Author Topic: Eris' Witnesses  (Read 1033 times)

Lenin McCarthy

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Eris' Witnesses
« on: April 08, 2013, 09:53:36 am »
(to be handed out on door-to-door visits)

WHO WAS ERIS?
"Thetis and Peleus had just gone off to the bridal chamber, conducted by Amphitrite and Posidon, when Eris came in unnoticed—which was easy enough; some were drinking, some dancing, or attending to Apollo's lyre or the Muses' songs—Well, she threw down a lovely apple, solid gold, my dear; and there was written on it, FOR THE FAIR. It rolled along as if it knew what it was about, till it came in front of Hera, Aphrodite, and Athene." Lucian of Samosata (125-180 AD), Dialogues of the Sea Gods

- Eris was the ancient Greeks' goddess of chaos, strife and discord.

- One day, Zeus was holding a banquet on Mount Olympus in celebration of the marriage of Peleus and Thetis (the parents of Achilles, you know that guy with the heel?).

- Because of her reputation for being a bit of a troublemaker, Eris was not invited. This is what we Discordians like to call the ORIGINAL SNUB.

- Angered by this snub, she threw a golden apple with the inscription kallisti ("for the fairest one") into the party, leading the goddesses Hera, Athena and Aphrodite to all claim the apple for themselves.

-Reluctant to favor anyone of those claims, Zeus delegated the task to a Trojan prince called Paris, poor sod.

- Hera offered power and Athena offered wisdom and skill in war, but Paris the hopeless romantic fell for Aphrodite's offer of the most beautiful woman in the world.

- This happened to be Helen, wife of the Greek king Menelaus. Paris took Helen with him to Troy, making both the Greeks and a lot of Gods awfully angry. The Greeks subsequently attacked Troy to retrieve Helen, and the Trojan War was suddenly a thing.

PREPARE FOR THE FINAL SNUBBING!

- This prank didn't do much to restore her reputation as a troublemaker, and Eris rarely got invited to the heavenly parties at Mount Olympus, leading Eris to feel even more snubbed.

- But now things are changing. Eris will soon be throwing a giant party for her followers, with 144,000 invitees.

- You are not one of them. We are.

- We will party wildly into eternity, dancing, drinking, shouting, screaming, having the greatest time ever. You won't.

- We will witness. Eris' glorious revenge over Zeus and company. You won't.

- HA HA. MILLIONS NOW LIVING WILL NEVER REALLY LIVE!


Cain

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Re: Eris' Witnesses
« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2013, 06:12:32 pm »
 :lulz:

I get the feeling you had some unwelcome visitors knock on your door recently...

The Johnny

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Re: Eris' Witnesses
« Reply #2 on: April 08, 2013, 09:07:42 pm »

"Pardon me sir, would you have a moment to spare to talk about Our Lady Eris keeper of Dischord and Strife?" lmao  :lulz:

Lenin McCarthy

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Re: Eris' Witnesses
« Reply #3 on: April 08, 2013, 10:30:10 pm »
:lulz:

I get the feeling you had some unwelcome visitors knock on your door recently...

Absolutely not. And especially not on hungover Saturday mornings.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Eris' Witnesses
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2013, 01:41:34 am »
 :lulz:
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”