And it occurs to me that my above post has some pretty horrifying implications about Discordia, in the general vein of "HAPPINESS IS MANDATORY". Which we all know it sure as fuck isn't.
But still, I can't help feeling incredibly guilty about my inability to ever, ever laugh, and then my tendency to analyze it and moralize about the whole thing and feel guilty, which in turn is something to feel guilty over, which in turn is something to feel guilty over, etc.
It seems like my entire thought process is just a neverending loop of misery and guilt.
And then it occurs to me: Maybe I'm just not cut out for Discordia. I mean, I like the ideas. And I like the people. But I myself am a horrible, horrible example of a Discordian. I never enjoy myself. I never take an active part in making the world stranger. I feel like I'm unworthy of it. Incapable of it. I think there's something the rest of you possess that I lack, and maybe it's something that I'll never have. So my choice is obvious: I quit, or I live with being a hypocrite.