Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 700 times)

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2018, 01:11:58 am »
So one of my janitorial crew members is apparently Billy's long-lost twin brother.

*standing by the water treatment plant*

Nick:  "So you guys know about this sort of thing?"

Me:  "Yup."

Nick:  "What's it like in there?"

Billy:  "Unadulterated horror."

Nick:  "What?"

Me:  "It's basically world war I in there.  Non-stop chemical warfare, only the Huns are microbes."

Billy:  "Genocide every day.  If things go right."

Nick:  "But they're just germs."

Billy:  "'Just germs, he says."

Me:  "You need to see the sewage treatment plant on the South end.  It's the other way around there...By which I mean, you spend all day trying to keep germs alive."

Nick:  "Why?"

Billy:  "What do you think eats the poop?"

Nick:  "I never thought about it, really."

Me:  "Imagine a few billion workers, furiously eating shit all day, while trying not to drown."

Nick:  "So, like my life."

Nick gets it.  Nick is not going to be a janitor for long.  No, Billy and I see big things ahead for him, and I think maybe he needs to get moved into the water management side of things.

Don Coyote

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2018, 05:03:19 am »
I found this looking for almost this, and...the universe scares me

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2018, 08:17:13 pm »
I found this looking for almost this, and...the universe scares me

 :lulz:  :lulz:
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #18 on: Yesterday at 02:41:56 am »
Things I said at work today:

"The next person I catch standing on the top of a self-supporting ladder gets to clean out the spa."

"Boss, Billy and Nick are freaking me out.  They've been working together all day and I can't catch them fucking off.  This isn't natural.  And now I have to fuck off all by myself."

"If being a director means I can't dance to Abba with the HR lady, then what's the POINT?"


Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #19 on: Today at 12:22:56 am »
*Billy & Nick, outside of my office*

Billy:  "Look at that.  He's eerily life-like."

Nick:  "I keep expecting him to move or something."

Me:  "UM, I'M SITTING RIGHT HERE, ARSE BISCUITS."

Nick:  "IT TALKS!"

Me:  "It also hands out assignments.  Like who's gonna go unstop the men's room toilet next to the main gym."

I looked up at this point, but they were gone, like a fart in the night.