Author Topic: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)  (Read 4284 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2016, 04:10:57 pm »
This is Really Good Stuff.

I keep picturing it as a cartoon. No person in this parable is permitted to have proper personal proportions.

Agreed.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2016, 04:32:41 pm »
We staggered out of the loser bar, and of course Richter had been into the stuff.  He had freckles, fer Chrissakes, and every time we passed a dame, he offered to let her "kiss the Blarney stones."  The ones that didn't catch the plural thought he was drunk, and the ones that did catch the plural slapped his face.  Fortunately, head shots don't count on the Irish, even if their Irishness is temporary and drug-induced.

I had the rest of the privilege in my pocket.  Richter's excesses had, of course, not put much of a dent in profits, so there was plenty of cabbage left to be made. 

But as we walked down Sideways Street, a garbage truck whipped around the corner and screeched to a halt at the curb next to us.  An emaciated arm poked out, and pointed at us.  "Hey, youse two mugs...Big Ma wants her cut."

Before I had a chance to say anything, Richter hollered "Fuck away with ye!  I'll bate ya pretty, so I will, ye great ugly pish-tippler!"

This was apparently really good Irish privilege, and really, really bad news.

The thing in the garbage truck laughed.  "Okay, tell your drunk friend the joke is over.  Time to let Big Ma wet her beak."

"There's no enough privilege in the world to dampen that wee honker," Richter screamed, "Hae ye seen the SIZE of it, ye horrible wee spide?"

Well, that did it.  The figure in the garbage truck flung a rude gesture our way.  I hauled out my gat and shot him twice.  He slumped across the wheel, and the garbage truck began to roll down the street.

"Wh'ta fuck you do THAT?"  Richter roared.

"Because he was going to go back and tell Big Ma about your behavior,"  I said, "And then she'd have us stuffed in a tumblr and thrown in the harbor.  This way, she doesn't know yet that we did this, and anyway, it's one less mug for us to deal with when she does come after us."

I noticed that the garbage truck was picking up speed and more or less aimed at the local Home for Wayward Palins.  It hit the front and didn't even slow down.  Poor Bristol.  Gonna be half a dozen less sprogs running around next spring.

But now I had other things to worry about.

to be continued

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #32 on: February 09, 2016, 06:17:56 pm »
Now a little number by the band Shinedown!

Yeah, I get it, you're an outcast
Always under the fartblanket, always coming in last
Bringing up the past, no one owes you anything
I think you need a privilege blast, a kick in the ass
So upset, watch your back
Oh my, here we go
Another loose cannon gone social justice
Too damned righteious, won't hang with us
Tumblr's got no sense of humor
I'm still laughing like hell
You think that by screaming at me
Looking so angry that I'm gonna believe
That I've been infected by a social media disease
Well, then I'll take my medicine
I created the sound of privilege, wrote the book on pain
Somehow I'm still here to mansplain
That the darkest hour never comes in the night
You can speak with a blog
When you gonna wake up and fight for yourself?...


At this point, the stage is riddled by gunfire from stage left.  Then a rocket slams into it.  Then a tank rolls over the smoking wreckage.

"Well," Richter said, "I just got a brand new phobia!"

To be continued
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #33 on: February 09, 2016, 06:56:14 pm »
Was not expecting that.   :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #34 on: February 09, 2016, 07:59:03 pm »
Was not expecting that.   :lulz:

Neither was I, but it killed the earwig.   :lol:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Nephew Twiddleton

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2016, 11:43:05 pm »
Steely-Eyed Replicant Frottage Master of Yesterday's Lost Glory
Sentence or sentence fragment pending[/size]

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Richter

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #36 on: February 11, 2016, 02:18:09 am »
Best musical ever  :lulz:
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #37 on: February 11, 2016, 05:18:40 am »
We staggered out of the loser bar, and of course Richter had been into the stuff.  He had freckles, fer Chrissakes, and every time we passed a dame, he offered to let her "kiss the Blarney stones."  The ones that didn't catch the plural thought he was drunk, and the ones that did catch the plural slapped his face.  Fortunately, head shots don't count on the Irish, even if their Irishness is temporary and drug-induced.

I had the rest of the privilege in my pocket.  Richter's excesses had, of course, not put much of a dent in profits, so there was plenty of cabbage left to be made. 

But as we walked down Sideways Street, a garbage truck whipped around the corner and screeched to a halt at the curb next to us.  An emaciated arm poked out, and pointed at us.  "Hey, youse two mugs...Big Ma wants her cut."

Before I had a chance to say anything, Richter hollered "Fuck away with ye!  I'll bate ya pretty, so I will, ye great ugly pish-tippler!"

This was apparently really good Irish privilege, and really, really bad news.

The thing in the garbage truck laughed.  "Okay, tell your drunk friend the joke is over.  Time to let Big Ma wet her beak."

"There's no enough privilege in the world to dampen that wee honker," Richter screamed, "Hae ye seen the SIZE of it, ye horrible wee spide?"

Well, that did it.  The figure in the garbage truck flung a rude gesture our way.  I hauled out my gat and shot him twice.  He slumped across the wheel, and the garbage truck began to roll down the street.

"Wh'ta fuck you do THAT?"  Richter roared.

"Because he was going to go back and tell Big Ma about your behavior,"  I said, "And then she'd have us stuffed in a tumblr and thrown in the harbor.  This way, she doesn't know yet that we did this, and anyway, it's one less mug for us to deal with when she does come after us."

I noticed that the garbage truck was picking up speed and more or less aimed at the local Home for Wayward Palins.  It hit the front and didn't even slow down.  Poor Bristol.  Gonna be half a dozen less sprogs running around next spring.

But now I had other things to worry about.

to be continued

As an aside...

Giuseppe Stragone had done a lot of nasty things, experienced things most folks never had to even consider feeling. That was just part of the life of the freelance sorcerer. This wasn't the first job he'd used a mzumbe corporeal for, but he'd never taken a bullet in one before. He sure never wanted to again.

He'd come to, still in his chair, the table, candle, and shewstone still in their places. Worst headache of his life, and that was REALLY saying something. The candle had almost burned down.  Must have been out for better than 2 hours. Seemed his nose had bled for some time as well, the front of his favorite white shirt was still pretty wet with it. Fucking pricks.

"Now comes the hard part," he thought as he gathered his breath and stilled the innumerable screaming nerve endings seeking his urgent attention. Dealing with those stronzo buffoni was one thing, sending word of their clear refusal to his erratic, if lucrative, employer was quite another. "Big Ma" had loaned him the mzumbe too. Bet THAT was coming out of his bonus.

Even if he hadn't just felt searing lead ricochet around in his cranium his instincts told him that inviting any sort of direct spiritual contact or confrontation with his current employer would be a terrible mistake indeed. Finding both a once marvelously well preserved mzumbe corporeal and a freelancer willing and able to use it and ALSO keep his fucking mouth shut could not have been easy, but who was he to question when the checks cleared really?

He steadied himself before testing his balance, walking to the wall, and ringing in the operator. He sensed the operator's hesitation when he said what number he wanted to be connected to. "Now doll. Tell her Wiseman has a report for her. She's expecting me." The line opened and Giuseppe felt his guts go cold with what he hoped was merely shock.

Stragone had found it was often best not to think too hard about things when working with the mystical, especially when you're knowingly risking your soul for coin. It's bad for the nerves.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #38 on: February 11, 2016, 04:06:24 pm »
 :lulz:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #39 on: February 11, 2016, 05:27:55 pm »
:lulz:

Glad you liked that! The mention of a garbage truck kinda set those wheels in motion. :)
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2016, 04:27:17 pm »
Richter and I were sitting in a greasy spoon on 9th & Carmody, when a bunch of Tucker Torpedoes pulled up in front of the joint.  We both put our hands on our gats, ready to do a runner out the back door...But the doors of the cars opened, and guys in skinny jeans got out, twitching like Michael J Fox.  Then She got out of the last Torpedo.  Herself.  Big Ma.

She was of indeterminate age, concealed under baggy jeans and a rumpled T-shirt with "That's Not Funny" written on the front.  She was shaped like one of those funny looking squashes you sometimes see at the county fair.  Normal at one end, and huge and bulbous on the other.  While I was taking all of this in, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Richter had buried his nose in a bag of pure uncut trustafarian privilege (comma left out intentionally).  This wasn't going to end well.

"Would you look at the size of that booty?"  he hollered.

"Richter, that's Big Ma, and she's come for us."

"HOT DIGGITY!  LOOK AT THOSE GLUTES!"

"There's more to life than a big ass, Richter."

Richter stared at me.  "You think about what you just said, dude.  YOU JUST THINK ABOUT IT!  If a wide ass isn't the reason for existing, then I don't want to live."

"That can apparently be arranged," I said, as the door to the diner opened, and Big Ma's goons poured into the room, all mumbling or squeaking the phrase "check your privilege" over and over again.   It was like being assaulted by dozen crack addict penguins.  I struggled, but it was no use.  Despite their light weight, I was bogged down under sheer numbers...They were ignoring Richter, who was staring at Big Ma's ass like he'd just found a new religion.  Maybe he had.

Big Ma stepped into the diner, and looked us over.  "Good morning, shitlords."

"'Mornin', Big Ma," I responded.  Richter mumbled something.  He had started to tremble and jerk, like he was being electrocuted.  Just how much of that trustafarian junk had he banged up his nose?

She gave Richter an appraising eye and a wink.  "You shitlords been buying local?"

I tried very hard not to look at the Kielbasa in my bowl.

To be continued
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

LMNO

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #41 on: February 17, 2016, 02:05:05 pm »
Now you're in for it.  SJWs.  You're sunk, mate.

Richter

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #42 on: February 19, 2016, 02:14:56 am »
 :lulz:
I'm either about to run my mouth like a CHAMP of puke down her t-shirt
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #43 on: February 19, 2016, 02:36:01 am »
:lulz:
I'm either about to run my mouth like a CHAMP of puke down her t-shirt

:lulz:

I plan on adding a bit more tomorrow.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Richter and Me, a Prohibition Tale (in installments)
« Reply #44 on: February 23, 2016, 07:08:02 am »
You know what sucks? Writing several paragraphs of story that you're proud as fuck of until after 1 a.m. and seeing a slip of the finger when it's all highlighted for transfer totally destroy it. That is what sucks. I'll be able to reproduce it pretty closely, but NOW I have to sleep to go work for assholes I don't like instead of telling the much cooler story of a character working for an asshole HE doesn't like.

Now excuse me....


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKK!!!!!

 :argh!:  fuckin'  :argh!:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz: