Author Topic: But it's a dry heat, Roger.  (Read 1764 times)

SuuCal

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But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« on: June 20, 2016, 09:17:55 pm »
You know what I'm talking about. It's the excuse that Easterners who drown in humidity give when they feel bad that the sun is waging full fucking blown thermonuclear warfare on the Southwest.

Dry is relative. "Dry" means that I'm experiencing swampboob and swampass as a less-rapid pace than I would should this be in Providence. Of course, 104 degrees is Providence is guaranteed to carry with it 90% humidity, so you may as well take a hot bath and grow fucking gills.

But it's a dry heat, here. The kind that comes out of a fucking blast furnace.

You see, "San Diego" is not the pretty city on the coast that gets 75 degrees and sunny year round. That is "downtown". San Diego is a million and a half fucking people stuffed into a series of canyons and mountains that surrounds the 75 degrees and sunny. Nobody actually lives downtown. That's where they put the brochures. The people who work downtown all live in on the beach in Tijuana, because it's cheaper by at least half, and because the only people who can afford to live in La Jolla are actually probably invested in something far more sinister to have that much money. Sure, you have to live in Mexico, but there are worse things. Apparently, like living in the canyons. This is where San Diego stuck the Navy. It's cool for the tourists to see the aircraft carriers, but not where they live. So they put us 10 miles from downtown in the desert. 

My house is "lucky" I found out. The rattlesnakes and the tarantulas don't like the baseball field behind my house. Or the brick wall. Or the fact that my side of the canyon drops to the freeway, versus the other side, which drops into a wasteland of "do never go there, Simba" part of San Diego. On the other side of the canyon, they gave the houses a wire fence, a view of the mountains that are on fire, and a fucking prayer. The fire won't get here, though. The coyotes will. Don't put your cats and dogs outside. Or kids, for that matter.  Some kid got run over on the main road before I moved here. She was on the sidewalk, and it was deliberate. Some local saw a brown kid and decided he was doing the neighborhood a favor, but she was some master chief's daughter, and now the asshole isn't going to see the light of day for the rest of his life, which is probably a more humane treatment than what the Navy was going to give him. The glittery pink shrine reminds me of the graves on the roadside in Arizona, but under the shade of irrigated palm trees and thorny bougainvilleas. 

I've been here for 2 weeks, and already decided I don't like irrigation, because it's nothing more than a fucking lie. Farms? Sure. Grow shit, but lawns are a waste here, Roger. They water my front lawn once a week at 11:30pm, and tell us we can only put approved decorations out front. Meanwhile, my backyard is sharing traits with the Serengeti, but we can make it look like a small carnival as long as it's not seen from the front. Some people have fire pits, which sounds like a great fucking idea considering the grass itself is kindling. This seems to be a thing in California so far. Everybody is intelligent, progressive, and kind, but without a shred of common sense, which can be overlooked for opportunities to have great conversation. I had a great conversation yesterday with my manicurist.

...But then there's the fairly large amount of creationists out here, which is alarming. Apparently they moved here because they wanted to prove that paleontological findings in Southern California are all evidence of the Great Flood and that the La Brea Tar Pits is proof. Somehow. They're angry that San Diego won't let them put their museum downtown with the other museums in the park, such as the Natural History Museum, and the Museum of Man. They feel like they're "obligated to fit in." But the city keeps telling them to cop a walk. So, they're stuck in Santee, which is "That" suburb that all cities have. The one that the city limits just completely bypass and go around, despite devouring everything else around. The creationists are so gung-ho on their cause, that they put a selection of petrified wood in the gem show at the San Diego County Fair this weekend and used it to "prove" their theory. I never heard my husband "GUFAW" so loud in my life. He shot water out of his nose and had to go clean himself up.

It actually drizzled for 45 seconds at the fair. People ran for shelter, Jeff and I ate a funnel cake and watched them. I felt like an anthropologist. Jeff said I was mean.

Back East, I would comment on how I hadn't seen the sun in a week. I haven't seen a cloud here now for 3 days.

Now I understand why you hate nature so damn much.
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Pergamos

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2016, 09:56:04 pm »
I heartily concur on lawn irrigation.  It seems to be less common in Tucson, most people who care about their lawn here just kill everything and put down a nice bed of gravel.  Phoenix on the other hand has plenty of green lawns, they also have humid heat, because of the lawns and the canals and all the other open water laying about.

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2016, 10:46:04 pm »
There's no fucking point. Everything is dead. Why should people have green lawns when EVERYTHING ELSE IS DEAD? My housing community gave us signs to put on the lawn about conservation, and yet they have control over my sprinkler system. We have special shower heads to conserve water, and those super high efficiency toilets that Roger could probably still break, but they water my fucking dead grass.
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The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2016, 10:59:48 pm »
and those super high efficiency toilets that Roger could probably still break,

High efficiency means less water.

At what point would I NOT break one of those?
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SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2016, 11:32:32 pm »
and those super high efficiency toilets that Roger could probably still break,

High efficiency means less water.

At what point would I NOT break one of those?

These things are going to suck me in, I know it. I think in order to use less water, they really just opened a fucking seal to another dimension.
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Don Coyote

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #5 on: June 21, 2016, 03:57:11 am »
It could be worse. He could get stationed at China Lake.

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2016, 06:32:04 pm »
Fortunately he's not an airdale. Probably for these reasons. Stick the redhead in the tube of steel UNDER water, thanks.
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Don Coyote

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2016, 02:14:00 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2016, 02:17:15 am by Don Coyote »

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2016, 02:59:35 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
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Don Coyote

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2016, 03:03:32 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2016, 03:12:15 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

Oops? Were you stationed here?

Also, a third of San Diego County is on fire right now. My asthma is displeased.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Don Coyote

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2016, 03:15:08 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

Oops? Were you stationed here?

Also, a third of San Diego County is on fire right now. My asthma is displeased.

I grew in SoCal. And California bursts into flames at least once a year. My home town is getting smoked out by the fires near Bakersfield.

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2016, 03:35:47 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

Oops? Were you stationed here?

Also, a third of San Diego County is on fire right now. My asthma is displeased.

I grew in SoCal. And California bursts into flames at least once a year. My home town is getting smoked out by the fires near Bakersfield.

I have to admit, the ambivalence regarding the fires is sort of hilarious, and reminds me of hurricanes back east.

"Well, if we gotta evac, we gotta evac. Nothing we can do, and hopefully they'll contain it. Want a beer?"
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Don Coyote

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2016, 03:37:39 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

Oops? Were you stationed here?

Also, a third of San Diego County is on fire right now. My asthma is displeased.

I grew in SoCal. And California bursts into flames at least once a year. My home town is getting smoked out by the fires near Bakersfield.

I have to admit, the ambivalence regarding the fires is sort of hilarious, and reminds me of hurricanes back east.

"Well, if we gotta evac, we gotta evac. Nothing we can do, and hopefully they'll contain it. Want a beer?"

Just wait until an earthquake happens.

SuuCal

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Re: But it's a dry heat, Roger.
« Reply #14 on: June 25, 2016, 03:40:07 am »
Now all I'm thinking about is Tube Navy, Boat Navy, and Bird Navy.


And it just hit me that you're trapped in Caid, in Calafia. The suffering.

TUBE NAVY.

I've already had a lovely time with some members out here, but I don't remember how long ago it was since you played.

I just realized it's been almost a decade since I lived in California.

Oops? Were you stationed here?

Also, a third of San Diego County is on fire right now. My asthma is displeased.

I grew in SoCal. And California bursts into flames at least once a year. My home town is getting smoked out by the fires near Bakersfield.

I have to admit, the ambivalence regarding the fires is sort of hilarious, and reminds me of hurricanes back east.

"Well, if we gotta evac, we gotta evac. Nothing we can do, and hopefully they'll contain it. Want a beer?"

Just wait until an earthquake happens.

Already had a 5.5. I slept right through it.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."