Author Topic: Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections  (Read 1077 times)


  • What should I put in here?
  • Known & Noted
  • **
  • Posts: 1323
  • Full of Bullshit, and Admitting to It
    • View Profile
Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections
« on: October 25, 2014, 11:42:08 pm »

Stole thread from Neogaf, full disclosure.

KIEV, Ukraine (AP) — One candidate in Ukraine's parliamentary elections hopes to bring voters to the dark side: Darth Alekseyevich Vader.

Dressed in full Star Wars regalia, Vader prowls the streets of Kiev atop his black campaign van wooing voters with promises to turn Ukraine into a "galactic empire." So serious is he about his mission that he even legally changed his name to Darth Vader ahead of the elections (He was previously known as Viktor Shevchenko.)

The electrician-turned-interplanetary warlord insists his Internet Party is serious business.

Speaking to The Associated Press on his van, flanked by Stormtroopers and shrouded in white fumes, Vader explained that his top goal is to computerize all government business.

"When I get to parliament, I will expel all the deputies. They have proven their uselessness," he said. "Computers will work in their place and they will fulfil their functions without cease."

Pollsters predict the party, which also includes a Stepan Chewbacca on its list, has little chance of getting into parliament in Sunday's vote. Still, the public greets Vader enthusiastically when he drives around the capital atop his van — which he refers to as "my helicopter."

Despite his pledge to enhance transparency, Vader declines to ever show his own face. That got him banned from voting in May presidential elections by punctilious electoral commission workers who said he was violating voting rules.

Vader is not shying away from the thornier issues.

To the ominous backdrop of the Imperial March theme from Star Wars, he thundered from the top of his van that he would win the war against separatist rebels in the east — even as he withdrew government troops. And he vowed to reclaim the Crimean Peninsula, which was annexed by Russia in March.

How will he achieve these feats?

"A military space station will be built," he said, "that will protect the whole territory of Ukraine."
Often incoherent. Tends to ramble on about various topics.
Hopes to get beyond that.

Formerly BrotherPrickle


  • Alea iacta est
  • Chekha
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 106529
    • View Profile
Re: Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2014, 04:34:49 pm »
To be honest, he has a point.

Computers would be far less corrupt than the current Duma.  Even if they were full of spyware and secretly being run by a teenager in a Dehli slum.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

  • v=1/3πr2h
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 687093
  • The sky tastes like red exuberance.
    • View Profile
Re: Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections
« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2014, 05:16:46 pm »
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


  • Fictional Ego
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 12309
  • Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times
    • View Profile
Re: Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2014, 08:38:09 pm »
Telarus, KSC,
.__.  Keeper of the Contradictory Cephalopod, Zenarchist Swordsman,
(0o)  Tender to the Edible Zen Garden, Ratcheting Metallic Sex Doll of The End Times,
/||\   Episkopos of the Amorphous Dreams Cabal

Join the Doll Underground! Experience the Phantasmagorical Safari!

The Wizard Joseph

  • Tryna transcend duality or whatever
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 50522
  • Product of Wisconsin
    • View Profile
Re: Darth Vader in Ukraine Elections
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2014, 11:06:58 pm »

That one day the fine institution of voting for a fictional character pretending to be a real person will be overturned buy a real person running as a fictional character.

I've gotten to know exactly one Ukrainian in my life, years ago. A process engineer, horrible drunk, and really great guy.
Somehow this seems like something he would do. .. or at least vote for. Egad!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz: