IV.
Resort Drinking & Elevation Sickness
The entire point of this one is to prepare you for Elevation Drinking. I had read some minor blip on the radar warnings of what happens when you over consume at elevation, but I had no fucking idea. To really give it perspective here's how my first month of moving went down:
Drove out of Knoxville - 800 ft. | Spent one night in St Louis - 465 ft. | Stayed 2 nights in SilverDillon - 9017 ft. | Moved into an apt in Brecca for 1 Month - 9600 ft. Turns out I unexpectedly moved to Brecca the Saturday of their 2010 Oktoberfest. Of course I went. New one month roommates didn't even warn me to be cautious. I proceeded to slow play it and drank 4 mugs over the course of about 3 and a half hours. At 5 PM the hangover hit. This was the worst hangover I've ever had. It was awful. Apparently you're supposed to drink the equivalent of 8 bottles of water A DAY. I had maybe 1.5 for the first week, because I had no idea. I recovered the next day and discovered something I had never even heard of, which ended up lasting for 2 weeks: taking showers left me winded. We're talking straight up wheezing for breath after a shower. Beyond this, climbing the 2 flights of stairs to my temporary apartment also left me winded, even inducing a side stitch at times. Two fucking flights. I moved to Shangri after the four weeks, and for another 6 weeks after that the flight and a half of stairs up to my front door still left me winded.
Acclimation takes time. There's places that sell shit that will supposedly help fight it, but to tell the truth you're going to be screwed and miserable until your blood has thinned out and your body has adapted. Took about ten weeks for me. I've heard of some that's had it for worse for up to 3 months. Stores here sell canned oxygen, if you're a pussy buy it. Otherwise, chug all available water like you're on Dune and you should be ok. In time, you'll learn the absolute best perk of elevation living: Being Skinny. There are very few fatties at 9600 feet. I was definitely chubbed out when I moved out here, but it all melted away while I maintained almost the same dietary habits and lifestyle as when I was in Knoxville. I don't know why elevation living does it, but it's the best diet plan you can give yourself. Being active and boarding weekly won't hurt either. In addition to slimming down, you'll also find muscle tone is a LOT easier to develop up here. At least for me it seems. I'm sure that's not accurate and wouldn't apply to everyone's bodies, and i'm sure boardings mostly to blame though I did that back in the south too. However, my entire core/lower body has never looked better in my life. I've known others up here who claim the same thing - elevation is what keeps them fit and slim. So it's really not just me.
When friends inevitably come visit you, you will probably see them experience elevation sickness, which you might not realize is what you had when you first moved up here. Symptoms include muscle aches all over, shortness of breath, dizziness, vomiting, headaches, nausea, and others that I can't remember right now. The best thing you can do for them is constantly harass them to drink more water. It's the only thing that will help them. It's apparently really bad for kids --- I've probably had upwards of 10 calls the past two winters to swap out sheets/blankets for beds because some elevation sick kid puked all over them. When your friends hit the slopes adrenaline probably won't have them realize how miserable they really are, until about 3 pm. Depending the person, they may be a whiny little bitch for the next 2 days. They'll be even worse if they land an elevation hangover.
The conversion goes one drink at sea equals two up here. If it takes 6 beers to get you drunk at sea level, you will be sloshed after finishing your second here. This is a double edged sword of AWESOME. it's cheaper, but if you aren't cautious and don't drink water the hangovers will be brutal. Through word of mouth I've learned that once you've had one really awful elevation hangover, you usually won't be affect by them again during your stay. Obviously, this is just for visitors, and once you've acclimated everything will be fine.
Resort bar scenes have pretty much everything you can want, given the town has a strong enough nightlife. Wine bar & tasting? Check. Irish pub(s)? Check. Martini, scotch, and cigar bars? Check. Bump & grind slut hut bars? Check. Non-wormwood Absinthe bar? You bet your ass. Mexican Cantina's? More than I care to count. Grand sake menu at sushi? Check. 4 AM burrito joint attached to bar? Check. Dives? Check. Live music? Everywhere. Haunted Brothel Bar? You bet your fucking ass Brecca has one. Again, I implore the STFU rule --- the people you meet will tell you the best, cheapest places to go. They'll tell you where there are covers, where there are none, where happy hour foods are best, and where they're cheapest. Know that most bars will always charge covers for drinking holidays, usually 30 bucks or so. It's a tourist town, and those bastards don't give a fuck and will pay it, so just suck it up and dish it out.
I used the term slut hut up there. I should elaborate. With the exception of the holy grail that is Jackson Hole, almost all winter resorts (to my knowledge) are sausage fests. Here, it's 3 males to every 1 female alongside rumored CDC figures of 1 in 3 females having herpes. Just fucking wrap it. There's a local saying here, which I'm sure applies all over: It's not your chick, it's just your turn. Something that happens all too often up here is chicks sleeping with 3 or 4 different guys, usually on different days of the week. They themselves tend to be homeless, drifting from one bed to another so they have a place to stay. They aren't all like that, obviously, but the ones you need to watch out for are. Better to be warned than not, right? All resorts are sausage fests. If you can't handle single women being non-existent, it may not be the place for you.
Fights are a nightly occurrence at the slut hut bars. Another good thing to know about Colorado in general is that we are arguably the worst state in the union when it comes to DUI. .07 is the limit, and if you're busted you're fucked for a solid 2 years if not longer. When a fight goes down in a slut hut bar it's usually 2 competing bro-brah's fighting over a town bicycle. When the fight happens usually all available cops respond, and the roads are clear for a very small window. Everyone leaves the bar at the same time. It's surreal to watch it happen, but I've literally been sitting around the glorious upstairs patio firepit conversing and drinking, hear sirens, look over the rail to see cops arriving from street level and running into bar for a fight. As soon as they were inside, 3/4 of the people at 4 different bars all bolted at the same time. I wouldn't have believed that really happened if I hadn't seen it.
Firepits deserve their own section. A select few bars have them outside. From my personal experience, the bar conversations are the absolute BEST around the firepits. Before we legalized, there would always be someone passing around their pipe at firepits without a care in the world, if that's your thing. I'm sure legalization will only further encourage that. Occasionally you'll find the one drunken douche/cunt who screams out that the firepit is for locals only, but usually she's shunned quickly. Most of the people I know here that hate tourists aren't like that to random strangers in conversation. Sadly, I've seen that exact situation happen more than 5 times. I may have referenced that in a prior Shangri now that I think about it. Anyways. Bars with outside firepits are your best friends when it's in the negatives and snow is falling. So nice. Here's a local secret: The metal chairs around said firepit bars often will accumulate snow, or they'll be wet from old snow, and you'll see no one sitting in them. Pick up said metal chair, flip it, and hold the seat directly over the fire for about 15 seconds. All the snow will be melted off. You'll probably want to wait about 2 minutes before you sit down on it though. Don't sit down on it instantly because you're a drunken dumbass. Trust me. I don't see a shame smiley up there but it needs to follow that. Once it's cooled you now have a dry, snow free, partially warm chair, meanwhile all the standers are looking at you like you're a crazy genius. Just don't forget and sit down on it immediately afterward because you're drunk.
One of my favorite things about resort living are the drinking festivals. They have them for every excusable reason. Bluegrass music festival? Let's add & Beer to it! Weeklong Norse themed festival celebrating the god of snow? LETS DRINK WITH HORNED HELMS ON! Oktoberfest? Every weekend in september/october a different resort has one. Brewers festivals, wine tastings, bbq & beerfests, and many, many more. Typical beer festival, several vendor tents set up with some of their personal brews on tap. These festivals do cost a fair bit of money, but they're so worth it.
There are several ski resort customs for bars. One of these involves a thing called a shotski, which is the GREATEST invention ever. I just made one for my apartment last week. I will post a picture whenever I get around to it. I'll also go into more detail about it, and other drunken revelry as a what to expect.
This to be edited in the future with more and more stuff. Like all the others.
