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Author Topic: Ten Songs and They are All Lies  (Read 1011 times)

Mr. Gone

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Ten Songs and They are All Lies
« on: May 03, 2017, 02:36:37 am »
You had the chance...it was right there in your greasy fucking palms. 

Opportunity.

That's right...Opportunity.

We all have a chance to hold it, and then to run with it. We don't all get to run in the same direction though, some paths are different.  Yes, some will be shinier, with better pavers...some may be cobblestone...some may be dirt and rubble. But we all have pathways to take us to a better pla...

Oh, fuck...no...actually that's not true.  Yes, I was going to suggest everyone gets a chance to get to a better place in life.  That happy, Hollywood, tearjerker, Good News(tm) happy ending.  But the truth is there are some men who make it their goal in life to crush and destroy these pathways.  To utterly destroy any opportunities for betterment and joy...and also the opportunities to take in oxygen...

But, there is a special place in Hell for yet other "men".  You know who they are...maybe you are one of them...

..."Not My Problem"...

"I've got bills."
"I've got a bad back"
"I've got to watch Orange is the New...'

Shut the fuck up you and your fat mug full of Grade A, Natural, Organic Trigger Warnings.

Wash and scrub your hands of it all you will, they will still be dripping with sarin-steeped blood.
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PoFP

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Re: Ten Songs and They are All Lies
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2017, 03:47:09 pm »
I like the argument being made, and I like what you've got as a base.

Part of me feels like you had a particular event or situation in mind when writing about this, which really helps with depth and feeling.

It might just be me, but I didn't read it as a rant as much as I read it as a poem. And if you want it to have more power, more UMPH, use more metaphor. Be less direct. It allows you to portray all of the emotion and the message with less words, and helps with flow.


This is just my two cents. I understand that I've just walked up to someone and suggested that they express themselves in a different way to make it more appealing, which is a dick move, to say the least. Feel free to tell me to fuck off, and all that. But I figured I'd give you some feedback. I, personally, hate expressing myself and being given no response whatsoever. Even if the lack of response is due to general forum slowness and lack of activity.
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Listen carefully. I don't have much time, and I only have 462 characters left. I'm a scientist from Area 52 (Area 51 was used to draw attention from Area 52, where the aliens were ACTUALLY stored) who was working on neural interfacing with networked devices. In an experiment gone wrong, I accidentally uploaded my mind to the internet. In the 2 seconds I had before my mind scrambled itself with the world's network traffic, I was able to store this snippet in this random internet signature. If you're reading this, let the world know tha

Mr. Gone

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Re: Ten Songs and They are All Lies
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2017, 11:28:54 pm »
No worries friend.  Feedback is appreciated.

It was just feelings and reflections in a moment. 

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