right inna face.  Maintenance at this level threatens to burn all bridges and permanently soil your dickey with the Brown 'A'.  Get a grip, FUCK you, SHUT UP, I'll see you in COURT, motherfucker!"

Occurring - Black
Pants filled, internet over.

[LMNO, PhD (life continues)]

Request to add the current color level to the top of each forum.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Request to add the current color level to the top of each forum.

Actually, it would be kind of neat to have the threat level show up to the left of any given thread.   

[stelz]

THIS HAS TO HAPPEN.

Will it be a colored dot or is an image doable?
http://cdn.stripersonline.com/6/6d/6d597802_baboons.jpg

[Juana Go?]

WANT. How would this be determined?

[Signora Pæsior]

THIS HAS TO HAPPEN.

Will it be a colored dot or is an image doable?
http://cdn.stripersonline.com/6/6d/6d597802_baboons.jpg

Clicked the link, saw the picture, misread the url as "strippersonline" and was momentarily horrified.

[Verbal Mike]

Would be cool if *anyone* could press a button to elevate the thread's level by one, but it would take admin action to take it back down. And if there were indicators for average butthurt level over the past 7 days across each board, and across the whole forum.
Of course, that would require someone who can code this kind of stuff actually coding it...

[Pixie]

Would be cool if *anyone* could press a button to elevate the thread's level by one, but it would take admin action to take it back down. And if there were indicators for average butthurt level over the past 7 days across each board, and across the whole forum.
Of course, that would require someone who can code this kind of stuff actually coding it...

Where is Zippletits when you need him? in fact WHERE THE FUCK HAS ZIPPLETITS GOT TO? Me and Payne must check soon to check if he's okay.

[Faust]

It would be easy enough to code, but it would be time consuming.

Also modding SMF while easy, is not as easy to maintain. The automatic updates that are released periodically tend to conflict with them and have to become manual.

If someone is willing to invest the time to get this done, and the time to maintain it I will assist, but I'm not doing it on my own.

[Verbal Mike]

Unfortunately I can't code that kind of thing, but wouldn't it, in this case, be possible to have the actual warning system stored and running outside the SMF installation, and just have the theme retrieve the data? I imagine a custom theme doesn't need to be maintained as often as other stuff. (Having the warning system separate from the SMF install would make it harder to have admins treated differently than other users, but that could be easily circumvented by just having a warning system admin password needed for whatever, and having you admin types share that password amongst you.)

Sorry for the back-seat driving, my programmer thinking just outstrips my actual coding skillz.

[Faust]

Unfortunately I can't code that kind of thing, but wouldn't it, in this case, be possible to have the actual warning system stored and running outside the SMF installation, and just have the theme retrieve the data? I imagine a custom theme doesn't need to be maintained as often as other stuff. (Having the warning system separate from the SMF install would make it harder to have admins treated differently than other users, but that could be easily circumvented by just having a warning system admin password needed for whatever, and having you admin types share that password amongst you.)

Sorry for the back-seat driving, my programmer thinking just outstrips my actual coding skillz.

A field would have to be added to the sql side to increment the butthurt level, and the data access layer is below the theme, it is called by all themes.
I mean we could put direct access from the theme to a part of the database, it wouldn't be a very good thing to do security wise but it's possible.

[M. Nigel Salt]

If it's good enough for the Department of Homeland Security, it's good enough for us.  Please note that we'll never actually be below Orange, ever again (just like the airports).

Green - Low
"All-consumingly wonderful and feces-free.  Delightful, quick to laugh, slow to anger, magnanimous, sharp-witted, tripping the light fantastic, flying through the air shooting alternating puffs of lilac and sandalwood from your ass.  Probably getting sexed up right nice-like, debts well in hand, with car not making any unsettling noises at all.  Slightly annoying to people at lower levels, but you are swell, so they don't mind that much.  Running with the big dogs through the canyons of your mind and just really super in general, thanks for asking!"

Blue - Guarded - general risk
"Beginning to emit a bit of gaseous warning-foulness.  Not exactly appalling, but definitely lacking in the golden glow of the Green level.  Holding your own relatively well, but making that face which says 'Warning! Possible Cranky Pants!'  Medication holding the line to within spec, but also not making you the master/mistress of all you survey, either.  Minor, one-word, first-degree expletives heard from time to time, especially when safely aimed at the television, traffic or pets.  Vein in temple delivers occasional small pulse."

Yellow - Elevated - significant risk
"Skirting the near side of Butthurt.  Random stamping of foot beginning to appear.  Objects being thrown from time to time.  Angry comments about work, society, religion and/or politics in evidence.  Expressions of desire to kick someone increasing.  Hot Pockets and chocolate no longer cutting the mustard.  Personally comforting mini-delusions showing signs of strain.  Even sarcastic adult cartoons and video footage of political figures stumbling over their tongues or falling down not eliciting grins as they once did.  Someone needs a hug, but odds of getting one decreasing steadily."

Orange - High
"In grave danger of being full of it.  Others being lightly splattered with warning flecks of your emissions.  Outside facts, opinions, wants and needs having no effect on your personal headlong plunge into Me-ism.  You are presenting as unreasonable, grossly inconsiderate, petty, bullying, selfish, virtually humorless.  Imminent danger of screwing a pooch as tall as a Clydesdale.  Debating doing personal damage to others.  Listening to both Art Bell and the O'Reilly Report and taking them at face value.  Basically being a stinkpot.  Bad moon rising from the back of your pants."

Severe - Red
"Filled to overflowing with crap.  Far past the point where a mere apology will suffice; jewelry and submissive showing of buttocks required, just to get rolling again. A clear and present, highly-active pinwheel, coating everything and everyone in sight with a thick layer any time you open your mouth or take an action.  Even flies are revolted.  Someone may get punched right inna face.  Maintenance at this level threatens to burn all bridges and permanently soil your dickey with the Brown 'A'.  Get a grip, FUCK you, SHUT UP, I'll see you in COURT, motherfucker!"

Occurring - Black
Pants filled, internet over.

  This is absolutely delightful! It occurs to me that I am nearly perpetually somewhere between Blue and Yellow Alert.

[M. Nigel Salt]

Another forum I'm on has a "thread rating" mod; any way to adapt an existing mod along those lines?

[V3X]

[Verbal Mike]