Author Topic: Ominous Fortune Cookie  (Read 2668 times)

Ziegejunge

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Ominous Fortune Cookie
« on: March 24, 2017, 07:06:07 pm »
Inspired by a group chat with some friends.

Template here if anyone is likewise inspired: http://i.imgur.com/BsO2pgp.jpg

The quip that started it all (font used here is Adobe Hebrew):


Ominous fortune cookie lends itself rather well to some of the Five Word Horrors out there. A couple of my favorites:




And a couple more that were made before things started feeling a little too grim for a beautiful Friday like today:



The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2017, 08:07:13 pm »
Well... ok but just 8 times. Maybe more later but no promises.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2017, 04:06:48 am »
I have a few suggestions I came up with a while ago for a similar thread on another forum:

"Warm feelings will not protect you from dying of hypothermia"

"Keep your eyes open and you will see true horrors"

"You have a reputation for being brusque and overly blunt"

"Someone close to you is waiting for you to die"

"Life is too short to stay married"

"Your efforts will go unrewarded"

"An unpleasant surprise is waiting for you"

"Consume less. You're fat enough now"

"A very attractive person has an insult for you"

"There is no greater pleasure than necrophilia"

"Your will find the answers you seek, but learn that you have asked the wrong questions"

"You will flee to many exotic places in your lifetime"

"A bird in the hand will shit on you"

"Follow your bliss and poverty will follow"

"Money cannot buy happiness, buy it can buy Ecstacy"

""You have failed"

"Evil will always win because good is dumb"

"Freedom and love are temporary illusions created by an intellect trying to justify an existence without meaning or purpose"

"Man has no preeminence above the beasts, for everything is meaningless"

"You will be denied an award due to suspicions of doping"

"Adversity is the parent of injury"

"Necessity is the mother of starvation"

"Serious trouble will befall you"

"You will bring ruin to those that you love"

"Your thoughtlessness is a detriment to others"

"You will be plagued by nightmares"

"They're coming to get you"

"Illuminati run the country. Wear a hat made out of foil"

"You will get diabetes from eating too many cookies"

"Your lover has been unfaithful"

"Criminals will find your posessions pleasing"

"There are some things man was not meant to know"

"Hot times await you in the next world"

"Nothing is certain except death and taxes"

"The police are catching up to you"

"You will find misery in a new career"

"You will be revealed as a fraud"

"Your house is being robbed"

"You will be haunted by the past"

"You excel at failure"

"Beelzebub has a devil set aside for you"

"You will find true love in a cemetary"

"Death stalks us all"

"Repent, for the end is near"

"You will develop an embarassing medical problem"

"A secret admirer is stalking you"

"Now is the time to take a long walk off a short pier"

"Rest has a detrimental effect on your career"

"Attenuate your desires"

"You will be taken advantage of for your patience and understanding"

"An exciting disease in in your future"

"You will be given the chance to take part in an exciting crime"

"Death waits for no one"

"An acquaintance will frame you for murder"

"Poverty is in your future"

"A surgeon will misread your chart"

"Nobody can do the impossible"

"Superior technology will triumph over the human spirit"

"You are never helpful with your help or advice"

"You will endure razot-sharp edged criticism today"

"A family member will yell at you"

"Laugh at the grief that poisons your heart"

"Tomorrow will be worse"

"Your spouse will find happiness with a new love"

"The cure for grief is suicide"

"A live dog is better than a dead lion"

"With an abundance of wisdom comes an abundance of grief"

"He who increases his wisdom increases too his sorrow"

"A devious lie could save your life"

"Look what you have done. There will be no forgiveness"

"All of your sorrows will vanish after death"

"Your success will inspire feelings of sour-grapes"

"The thing you dread will be worse than you imagined"

"You are forever cursed"

"You have made a terrible mistake"

"Hormone therapy is no substitute for a womb"

"You will die alone and unremembered"

"You will be disfigured but nobody will notice"

"People are laughing behind your back"

"Your failure will be celebrated"

"Your value system is dying"

"You will free yourself of ignorance only to latch on to folly"

"No amount of success can stave off senescence and death"

"Trophies and awards are no comfort on your deathbed"

"Someone dangerously incompetant will be given authority over you"

"If you run as fast as you can you may have a chance of not falling behind"

"You will suffer a humiliating injury"

"You will die an untimely death"

"Do not stop seeking until you find, and when you find you will be disturbed"

"Don't bother looking for fault, it is all around you"

"There is inequity in the places of justice"

"That which is crooked cannot be made straight"

"You will have a reaction to MSG"

"There is not a man on earth who does good and sins not"

"Your co-workers take pleasure in your gullibility"

"You will be mistaken for a criminal"

"Decrepitude is in your future"

"You are a person who can be safely ignored"

"A wrongful conviction os in store for you"

"There is nothing you can do to correct your mistakes"

"'Fortune-Telling is the beginning of Ignorance' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"'When the Tao is forgotten, there is righteousness. When righteousness is forgotten, there is morality. When morality is forgotten, there are law and ritual; these have only the superficial appearance of goodness' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"'The highest virtue is inaction' -Tao Te Ching 38"

"It takes a bad memory to have good memories"

"Don't cry, it's a waste of good suffering"

"Your suffering will be legendary, even in Hell"

"There is a secret song at the center of the world and it's sound is like razors through flesh"

"Your car is being stolen"

"Your lover will laugh at your small penis"

"The worst is still to come"

"Death is only the beginning"

"Flies are naturally attracted to you"

"A shiv is your passport into the hearts of others"

"Fleeing adversity is the source of your strength"

"Land is always on the mind of a falling lemming"

"You cannot love life until you get your daily fix"

"You will become narcissisistic if you believe in yourself"

"You will have to pay your lover"

"Keep an eye out for muggers"

"Now is the time to try heroin"

"A new voyage will fill your life with untold misery"

"Death awaits you very soon"

"Your natural incompetance dooms you to failure"

"Now is the time to abandon your convictions"

"Stop worrying and agonizing. Give up."

"Your darkest dream is coming true"

"Life does not get better by chance, only worse"

"Do not worry, you will have great peace in the grave"

"A detractor is hiding his or her contempt for you"

"You will be rewarded for being a kiss-ass this week"

"A close friend will betray you"

"You will soon debunk a miracle"

"War conquers all"

"The early worm gets the bird"

"Hope brings about disappointment"

"Trying is the first step towards failure"

"You will acquire a fortune"

"Today is not your lucky day"

"You will go on a long journey for 6-10 years when the cops catch on to you"

"Machiavelli Say: 'It is better to be feared than loved'"

"Machiavelli say: 'There are two methods of fighting, the one by law, the other by force; as the first is often insufficient, one must have recourse to the second'"

"Machiavelli say: 'A prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promise'"

"A nightmare you have will come true"

"Your best friend will marry your lover"

"If you feel you are right, you're even stupider than you look"

"Everyone agrees. You are the worst."

"Your golden opportunity passed by recently"

"You will always be surrounded by sycophants"

"Stop dreaming. Start giving up."

"Sinister forces control your destiny"

"Fortune favors the rich"

"A journety of 25000 miles will take you nowhere"

"Happiness comes from a good lie"

"You will be unsuccessful in love"

"A lifetime of heartache is in store for you"

"Nothing ever happens for a reason"

"God is dead"

"When you have become old and wise you will also be withered and crippled"

"Failure is an opportunity for admonition"

"Neitzsche say: 'What is good? All that heighten feeling of power'"

"Neitzsche say: 'There are no facts, only interpretations'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Whoever not have two-thirds of day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official, or a scholar'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Convictions more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Visit to an asylum show you how little belief worth'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Merit itself is offensive.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Unpleasant, dangerous, qualities can be found in every nation and every individual.'"

"Neitzsche say: 'Whoever fight monsters risk becoming a monster'"
« Last Edit: March 25, 2017, 04:25:16 am by Prelate Diogenes Shandor »
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

MMIX

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2017, 12:30:36 pm »
You are Donald Trump ~ RUN!
If the answer is Donald J Trump then it must have been a fucking stupid question.
Trump cultists; "and some, I assume, are good people"
Collusion??? ~ "If it truly was a nothingburger, there’s nothing here, why not open the kimono?”

Ziegejunge

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2017, 05:20:26 pm »
Great stuff here. Shandor's is a goldmine.

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2017, 06:38:45 pm »
"A letter of great importance will reach you after it's too late"

"Your true love will expose himself to you under the moonlight"

"the instrument of your death draws closer"

"All recrimination occurs because people dare to be different"

"You have a flair for adding a spurious dimension to any story"

"You have a deep appreciation of shallow media"

"You will become acquainted with liability law"

"You are a lover of words, but one day you will shut up"

"Your emotional nature is histrionic and overwrought"

"Sources hazy, try again"

"When you look down all you see is dirt; when you look up all you see is emptiness"

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even when it's a bad idea"

"You are not judged by the efforts you put in, you are judged by caprice"

"One does not simply walk into Mordor"

"You will be broken on Fortune's wheel"

"Serious romance is the restless ghost of infatuation"

"Nobody can reach the end of the rainbow"

"Fair is foul and foul is fair"

"Faith is a useless emotion"

"That is not dead which can eternal lie, and in strange eons even death may die"

"Keep following your dreams and you'll be in for a rude awakening"
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2017, 07:12:45 am »
"The 10-year-old girl who stamped out the dough for this cookie wishes you the best."

"A life without adventure is a life of maturity and realism."

"No one wants to know your fortune."

"Forgive yourself. You know what for."

"The voices can hear you, too."

"Don't look behind you."

"You are an extra in someone else's movie."

"You will not die alone. You'll be with me."
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2017, 12:24:26 pm »
Vex I'm not sure why, but after all the cool suggestions from you and Shandor I felt that the message from your avatar was the one to do just now.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

tyrannosaurus vex

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #8 on: March 29, 2017, 03:42:07 pm »
That works too. Haha
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #9 on: March 29, 2017, 07:04:08 pm »
Your true self is being hauled off by dingoes.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

 "Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2017, 08:59:05 pm »
Fresh batch here. Extra virgin!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Ziegejunge

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2017, 07:02:20 pm »
"Hold this under your tongue" made me snort and share.
Cheers, TWJ!

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2017, 07:16:16 pm »
"Hold this under your tongue" made me snort and share.
Cheers, TWJ!

 :putin:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #13 on: April 15, 2017, 07:24:31 am »
"Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together and you are no exception"

"there are lessons to be learned by eavesdropping on others"

"Love takes practice. Sleep around.

"You'll pay to inow what you really think"

"You are a fluke of the universe"

"You will be rewarded for your ignorance and brutality"

"Self-esteem and self-delusion are one and the same"

"Benefit by doing things that are forbidden"

"Hope is wasted on the hopeless"

"Qoheleth say" 'Everything is meaningless'"

"Sartre say: 'Hell is other people'"

"You will live in interesting times"

"People are things"

"You will discover your hidden weaknesses"

"Failure comes from within"

"You have the incompetence within you"

"Lord NHGH gazes upon you"

EDIT:

"Qoheleth say: 'The living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing'"

"Qoheleth say: 'As the fishes that are taken in an evil net, and as the birds that are caught in the snare; so are the sons of men snared in an evil time, when it falleth suddenly upon them.'"

EDIT:

"Kill yourself"

EDIT:

"[Starkweather say] 'Dead people are all on the same level'"

"Ted Bundy say: 'Guilt. It's this mechanism we use to control people. It's an illusion. It's a kind of social control mechanism and it's very unhealthy.'"

"Ted Bundy say: 'When you feel the last bit of breath leaving their body, you're looking into their eyes. A person in that situation is God.""
« Last Edit: April 16, 2017, 05:39:45 am by Prelate Diogenes Shandor »
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Ominous Fortune Cookie
« Reply #14 on: April 16, 2017, 09:14:37 pm »
"The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming vehicle"

"Retribution is on it's way"

"All troubles that you have end quickly when you pass away"

"In the eyes of drunkards everythig is beautiful"

"Charles Manson say: 'how do communicate to a whole group of people? You stand up and take the worst fear symbol and say "There, now I've got your fear. Now I've got your fear." And your fear is your power and your power is your control'"

"Resist the temptation to let your instincts guide you"

"Make a budget or lose your house"

"You know where you want to go, but you cannot get there from here"

"[The Sith say:] 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to power. Power leads to victory. Through victory one's chains are broken. [The force will set you free.]'"

"Enthisiastic leadership gets you a promotion when you least deserve it"

"Others enjoy your money"

"A tearful message is on it's way to you"

"Don't get caught"

"You will be selected for a promotion due to an underling's accomplishments"
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago