Author Topic: Bill of Rights for the Real World  (Read 969 times)

V3X

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2012, 03:58:03 pm »
You have the right to drink bourbon and act like an ass.  You have the right to SATURDAY NIGHT.  You have the right to rant your guts up.  You have the right to kick 'em IN THA NADS.  You have the right to irresponsible firearms use.  You have the right to drive like a maniac.  You have the right to DANCE.  You have the right to sing in the Goddamn shower.  You have the right to be an asshat.  You have the right to bray spittle and laughter in the face of those who deny these rights.

Now all we need is a government that recognizes and protects these rights.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2012, 04:02:28 pm »
You have the right to drink bourbon and act like an ass.  You have the right to SATURDAY NIGHT.  You have the right to rant your guts up.  You have the right to kick 'em IN THA NADS.  You have the right to irresponsible firearms use.  You have the right to drive like a maniac.  You have the right to DANCE.  You have the right to sing in the Goddamn shower.  You have the right to be an asshat.  You have the right to bray spittle and laughter in the face of those who deny these rights.

Now all we need is a government that recognizes and protects these rights.

Nope.  FUCK THAT SHIT.  Look how well our government protected all of our other rights.  No, NOBODY except YOU can protect your right to SATURDAY NIGHT.  It's the most fundamental human right that exists, it's the FUCKING REASON we HAVE civilization, and it's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.  And mine.  And LMNO's.  And everyone elses.  BUT NOT THE GOVERNMENT.  Government, by definition, is afraid of SATURDAY NIGHT, and is fundamentally incapable of protecting it.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2012, 05:12:14 pm »
I don't see what everyone's bitching about.  America has given Americans EVERYTHING THEY'VE ASKED FOR.  "Safety".  War.  Self-righteous bullshit.  Stomping on smudgy people.  Public humiliation in the airports and bus stations across the country.  Bankers fucking you in the ass.  Presidential candidates that promise ridiculous fucking things they can't possibly deliver.  Ain't It Awful on every news channel.  The reinforcement of your fucked up beliefs by said news channels.

WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING?
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Elder Iptuous

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #18 on: October 24, 2012, 05:17:36 pm »
Because it is our Right to complain about receiving what we ask for!

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #19 on: October 24, 2012, 05:19:23 pm »
Because it is our Right to complain about receiving what we ask for!

Yep.  If we behaved this way in a restaurant, they'd throw us out.

"HEY, WHAT IS THIS SHIT?"

"Um, sir, that's the cheeseburger you ordered, exactly the way you ordered it, which was not an easy task."

"BUT CHEESEBURGERS ARE BAD FOR ME!  WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING ME A SALAD?"

"Sir, please leave the restaurant."
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Q. G. Pennyworth

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #20 on: October 24, 2012, 05:45:17 pm »
You have the right to work 140 hours a week*

You have the right to insurmountable education expenses

You have the right to consume Approved PILLZ to cope with your miserable life

You have the right to pay out-of-pocket for healthcare

You have the right to blame everyone else for your problems

You have the right to cheap junk food**

You have the right to choose the lesser of two evils

You have the right to engage in procreative sex within the bonds of matrimony

You have the right to turkey on Thanksgiving


* Making enough money to survive is a privilege
** So is healthy food
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #21 on: October 24, 2012, 05:46:01 pm »
You have the right to work 140 hours a week*

You have the right to insurmountable education expenses

You have the right to consume Approved PILLZ to cope with your miserable life

You have the right to pay out-of-pocket for healthcare

You have the right to blame everyone else for your problems

You have the right to cheap junk food**

You have the right to choose the lesser of two evils

You have the right to engage in procreative sex within the bonds of matrimony

You have the right to turkey on Thanksgiving


* Making enough money to survive is a privilege
** So is healthy food


See above.  This is how people want it.
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LMNO, PhD (life continues)

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #22 on: October 24, 2012, 05:46:54 pm »
You have the right to GET what you ASK FOR.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #23 on: October 24, 2012, 05:52:49 pm »
You have the right to GET what you ASK FOR.

And the right to bitch about it when Uncle Sam plods up with your order.

And those are the only two rights 90% of America NEEDS.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #24 on: October 24, 2012, 05:54:09 pm »
You have the right to drink bourbon and act like an ass.  You have the right to SATURDAY NIGHT.  You have the right to rant your guts up.  You have the right to kick 'em IN THA NADS.  You have the right to irresponsible firearms use.  You have the right to drive like a maniac.  You have the right to DANCE.  You have the right to sing in the Goddamn shower.  You have the right to be an asshat.  You have the right to bray spittle and laughter in the face of those who deny these rights.

Now all we need is a government that recognizes and protects these rights.

Nope.  FUCK THAT SHIT.  Look how well our government protected all of our other rights.  No, NOBODY except YOU can protect your right to SATURDAY NIGHT.  It's the most fundamental human right that exists, it's the FUCKING REASON we HAVE civilization, and it's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.  And mine.  And LMNO's.  And everyone elses.  BUT NOT THE GOVERNMENT.  Government, by definition, is afraid of SATURDAY NIGHT, and is fundamentally incapable of protecting it.

And another thing:  If you let someone else safeguard your SATURDAY NIGHT for you, you wind up with THEIR version of SATURDAY NIGHT instead of YOUR version. 
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

P3nT4gR4m

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #25 on: October 24, 2012, 05:59:13 pm »
You have the right to everything you deserve

You have the right to sit on your ass and wait on someone doing it for you

You have the right to beg for liberty

You have the right to have your teeth kicked in every time you do

You have the right to watch people who don't give a fuck about rights, doing what they please and getting away with it

You have the right to bitch and whine about this, so long as you do it quietly
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V3X

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #26 on: October 24, 2012, 06:04:18 pm »
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW.


THIS IS NOT EVEN SATIRE.

HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #27 on: October 24, 2012, 06:05:10 pm »
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.
ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN A COURT OF LAW.


THIS IS NOT EVEN SATIRE.

HELLO? IS THIS THING ON?

 :lulz:

I just shat my pants.  SHAT MY PANTS!

How the FUCK can you go 44 years and never notice THAT?
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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #28 on: October 24, 2012, 06:31:07 pm »
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN ATTORNEY PRESENT DURING QUESTIONING. IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD ONE, WE'LL APPOINT YOU ONE OF OURS A COUPLE OF YEARS DOWN THE ROAD AND HE WILL CONTINUE TO SHUFFLE YOU THROUGH THE SYSTEM.
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Re: Bill of Rights for the Real World
« Reply #29 on: October 24, 2012, 06:32:36 pm »
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD GUILTY AND TAKE TIME SERVED RATHER THAN SIT IN JAIL AWAITING TRIAL BY JURY.
WHERE WE WILL FUCK YOU ANYWAY.
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