Author Topic: LMNO-PI  (Read 74062 times)

LMNO, PhD (life continues)

  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82070
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
LMNO-PI
« on: March 23, 2005, 01:17:10 pm »
The City.  Cold, grey, full of angles jutting at odd, predictable angles.  A place where anarchy lies just a gunshot away from the uneasy order that has slowly taken over.  Gee, I miss the suburbs.

It was a grey morning, as I groggily lifted my head from my desk.  I vaguely wondered who had cracked open my brain pan & replaced it with charcoal in mid-burn, when I noticed the bottle next to me, a half-inch of amber liquid left.  Right.  Another night of self-pity, in the City that doesnt care.  Coming fully into painful consciousness, I grabbed the bottle & poured the rest of the cheap scotch into last nights glass, fighting the nausea of a new day.

I leaned back in my chair, and looked out the window, at the concrete prison of Ideas that is the City.  There was little traffic this morning, as most people only come to the City when they have to.  Government, Inc. had proclaimed today to be a holiday for tax purposes, so the worker bees stayed in their hives, fearing to tread in the unpredictable streets.

Hearing the outer door open, I ran my fingers through my hair.  Graying already, my temples turning the color of the pavement.  The knock came as I straightened my tie, trying to make it look like I didnt spend the night passed out in an alcoholic haze.

When She walked in, it was like a Krakatoa sunrise.  Short red hair trained to hold the curves of her skull like it was the president of the Clara Bow fan club, and a dress to match.  Legs that went for miles, all standing unsteadily on a pair of heels that could be used as weapons.  What the fuck was she doing here, in this room, in this building, in this City?  She was the kind of woman who threw the unfeeling vastness of the City into pure focus, just by standing there, radiating life.

Are you LMNO?
Some call me that, yeah.
I hear youre a dick.  I need someone to be a dick for me.
Did I mention Im a fan of double entendres, as well?  

She smiled, a quick, no-teeth smile of condescension, but I could tell from her eyes she was holding something back. It took a lot to stand the City.  We all have our armor, some of us just hide it better.  What can I do for you, I asked.

Its this, she said, tossing a playing card on my desk.  I picked it up, and noticed it wasnt a playing card, but a Tarot card.  The Tower, to be exact.

Ouch.

She looked worried, and in that moment, it seemed like the entire Universe wanted to protect her, reassure her. What is it? she asked.

Are you trying to tell me something?  Dames like you dont just walk in here and throw Tarot at me.  I usually leave that to the Gypsies.
Someone slipped this into my box last night.
What did I tell you about entendres?
Look, LMNOWhat kind of name is that, anyway?
My parents were librarians.  They liked keeping everything lined up.
IĶ See. She gave me a look like she wasnt sure whether to believe me.  Well, Ive been getting mysterious phone calls over the past few weeks, and now this.  Im frightened.
What kind of phone calls?
Its embarrassing.  I wont tell you, unless you want to take the case.  

I thought about next months rent, and the dwindling case of scotch in the closet.  What the hell, I thought, at least itll be interestingĶ  Sure, dollface, Ill work with you.  Now why dont you tell me about it from the beginningĶ
LMNO
Pope/Wrought Iron Instigator
First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

Malaul

  • Feles mala
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 5172
    • View Profile
    • Just Me, no one else.
LMNO-PI
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2005, 01:30:34 pm »
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Coito ergo sum
O! Plus! Perge! Aio! Hui! Hem!
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.  --Comedian Chris Rock

Hoshiko

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2505
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2005, 02:17:07 pm »
8)

<chin in hand, Hoshiko stares raptly at the screen, waiting for the next chapter>
Making people sorry they asked since 1983.

                    **************************

She got the speakers in the trunk
With the bass on crunk.

Mangrove

  • Founder of the David Foster Wallace Appreciation Society
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 11751
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2005, 03:25:35 pm »
RAH!  :D
What makes it so? Making it so is what makes it so.

Horab Fibslager

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 10007
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2005, 07:05:27 pm »
stop stealing my imaginary lives!/size]
Hell is other people.

gnimbley

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 4161
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2005, 09:25:08 pm »
Can one tapdance to this?

LMNO, PhD (life continues)

  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82070
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
LMNO-PI
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2005, 01:23:49 pm »
She sat down in an old, creaky wooden chair. She looked down at her hands, slender and tipped with nails like rubies.

It all started 23 days ago, she began.  I started getting calls on my cell phone.  At first, there was this buzzing, squeaking noise, like a mouse trapped in a fax machine.  I thought it was just some sort of weird atmospheric thing, but after a few times of this, I started to hearĶ messagesĶ Oh, I dont know if I can go on.

Relax, have a seat.  Would you like some pie?

What?

Sorry.  Inside joke.  Drink?  I grabbed a glass from a desk drawer, and wiped down the rim with my shirttail.  I stood up, feeling the joints in my knees pop, and the labor union that was my lower back decided to go on strike.   Wincing, I made my way gingerly to the closet, where the last lone bottle of scotch lived.  I cracked the seal, & poured her a finger or two.  Now, what did these voices sound like?

She sipped on the liquor, and made a face. Do you have any ice?

What?  Do you prefer crack?

ĶIm not sure I

Ice?  In scotch?  You damesĶ

Dagger-eyed, she gulped down another sip.  The voices, she continued pointedly, were more like muttering.  Whispers.  But gurgled, like they were getting over a head cold.  But also distorted, like a Big Black song.

Wonders never cease, I thought.  Where did a classy broad like this find out about Big Black?  So, what did theseĶ eldritchĶ voices say?

I couldnt figure it out, so I wrote it out phonetically.  She reached her delicate hand up, and teased upon the neckline of her dress, slyly slipping her fingers between the fabric and her skin, allowing not so much as a square centimeter of flesh to show, but making anyone looking believe they had seen the hills of the Holy land itself.  This chick is a born tease.  Her hand withdrew from her cleavage, and between the index and middle fingers was a slip of paper.  She unfolded it, and the light scent of her flesh filled the narrow and dusty office.

At that moment, the weak light bulb, not the most friendly of appliances at the best of times, decided to revolt against its electrical masters.  With a flash and a pop, the office grew noticeably darker.  Even with the bright morning light, the grime and soot on the offices windows was reluctant to improve the optics inside the room.  Startled, she took a step back, and raised her hand to her delicate ivory throat.  

Fuck, I muttered eloquently.  Reaching into my pockets, looking for a match, or a witticism, I finally produced a lighter, and used it to beat back some of the shadows encroaching on us.  Its ok, I said.  The wiring in this place sucks, but at least the rent doesnt cost me a kidney.

She smiled uneasily, then bent her head to peer at the paper in her hand.  The voices saidĶ Aye, eeyo.  Kootooloo fagthan.  Better check on the baby.  Eevoh-hay, Pan-janitor.  And thats how I saved Christmas.  LMNO, what does this mean?  She quickly lifted her head, and looked into my eyes.  I felt like time would stop as her green eyes locked into my blue, it felt like she was crawling up my optic nerves and into my brain, driving those perfect fingers into my cortex, twisting my brain stem around her little finger.

Grunting, I broke the eye contact, shaking my head like some beast with a nose full of porcupine quills.  How did she do that?  I took the slip of paper from her, desperately hoping our fingers didnt touch.  Let me look at that.  Oh, and if Im going to take you case, I better know what to call you.

You can call me Erin.
LMNO
Pope/Wrought Iron Instigator
First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

Hoshiko

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2505
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2005, 02:46:01 pm »
Pan-Janitor? Uh-oh...


Why do I get the feeling eL's gonna lose a kidney before all of this is over?

And does he eat the note? Please tell me he eats the note afterwards!
Making people sorry they asked since 1983.

                    **************************

She got the speakers in the trunk
With the bass on crunk.

LMNO, PhD (life continues)

  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82070
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
LMNO-PI
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2005, 02:54:36 pm »
Quote from: Hoshiko
Pan-Janitor? Uh-oh...


Why do I get the feeling eL's gonna lose a kidney before all of this is over?

And does he eat the note? Please tell me he eats the note afterwards!


I gotta say, I really have no idea where this is going.... I'm just trying to get down about 600 words each chapter.  I might have to do the Burroughs/RAW trick & do stream of conciousness cut-ups.  Or I'll just steal some of Horabs more confusing posts.

[edit:  but i will take peanut gallery suggestions into consideration.  And keep an eye out for the Scrids!]
LMNO
Pope/Wrought Iron Instigator
First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

Hoshiko

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 2505
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2005, 03:01:04 pm »
Oh, if you need ideas, I've got ideas  :twisted:
Making people sorry they asked since 1983.

                    **************************

She got the speakers in the trunk
With the bass on crunk.

agent compassion

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 9570
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2005, 03:35:26 pm »
Quote from: ellemeno
The City. Cold, grey, full of angles jutting at odd, predictable angles. A place where anarchy lies just a gunshot away from the uneasy order that has slowly taken over. Gee, I miss the suburbs.


 :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  

I don't know how anyone could miss suburbs. It's like Thud. It is Thud.

AC,
still missing the city,
and stealing Chef's signoff.

 8)

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon


Cain

  • Chekha
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 97265
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2005, 03:37:53 pm »
The 'burb are indeed the land of Thud.
"The thoughts of all men arise from the darkness. If you are the movement of your soul, and the cause of that movement precedes you, then how could you ever call your thoughts your own? How could you be anything other than a slave to the darkness that comes before? Only the Logos allows one to mitigate that slavery. Only knowing the sources of thought and action allows us to own our thoughts and our actions, to throw off the yoke of circumstance."
- R. Scott Bakker, The Darkness That Comes Before

agent compassion

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 9570
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2005, 03:40:46 pm »
Yep, and infested with rich white conservatards too, I canvassed this county all summer...they're everywhere.... ::shudder::

In recent years though, Mexican and Korean immigrants have found this neighborhood to be hospitable, so now there is at least some kinda culture around here.

 8)

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon


LMNO, PhD (life continues)

  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 82070
  • Internet Fuckweasel of Haunted Pork Dimensions.
    • View Profile
    • Earfatigue Productions: When it has to sound like you give a shit.
LMNO-PI
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2005, 03:52:46 pm »
You make one wisecrack, and look what happens...


 :)
LMNO
Pope/Wrought Iron Instigator
First Church of Last Exit Before Toll
The Spider Project.

Buy the Chao te Ching, or be doomed forever.

http://www.stonybrook.edu/sb/marburger/index.shtml

"Get offa me, you freaks!  This is not North Korea.  No.  This is America, and I expect to be PAID for that sort of nonsense.  In advance.  No credit...Cash on the barrelhead or GTFO.  I swear to God, there's nothing more annoying than commie perverts who don't understand the intrinsic value of the free market system."

agent compassion

  • Deserved It
  • ****
  • Posts: 9570
    • View Profile
LMNO-PI
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2005, 04:01:21 pm »
:lol:

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon