I understand now! I understand that I understand nothing. Eris said not to seek her without and not to seek her within, and like a fool I overlooked these words without a second thought. Like most individuals, I tried to fill this void I felt with perceptions and concepts in which I could easily conform my mind in order to make sense out of an irrational world. But once I let go of this pride that I had I realized I wasn't so special in fact I was an irrational fool. knowing this doesn't exactly make me any less of a fool or anymore special than I was before... and In all honesty I'm completely fine with that fact.