Author Topic: The EDL Literary Division  (Read 828 times)

Cain

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The EDL Literary Division
« on: October 18, 2012, 02:35:11 pm »
Oh god, I think I am crying from laughing too much.

So, over in the UK we have this thing called the English Defence League.  It's sort of a Teabaggers meets football hooligans, with less libertarianism and more outright fascism.  The EDL claim to be defending England from Muslim extremists....although, when you ask their members, it often seems every Muslims is an extremist, and everyone from the Middle East or South Asia is a Muslim.

Anyway, their hilariously illiterate online rants have led to some wag invented a EDL Literary Division tumblr, where their...unusual prose is broken down and turned into beautiful poetry.  Here is what I consider to the magnum opus of this project:

Quote
ANTIC DOTES

illumiati conspiracy theorist gimps of anonymice
any one can threat over a key board sausages
detack you propergander
go back to cockoo land..how dare you be so insilant!!!
EDL is not a righted winged party
we are deemedrs of Englishness
get ya facts right ya soap digging bastard
I hope u get ur come up ons

sheffield newcastle glasgow ext ext ext
essex or surrounding hairier
mouth a protest, shitstare
standing up against Muslim peas rings
Muslim synthesizers, bonified paedos
terarisam, terriny, richeous holycost
The predators are waiting and praying on the vulnerable
Its not rocket salad people

people that read books are fictionist.
all are ill with 10 kids voting sleeps , wake up
IDIOLOGICAL NUM NUTS
i know water and soap is like criptamite to you lot
week trators manovered revolunishnents
YOU’R ARE THE LOOSER ON THE GAME
as a scientist i can tell you your clames are false
EMBRACE BRITISH CULTAR!!

Beautiful ideology, more like an evil colt
they have their own adjendure
they wat stone into b law
they cry racisum, fucking rediculouse!
this is serioas man its not rapin compittion
a bit sinicter, unbaleivable
ACTIONS SPEAK LOADER WORDS
Time for a new Adrians wall!!!

muslimification of britain
Lets wave our rights so as to not offend.
justice aint strongerenough
GIVE THEM SUPERIORITY TREATMENT
deprevation of character, anger breads fast
rasisam , riligiousisam and taotaliterian
it’s all got to be about board and lawful
How much is memebership? where can I join
"The thoughts of all men arise from the darkness. If you are the movement of your soul, and the cause of that movement precedes you, then how could you ever call your thoughts your own? How could you be anything other than a slave to the darkness that comes before? Only the Logos allows one to mitigate that slavery. Only knowing the sources of thought and action allows us to own our thoughts and our actions, to throw off the yoke of circumstance."
- R. Scott Bakker, The Darkness That Comes Before

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2012, 02:38:07 pm »
Quote
we are deemedrs

My brain shut off at that point, sheerly out of self-defense.
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Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2012, 02:40:03 pm »
GET YA FACTS RIGHT YA SOAP DIGGING BASTARD
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Cain

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2012, 02:40:17 pm »
That's a shame, as you are missing out on

Quote
criptamite

and

Quote
Adrians wall!!!

and

Quote
Muslim synthesizers, bonified paedos
terarisam, terriny, richeous holycost

which may be my favourite two lines of all of poetry, of all time.
"The thoughts of all men arise from the darkness. If you are the movement of your soul, and the cause of that movement precedes you, then how could you ever call your thoughts your own? How could you be anything other than a slave to the darkness that comes before? Only the Logos allows one to mitigate that slavery. Only knowing the sources of thought and action allows us to own our thoughts and our actions, to throw off the yoke of circumstance."
- R. Scott Bakker, The Darkness That Comes Before

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2012, 03:07:47 pm »
James Joyce, thou art avenged!
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Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

The Right Reverend Nigel

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2012, 03:23:44 pm »
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: This is AMAZING.

I don't get the "Adrian's wall!!!" line.

It's hard to pick out favorites, but

Quote
Beautiful ideology, more like an evil colt
they have their own adjendure
they wat stone into b law
they cry racisum, fucking rediculouse!

 :lol:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Cain

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2012, 03:25:11 pm »
I don't get the "Adrian's wall!!!" line.

I'm fairly sure they mean "Hadrian's Wall", though I'm not sure how keeping the Picts out of England will solve the problem of Islamic extremism.
"The thoughts of all men arise from the darkness. If you are the movement of your soul, and the cause of that movement precedes you, then how could you ever call your thoughts your own? How could you be anything other than a slave to the darkness that comes before? Only the Logos allows one to mitigate that slavery. Only knowing the sources of thought and action allows us to own our thoughts and our actions, to throw off the yoke of circumstance."
- R. Scott Bakker, The Darkness That Comes Before

The Right Reverend Nigel

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2012, 03:27:24 pm »
Is the author of that blog spelling "meme" "meem", or is a "meem" something different?
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

Cain

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2012, 03:51:23 pm »
I'm fairly sure it's an ironic misspelling
"The thoughts of all men arise from the darkness. If you are the movement of your soul, and the cause of that movement precedes you, then how could you ever call your thoughts your own? How could you be anything other than a slave to the darkness that comes before? Only the Logos allows one to mitigate that slavery. Only knowing the sources of thought and action allows us to own our thoughts and our actions, to throw off the yoke of circumstance."
- R. Scott Bakker, The Darkness That Comes Before

Allfader Waffles

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2012, 04:01:42 pm »
Oh my wordly worthington. This is even better than Muslamic Ray Guns.
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The Right Reverend Nigel

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2012, 04:10:40 pm »
I'm fairly sure it's an ironic misspelling

Gotcha. It's extra ironic (in a way) because it's also the name of a Lebanese GLBQ group.  :lol:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #11 on: October 18, 2012, 04:59:52 pm »
Hahahhah! I'm putting this up at work, there are a few bigots there, this may become interesting.
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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #12 on: October 18, 2012, 10:17:11 pm »
Personally I can't go past It's not rocket salad people.

I want to make performance poetry from this.
If sheep entrails could in any way be related to the weather, i.e. sheep trails only originate where it rains, then you could use it as an accurate model for discerning what the weathers going to be like. Either, sheep shit makes it rain, or raining makes sheep shit. Sheep don't shit "randomly" sheep shit after they eat, it doesn't rain "randomly" it rains after water collects in the atmosphere.

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #13 on: October 18, 2012, 10:20:34 pm »
Oh, my fucking...

I don't know how many times it would take to actually absorb all of that into my brain... and I'm afraid of the resulting damage...

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Re: The EDL Literary Division
« Reply #14 on: October 19, 2012, 01:06:45 am »
Personally I can't go past It's not rocket salad people.

I want to make performance poetry from this.

I'm going to start saying that.

"It's not rocket salad people".
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”

“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”
― Assata Shaku