Author Topic: Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.  (Read 88104 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« on: September 07, 2005, 03:13:37 am »
Now, first and foremost, The Good Reverend doesn't want you to think he is giving you orders...but allow me to make a few suggestions, before you run off and post your first threads/rants/etc.

1.  If you plan on posting an exciting thread showing your best Kerry Thornley/Ivan Stang imitation, please think carefully before doing so...many of us have been here for years, and we've already read the Principia/Book of the Subgenius/Revelation X, and everything by Robert Anton Wilson...and, unless you have something original to add to those, you're probably wasting your time.

2.  Likewise, referencing your pituitary gland, foot gland, or starting an Esperanto thread is very likely to result in your being fed to Fluffy.  And you don't want that, do you?

3.  "The rule of 5" and long threads discussing the mystical signifigance of the number 23 are perfectly legal...but don't cry when you get laughed at or ignored.  Again, those are only funny/interesting the first 300 or so times you hear them.

4.  Some posters (who shall remain nameless) will give you a hard time when you first start posting.  Those posters (who shall remain nameless) will call you a "sucker", tell you to "fuck off", and rip your masterpiece thread (about the number 23) to shreds.  There's absolutely nothing you can do to dissuade them (again, no names), and nobody can hear you scream.  Welcome to discordianism.

5.  For the love of Sweet Baby Jebus, DO NOT use the terms "real discordians", "true discordians", etc.  The Good Reverend doesn't care what happens to YOU, but he's sick of washing blood off the walls.

6.  We really aren't impressed that you can post gibberish, in an attempt to sound "discordian".  Nor are we awed by claims of superpowers (except when Agent Compassion makes them), descent from Elder Gawds(tm), or claims of being Malaclypse (any of them).  In fact, odds are that you'll be bound and gagged, and left at 14th and Minna...a fate best left undescribed.  And - just so you know - the last guy who decided to rip off Joshua Norton's act got banished here:  http://principiadiscordia.org , where he can make all the proclamations he likes...to himself.

7.  Nobody will mod you for threadjacking...but good luck starting any threads of your own, Slappy.

8.  Spamming the latest funny thing you found on more than two (2) threads can have adverse effects, including (but not limited to):  being the recipient of universal mockery, having NOBODY look at your shit (out of sheer spite), and/or being forced to read Great Teacher Largo's old rants until your eyes bleed.

9.  Feel free to experiment with the board and all its HTML-y goodness, but be advised that multi-colored text is very hard to read, and most people won't make the effort.

10.  Pr0n bombing will probably get you modded, as will anything that can ge the admin/mods in real, actual trouble (copyright violations, etc).  If this happens, your fate is up to the powers that be, and we don't want to hear any whimpering about it.  Try not to bleed on us, m'kay?

SPECIAL BONUS SUGGESTION #11:  We've been trolled by the best.  In fact, some of us ARE the best.  So don't give yourself carpal tunnel syndrome trying to impress us...and multiple monikers don't really help.  Everyone ALWAYS finds out who you are...and, again, it's been done a million times.  

Lastly, be yourself, be original, don't feel the need to "wow" us on your first day, and have fun...

...SUCKER.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 09:16:51 pm by The Good Reverend Roger »
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

The Good Reverend Roger

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2005, 03:26:01 am »
Oh, yeah...almost forgot:  

DO NOT tell "the stiffy joke", unless there is an actual corpse (and the attendant bottle of booze) present.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

BADGE OF HONOR

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2005, 03:38:52 am »
And don't quote stack.  And no tiny text!  Most people (i.e. me) won't read that shit.
The Jerk On Bike rolled his eyes and tossed the waffle back over his shoulder--before it struck the ground, a stout, disconcertingly monkey-like dog sprang into the air and snatched it, and began to masticate it--literally--for the sound it made was like a homonculus squatting on the floor muttering "masticate masticate masticate".

fluffy

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Re: Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #3 on: September 07, 2005, 03:42:44 am »
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
2.  Likewise, referencing your pituitary gland, foot gland, or starting an Esperanto thread is very likely to result in your being fed to Fluffy.  And you don't want that, do you?



hmmm. fresh meat.

you might want to add that if you whip out your +5 sword of damocles
or talk like a character from some epic fantasy/sf/sci-fi channel/anime commercial product
expect to find yourself facedown in the gutter in the morning

The Good Reverend Roger

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Re: Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2005, 03:46:16 am »
Quote from: fluffy
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger
2.  Likewise, referencing your pituitary gland, foot gland, or starting an Esperanto thread is very likely to result in your being fed to Fluffy.  And you don't want that, do you?



hmmm. fresh meat.

you might want to add that if you whip out your +5 sword of damocles
or talk like a character from some epic fantasy/sf/sci-fi channel/anime commercial product
expect to find yourself facedown in the gutter in the morning


You're just doing that to bait Rabid Badger.

Uh, but yeah...keeping the RPG stuff in the RPG forum isn't required, but it makes you less likely to get mugged.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

The Good Reverend Roger

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« Reply #5 on: September 07, 2005, 03:57:57 am »
Also:  Is there ANYBODY who takes Crowley seriously?  

And remember:  the proper spelling is "mahdgjickque"  :lol:
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

fluffy

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #6 on: September 07, 2005, 04:07:11 am »

what i meant was
when somebody starts posting stuff
with all kind of inside references to some pop culture trash
i haven't seen/read/participated in
or did so long ago i forgotten
"i'm the quizziac harderack blah blah blah"
it really, really bores me

take it to some fan site

The Good Reverend Roger

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« Reply #7 on: September 07, 2005, 04:07:54 am »
Quote from: fluffy

what i meant was
when somebody starts posting stuff
with all kind of inside references to some pop culture trash
i haven't seen/read/participated in
or did so long ago i forgotten
"i'm the quizziac harderack blah blah blah"
it really, really bores me

take it to some fan site


Point.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Horab Fibslager

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« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2005, 04:22:43 am »
also if i amy suggest:

as a warm up and introduction from your own damn trip to the no one need agree because reality needs no consensus of the imainary pd.com boards, http://www.23ae.com . sure i was an internet renowned discordian thinker by the time i hooked up with the 23ae crowd(in thanks large;y to my glorious kayo sauce recipe, an dof course, my giant penis), but it was from those peopel that brought me here, so i am predisposed to force my own chronology of experience down other people's throats. return the favour by stuffing a two-four and a few shots of monte alban down mine.
Hell is other people.

Eldora, Oracle of Alchemy

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Re: Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2005, 04:48:11 am »
Quote from: fluffy

hmmm. fresh meat.

you might want to add that if you whip out your +5 sword of damocles
or talk like a character from some epic fantasy/sf/sci-fi channel/anime commercial product
expect to find yourself facedown in the gutter in the morning

If they are whipping out that sword, aren't they either pretty stupid or pretty fucked anyway :lol:  :twisted:

Shibboleet The Annihilator

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #10 on: September 07, 2005, 05:01:04 am »
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger

And remember:  the proper spelling is "mahdgjickque"  :lol:


I think you're missing the 2nd g.

Also, don't complain to The Mgt or the mods, because they don't really care.
Except for Mal, but she'll kill you just to watch you die if you fuck with her. Seriously.

The Good Reverend Roger

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Attention, N00bs: You might want to read this.
« Reply #11 on: September 07, 2005, 05:02:42 am »
Quote from:  
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger

And remember:  the proper spelling is "mahdgjickque"  :lol:


I think you're missing the 2nd g.

Also, don't complain to The Mgt or the mods, because they don't really care.
Except for Mal, but she'll kill you just to watch you die if you fuck with her. Seriously.


No shit.  Remember the last guy that asked Malaul for help?

We were picking bits of him out of the ventilation ducts for WEEKS.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

agent compassion

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« Reply #12 on: September 07, 2005, 05:10:05 am »
Isn't there a silent pickle in "mahdgjkicquehe?"



 8)

Oh, and Rog? I'm not the only one with superpowers. I mean, Verthaine just owned a hurricane.  :twisted: ::bows respectfully in V's direction::

'I'll take you out for a meal with Mr. and Mrs. Pain, order up some violent quiche. Do you want some?' - ++++++ Moon


The Good Reverend Roger

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« Reply #13 on: September 07, 2005, 05:10:44 am »
Quote from: agent compassion
Isn't there a silent pickle in "mahdgjkicquehe?"



 8)

Oh, and Rog? I'm not the only one with superpowers. I mean, Verthaine just owned a hurricane.  :twisted:


I TOLD you guys that it would take more than a little wind to kill Verthaine.
"What can we do to help you stop screaming?"

Chaplin_Sinatra_Fonzarell

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« Reply #14 on: September 07, 2005, 06:02:15 am »
A) The OP fucking rules
B) I like Crowley but detest all of his followers, kind of like Jesus
3) I second whoever said that http://23ae.com is the place to experiment with novice Discordianism. This is advanced Discordianism, because everyone on here is jaded from talking to other Discordians and realizing they're assholes.
Chaplin Sinatra Fonzarelli, G.G.L.F., C.L.F., L.F.L.F., R.M.S.T.A., R.P.C.V., N.C.c., T.R.R.R., W.I.T.C.H., W.P.P., V.P.D.F.Y.S., S.C.U.M., I.G.R.S.A.F.D.S.K.S.K.J.J.J.S.Y.Y.D.F.D.K.D.S.F.K .S.D.K.J.L.K.F.G.K.S.D.G.G.J.R.J.S.T.S and other various divisions of the Maude Senger cabal of the Pantheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, and President for Life of the Holy Empire of Ayatollah Discordiolla

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