Author Topic: Give us your best philosophy joke  (Read 17547 times)

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #60 on: February 01, 2015, 07:33:09 pm »
At least Nigel has heard me tell this one.

How many angels does it take to screw in a light bulb?

At least 2.

The real question is..  why are they in a light bulb?
It must be a turn On.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

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"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #61 on: February 01, 2015, 08:00:57 pm »
How many recovering alcoholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?


None... they'll just turn it over, walk away, and let it screw itself.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Doktor Howl

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #62 on: February 01, 2015, 11:31:22 pm »
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.

They just sit in the dark.

Alone.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #63 on: February 02, 2015, 05:02:24 am »
How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None.

They just sit in the dark.

Alone.

 :lulz:

I liked this one extra because the old man is a drummer.
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #64 on: February 02, 2015, 06:43:30 am »
What is far more annoying than an Athenian philosopher?

Two of them.



Apocryphal, considered the height of Spartan humor during the very brief 'more words' period of Laconic philosophy. Records are sketchy as much was lost to a social backlash that saw almost all documents written from the period used as shop rags and toiletry accessories.
- Dustrael, 'last of the muthaeffin' Grigori
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #65 on: February 02, 2015, 08:25:39 am »
If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to observe it, will I still get busted for trafficking in endangered amazonian hardwoods?
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

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LuciferX

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #66 on: February 02, 2015, 07:04:59 pm »
Eight priests were going to the French Riviera on vacation and decided that they would make this a real adventure by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. That would be easy because the Riviera is clothing optional. So as soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really big, outrageous, cool sunglasses.

The next morning, the priests went to the beach wearing only sun block, the sunglasses and a smile.  They were sitting on beach chairs enjoying a drink, when a drop dead gorgeous blonde, obviously natural, came walking straight toward them with her breasts swinging like church bells.

They couldn't help but stare and then she smiled and said, "Good morning Father, good morning Father..." nodding and addressing each one of them individually, then passed on by. They were stunned -- how in the world did she recognise all of them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store to buy huge outrageous hats to complete the disguise. Again they settled on the beach, in their chairs, drinks in hand, to enjoy the sunshine.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing only a sun hat this time, came walking toward them again.

She approached them and greeted them individually, "Good morning, Father, good morning Father..." and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes we are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?!"
"Oh, Father, don't you recognise me? I'm Sister Angela."

[Ed.  Format paragraphs]
« Last Edit: February 04, 2015, 07:54:59 pm by LuciferX »
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Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #67 on: February 04, 2015, 09:33:09 am »
When you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss snidely responds "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer"

It seems that the day after I posted this SMBC did a similar but much better executed version of the same joke:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3628#comic
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #68 on: February 04, 2015, 04:27:23 pm »
What's the difference between a Satanist and a Luciferian?

Mostly how comfortable you are with a tie.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

LuciferX

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #69 on: February 04, 2015, 08:04:12 pm »
What's the difference between a Satanist and a Luciferian?

Mostly how comfortable you are with a tie.

Thank you for being so... discerning :lulz:
Hic Salta?
________
Constant Eso-Opthamologist of Elicited Stopped-Clock Illusions, brings it back, or sinners just repent______

axod

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #70 on: February 04, 2015, 08:51:25 pm »
When you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss snidely responds "why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer"

It seems that the day after I posted this SMBC did a similar but much better executed version of the same joke:

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?id=3628#comic
When I met the abyss, I ripped it's eyes out of its head and put them into my skull, and, for a moment, I saw things anew.
just this

The Wizard Joseph

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #71 on: February 04, 2015, 10:15:01 pm »
What's the difference between a Satanist and a Luciferian?

Mostly how comfortable you are with a tie.

Thank you for being so... discerning :lulz:

I do live for the subtletease.
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

"Ayn Rand never swung a hammer in her life and had serious dominance issues" - The Fountainhead

"World domination is such an ugly phrase. I prefer to call it world optimisation."
 - Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality :lulz:

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago

LuciferX

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #73 on: February 06, 2015, 02:06:15 am »
What's the difference between a Satanist and a Luciferian?

Mostly how comfortable you are with a tie.

Thank you for being so... discerning :lulz:

I do live for the subtletease.
I try to relegate them knot.
Hic Salta?
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Constant Eso-Opthamologist of Elicited Stopped-Clock Illusions, brings it back, or sinners just repent______

Prelate Diogenes Shandor

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Re: Give us your best philosophy joke
« Reply #74 on: February 06, 2015, 08:34:38 am »
"What does Plato's Theory of Forms have to say about the DMV?"

(alternate version: "What does Plato's Theory of Forms have to say about the tax code?")
(alternate version: "What does Plato's Theory of Forms have to say about online job applications?")
« Last Edit: February 06, 2015, 08:37:24 am by Prelate Diogenes Shandor »
Praise NHGH! For the tribulation of all sentient beings.

a plague on both your houses -Mercutio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrTGgpWmdZQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVWd7nPjJH8

It is an unfortunate fact that every man who seeks to disseminate knowledge must contend not only against ignorance itself, but against false instruction as well. No sooner do we deem ourselves free from a particularly gross superstition, than we are confronted by some enemy to learning who would plunge us back into the darkness -H.P.Lovecraft

He who fights with monsters must take care lest he thereby become a monster -Nietzsche

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q

You are a fluke of the universe, and whether you can hear it of not the universe is laughing behind your back -Deteriorata

Don't use the email address in my profile, I lost the password years ago