Author Topic: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)  (Read 9543 times)

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #60 on: April 06, 2018, 12:54:18 am »
I like this one.

Kevin is still adjusting to Tucson.
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #61 on: April 06, 2018, 01:00:30 pm »
When's Billy's last day?

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #62 on: April 07, 2018, 06:04:55 am »
When's Billy's last day?

Today was his last day.  There's a good story in this, but it will have to wait until my blood sugar is where it needs to be.

Monday he gets the first two tons of shit.
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #63 on: April 12, 2018, 01:12:48 am »
I am on this "energy committee" thing at work. It hasn't even actually been formed yet, nobody has been confirmed as a member. I am already being emailed by people who are *most likely* going to be members, and all of them are saying, "These are our conclusions, please warp the data to fit."

Also, the engineer involved is hilariously condescending. Today, he tried to explain to me what a kilowatt hour is, because I am obviously a trogdolyte who thinks that electricity is magic given to us by the Gods.

And here I am, with no Billy to assist me in my horrible mockery.   :cry:
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

LMNO

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #64 on: April 12, 2018, 12:35:26 pm »
I have faith in your HorriblenessTM.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #65 on: April 13, 2018, 12:45:15 am »
Kevin: "I can't understand it. I checked everything, and the fiber optics still aren't working."

Me: "You sure you checked everything?"

Kevin: "I walked the entire building."

Me: "Oh. I probably should have told you...Someone ran the node over. Again."

"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Vanadium Gryllz

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #66 on: April 13, 2018, 02:09:47 am »
Completely flattened it!

Do these people just drive off after smashing the nodes?
"I was fine until my skin came off.  I'm never going to South Attelboro again."

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #67 on: April 13, 2018, 12:45:00 pm »
I like how you strung Kevin along on that one.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #68 on: April 14, 2018, 06:07:33 am »
I like how you strung Kevin along on that one.

Troubleshooting sometimes includes noticing the obvious.  Like a gigantic truck full of sand repeatedly driving over your signal source, forever.
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #69 on: April 14, 2018, 06:08:20 am »
Completely flattened it!

Do these people just drive off after smashing the nodes?

The first truck driver did.  I heard he made bail.

The second guy just stood there looking sheepish until the cops showed up, so it was just an insurance thing.
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #70 on: April 14, 2018, 08:32:44 am »
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2018, 08:35:11 am by Doktor Howl »
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #71 on: May 16, 2018, 08:33:37 pm »
Things I said at work today:

1.  "The reason you dislike your job is because you have not yet been exposed to academia."
2.  "No, we cannot post ads in the paper about your missing boa constrictor.  How the hell did you lose a boa constrictor?  How big was it?  Oh, this should be an interesting week or so."
3.  "Boss, I don't feel it's fair to ask me to keep a straight face about a homeowner losing a 12 foot boa constrictor in a town full of cranky & slow old MAGA people.  This is how I get my happy thoughts, you knew that when you hired me."
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

LMNO

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #72 on: May 16, 2018, 10:59:18 pm »
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

I completely forgot to ask how you ended up with a pentagon for an office.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #73 on: May 17, 2018, 01:12:30 am »
My new office has the following dimensions:

Height:  15 feet
Wall 1:  6.5 feet
Wall 2:  16.5 feet
Wall 3:  13 feet
Wall 4:  11 feet
Wall 5:  21 feet.

Also, the angles don't add up. 

Hounds of Tindalos?  NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

I completely forgot to ask how you ended up with a pentagon for an office.

I am apparently not designed to be viewed by the general public, and my henchmen are worse.

So they found an extradimensional space for our exile.

CALL ME ZOD, HUMANS!
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.

Doktor Howl

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Re: The Compleat Billy Chronicles (thanks to Zenpatista)
« Reply #74 on: May 17, 2018, 10:11:01 pm »
Kevin:  "You should stop laughing, boss.  This isn't funny."

Me:  "There are no possible conditions under which this isn't funny."

Kevin:  "She was seriously injured."

Me:  "Yes.  She was seriously injured because she was walking on the Spanish tiles on a roof on which she had no business being, trying to catch waiters fucking off out back for a smoke.  How the hell did she even get up there?  I don't know.  You don't know.  Nobody fucking knows, and she ain't saying.  So instead of doing her flying nun routine, she fell.  And she fell because God hates a busy-body snitch who has no better way to spend her retirement than criminal trespassing in an attempt to get a minimum wage employee fired."

Kevin:  "Well, when you say it like that..."

Me:  "Damn right.  God hates snitches, I hate snitches, and every right-thinking human being hates snitches."

Kevin:  "Harsh."

Me:  "Remember Judas Iscariot?  Neither do I."
"Letting a God into your life is like letting "Bob" into your wallet.  It's going to hurt, because they always grab more things that they said they would."
-Some silly dead bastard in Tucson.

" Jonas Salk could SHIT ON MY DESK, and I'd still sing his praises.  No more polio kids in iron lungs or wheelchairs.  Jonas Salk did fucking MAD SCIENCE, and the world is a million times better for it."
- The same dumbass.