Author Topic: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation  (Read 281 times)

Eater of Clowns

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Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« on: October 03, 2012, 09:06:56 pm »
The tents are being shipped in tomorrow.

Sorry, let me start again.

The tents are being shipped in tomorrow.

Al was pretty curious to know what the assistant deputy superintendant of the jail was doing with surveying equipment.  Are they going to put up more concrete slabs to stop the officers from using the parking lot again?  Maybe they'll get the chain gangs to start digging moats to prevent their own escape?

It's because the tents are being shipped in tomorrow.

See, you've got this right wing sheriff in a left wing state with a left wing governor.  The sheriff built an immigration facility a few years ago and he's getting a $100 a head per day or so to keep them there.  The governor wants that money so he wants that facility as part of the state system.  The sheriff wants that money to buy anti-terrorism boats and command centers to show off during parades.  So the governor slashes his budget.  He says, your budget is $17 million, but you're getting $7 million in federal money, so here's the remaining $10 million for your budget.

So the tents are being shipped in tomorrow.

We've got to cut back.  It costs $1 per inmate per day just to feed all these fuckers!  We can't have that, and it's not like we're going to ask our attorney to hand in his department issued iPhone so we can feed another inmate for an entire month.  He's cutting back on programs.  Right after dinner now those jailbirds are getting locked back into their cells and, well, we don't really have the room for all of them so why don't we just

ship in the tents tomorrow.

Hold a couple of press conferences mentioning we're going to have to close our regional lock up facility, get it on the local news.  Let it be known that it's the state's fault, the state's damn fault that we're shutting down that sattelite jail.  That way, when the tent city and the restricted activity hours go into effect on the same day and you get a bunch of angry inmates demanding their privileges back and getting each other riled up, pushing the guards who are pushing them back and bouncing back and forth in their overcrowded areas well, you warned them didn't you, you warned those state fat cats what would happen so it's not your fault the eighteen year old officer who just got out of the academy gets the piss beaten out of him by angry convicts and our hearts are with his family during this difficult time for all of us.  But about that money I asked for.

Anyway the tents are being shipped in tomorrow.

I'm sure it'll be just fine.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2012, 09:14:45 pm »
Welcome to Arizona, EoC.  Welcome home.
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Eater of Clowns

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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2012, 09:25:18 pm »
Welcome to Arizona, EoC.  Welcome home.

They don't have 115 degree days up in this fictional county but luckily for politicians it's starting to get awfully cold at night.  Now you don't have to heat up that ancient jail anymore, and maybe a handy cold snap will happen to help blame the resulting tent city death on the political bullies in the state house.
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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2012, 09:49:47 pm »
Tents won't hold them in.

The nights will be cold  (And there IS a cold winter coming).  The population will be reduced gulag style by them. 
The days will be full of unrestrained outbursts at first, or sullen cold silence.  You said they were cutting activities?  There will be some energy to spare for the rioting.  Soon they might as well add in forced labor just to keep them wound down. 

I'd keep a sword handy.  Yes, I am partial to them, but they don't need reloading.  One shell per inmate is both a large number, and hopeless optimism.
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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2012, 09:57:50 pm »
Dysentery:  The Jailer's Friend.
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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2012, 10:09:18 pm »
Weird, within a half hour of this story being posted, K9 had to be called into the facility for the first time in about three years because a unit was refusing to be locked in and another started throwing trash cans around.  It's almost as if inmates don't like their privileges fucked with for the sake of a pissing match.

ETA and now two different units have been flooded by broken sprinkler systems.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2012, 10:18:11 pm by Eater of Clowns »
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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2012, 03:51:49 am »
Loooorrrd almighty.  :eek:
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Re: Jailhouse Riots: The Next Step in Political Negotiation
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2012, 12:47:51 pm »
BATONGABATONGABATONGA!
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