Here's the Fractal Cult meditation, guarantees enlightenment in about 13 minutes.

First, intone the word OM. Draw it out so it takes a full minute to say.

Then, intone it again. Each one should take 30 seconds, so you say it twice in one minute.

Then, intone it 4 times in one minute.

Then, 8 times in one minute.

Then, 16 times in one minute.

Then, 32 times in one minute.

Then, 64 times in one minute.

Then, 128 times in one minute.

Then, 256 times in one minute.

Then, 512 times in one minute.

Then, say OM 1024 times in one minute.

Then, say OM 2048 times in one minute.

Then, say OM 4056 times in one minute.

then you're going to need to take a breath so take a break

when you're ready, say OM 16224 times in one minute, meaning you're OMing about 270 times per second.

If that doesn't enlighten you, it will make your face melt *raiders of the lost ark* style.