Is it just me, or is there nothing more annoying than someone treating you like you're really fucking stupid?
Yeah, you're right, it's not just me, though perhaps I have greater sensitivity to it than most, seeing spectacular displays of stupidity on a daily basis. Nothing is dumber than a teenager with too much money and living far away from home, except the excuses they give you when they get caught out.
But such stupidity is born of desperation, the need to come up with a reason, any kind of vaguely plausible excuse for why they are doing what they should not be – even if that reason is, objectively speaking, about as likely as David Icke's theories.
In those cases, the act of treating me as stupid is almost forgivable, because the person in question is clearly too dumb to realise how dumb their excuse actually is. They can't operate at a level above their own intelligence, no-one can, and so they are sadly constrained to "the pet-I-don't-have-because-I-live-in-dorms ate my homework" type of statements.
No, what is really unforgivable is when people who damn well ought to know better treat you as Thicky Thicko because it suits their current agenda.
I am, of course, talking about the
Samuel L. Jackson video endorsing Obama's re-election.
Ooh boy, here we go again…Cain's pissed because he doesn't like Obama . Time for another snooze-fest about bankers and dead Pakistanis and the NSA wiretapping our dreams other boring shit. And all while beating up on Samuel L. Jackson, no less.I dare you. I double-dog dare you to watch the entire video without wanting to smash your fist into your screen.
Yes, I'm talking about this particular doozy:
"Sorry my friends but there's no time to snore
An out-of-touch millionaire has just declared war
On schools, the environment, unions, fair pay
We're all on our own if Romney has his way"That's about the point I started thinking about that nice bottle of absinthe I keep on my counter, for times when reality is best viewed via the bottom of a bottle.
I mean, doesn't the sheer brazen hypocrisy, running like a giant red line through that entire paragraph just set your teeth on edge?
Oh no he din't! Hell yeah he did, girlfriend.
Where do you want to start? I'm fairly sure those teachers in Chicago have a slightly different opinion on education to the White House, given that Rahm Emanuel is the mayor of the city. You know, the man who thinks the role of trained educational professionals is to be underpaid and underfunded babysitters. "Well, you know, we value education
so much we want to reduce your pay, benefits and pensions ".
And the environment? What's that? Because, you see, I looked all over the Obama campaign website and there isn't even a section for this mythical beast. It's not even on the issue list. Sure, there's a bit about preventing oil spills in the energy section, but that's rather like pledging your administration doesn't condone the use of microwaves to dry babies after a bath. That said, a Republican platform for more oil spills would only be somewhat surprising…
But this fragment, oh fuck this motherfucking line…
"An out-of-touch millionaire".Now, I will be honest and say I have more right to hate the ultra-rich than anyone. I was poor, seriously poor, due to the economic crash causing the job market to shrivel up like my penis when confronted with photoshopped pictures of Margaret Thatcher in the nude. And then, when I did finally get a decent paying job, it involved having to deal with the insane demands and irrational fits of the globally rich on a daily basis.
But you know, from way down here, there isn't much of a dividing line between Obama, Romney and Samuel L. Jackson. Obama's worth $11.6 million, for starters. Relatively small fry, for the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, but it's still more than I, or most people reading this will earn in their lifetime. Romney's worth somewhere between $190 and $250 million, well far beyond what Obama has, but not so far away from Samuel L. Jackson's reputed net worth of $150 million.
There's something ever so slightly hypocritical to my mind that someone can call another person an "out of touch millionaire" before going back to their mansion in their chauffeur-driven Rolls Royce to enjoy freshly imported caviar on dishes made of pure platinum, you know.
Now of course Romney's out of touch. Hilariously so, his every movement and statement is awkward as fuck, as he desperately tries to show empathy, or indeed any human emotion that doesn't revolve around the acquisition of wealth.
But then, so are the Obamas. I seem to recall in that "oh so amazing" speech that transcended politics, race, gender, time and transcendence itself, that Michelle told a story about the days when the Obamas were poor Harvard grads, eating out of dumpsters, wearing clothes so thin they could have been used as extras in the "Save the Children" video about starving Africans and…talking about how their student loan repayments were bigger than their mortgage.
Now hold on a minute. Student loan repayments are determined by income. If you were that poor, there is no way they could outstrip your mortgage unless…well, either that was a hell of a good deal from the bank or they were doing pretty OK financially.
But yeah, the Obamas feel your pain or something. They're just like you, except they get escorted everywhere by elite bodyguards, live in a giant, old mansion, control legions of killer robots and are worth more than you'll ever get to see in your lifetime, unless you're cheating hardcore at Monopoly. Whatever.
And then you have the reaction of Democrat partisans, who may actually be functionally retarded. Or, at the very least, suffering from possibly the most severe collective case of cognitive dissonance in history. They'll sneer at the "politician you can have a beer with" idea in one breath, while going on about how Obama is a Man of The People in the other. Watching this bunch of hacks and mental midgets pour scorn on "Rmoney" (it's funny because Romney has lots of money!) while sucking up to the guy who gave the banks billions, possibly even trillions in taxpayer money, is the absolute height of absurdity, and the triumph of modern propaganda over common sense.
It's even a better gambit than when conservative pundits pretend to be dumb-as-fuck yokels, because at least wingnuts don't go on constantly about how the fact they accept evolution and basic physics (well done, you are at a level of a 7th grader in scientific understanding) proves they are more logical and too clever to fall for such tricks.
"Wake the fuck up" indeed. Goddamn how I hate you all. I hope you get fucked up the arse a rogue Collateral Debt Obligation, no lube.
