Author Topic: Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon  (Read 309 times)

Mangrove

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Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon
« on: October 08, 2012, 03:34:38 pm »
It's Election season here in the US which means that the amount of buzzwords and platitudinous bullshit will increase exponentially over the course of this month. So, here's a handy dandy guide to help you translate election commentary and debates. This is just to get you started. Feel free to add or update definitions.

Family Values = Homophobia.

Pro-Life = Peculiar form of misogyny with a special emphasis on women's reproductive anatomy.

Wall Street = Our corporate paymaster.

Main Street = The rest of you business owning schlubs.

The Middle Class = Schlubs in general.

Fiscal Responsibility = The rape and pillage of the social safety net.

Entitlement Programs = Perjorative term for the social safety net that working people pay into in the hope of never having to use it on the basis that letting the sick, elderly & unemployed free-fall into poverty is a 'dick move'. (see 'Fiscal Responsibility')

Socialism = Meaningless buzzword bandied about by Conservatives as an insult. Often used to conflate civic duty with Communism.

The Founding Fathers = A group of intelligent, educated, 18th century, Enlightenment era, deist, Liberal men who sought to establish an alternative to European monarchism. For some reason, the FF's are confused with The Pilgrim Fathers. (see below)

The Pilgrim Fathers = Paranoid, religious, zealots escaping greatly overstated religious persecution. Their beliefs that the Old World was filled with too many Catholics, Witches & Jews and that the Church of England was too lenient on same, lead them to hiring ships and leaving. Much to the great relief of Western Europe and to the great chagrin of the Native Americans.   

The American People = Implies all American citizens but depends on who uses it. When used by conservatives it excludes non-whites, homosexuals, liberals, non-Christians & the poor.

Middle America = aka The American People who are not part of the East/West coast liberal elite.

Real America = As opposed to Fake America? Also depends on who uses it. Generally refers to any part of the country that thinks Sarah Palin is a good speaker.

Liberal Elite = Conservative term for people who value literacy, numeracy, science etc.

The Constitution = Political document drafted by the Founding Fathers. Often mistaken for a religious scripture written by the Pilgrim Fathers.

The Declaration of Independence = Ditto.



« Last Edit: October 08, 2012, 05:37:52 pm by Mangrove »
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Re: Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2012, 03:37:01 pm »
I'm really digging the idea of The Pilgrim Fathers.
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Mangrove

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Re: Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2012, 03:43:14 pm »
I'm really digging the idea of The Pilgrim Fathers.

For me, the Pilgrim Fathers were the dregs left over from the English Civil War. They were too conservative for the Church of England and pissed off that Parliament & The Crown had kissed and made up. Maddened by the fact that England lacked 'really real Christians for realness' they picked up their ball and went elsewhere in the deluded belief that it was somehow 'punishing' the UK. No one missed them.

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« Last Edit: October 08, 2012, 05:22:11 pm by Mangrove »
What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.

Juana Go?

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Re: Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2012, 03:45:10 pm »
Perfect. Also the pilgrim fathers highjacked the May Flower and forced the other passengers to agree to their plan when they landed.

Socialism = Meaningless buzzword bandied about by Conservatives as an insult. Often used to conflate civic duty with Communism.
Extra perfect. I hadn't even thought of it quite like that.
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Mangrove

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Re: Mangrove's Handy Dandy Pocket Election Lexicon
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2012, 05:37:24 pm »
National Security = No bid contracts for Halliburton, Blackwater etc

Tax Cuts = A distraction to encourage voter support. (cf Magpies & shiny objects).

Freedom = An F Word. Once upon on a time one had Freedom from something eg: tyranny. Now a largely meaningless buzzword used to incite people to fist pump, yell 'WOO HOO' and chant 'USA! USA! USA!' May also be used to shore up sales of the godawful, lachrymose, soft rock influenced, twangy nonsense that passes for country music these days.

What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.