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HAY ALTY, YOU SHOULD LEAVE ALASKA.

Started by Salty, November 09, 2014, 11:29:59 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"Backward-rationalization" is how I would characterize most of this thread.

And, if "being ignored" is a trigger,  that is, IMO, something that is an intrinsic trigger that can be worked on, not an extrinsic trigger that can be reasonably blamed on other people.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

I think that's a trigger for everyone.  I can't think of a worse social1 trigger than being very upset and having nobody give a shit.




1 Obviously, there are worse triggers, but they have more to do with actual awful things.
Molon Lube

LMNO

It takes on subtler shades when it's a forum.  IRL, you're speaking, you can see how someone reacts, even if they don't say anything.

I tend to be fairly quiet when a person I respect is upset.  I tend to listen, not speak.

I don't want to exacerbate the emotional level.  I neither want to goad, nor defend.  On a forum, this is incredibly hard to do in a post, since even a post of "I read the post" can be taken the wrong way; dismissively, for example.

No one posting a response is not the same as people ignoring a post.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 11, 2014, 02:38:02 PM
It takes on subtler shades when it's a forum.  IRL, you're speaking, you can see how someone reacts, even if they don't say anything.

I tend to be fairly quiet when a person I respect is upset.  I tend to listen, not speak.

I don't want to exacerbate the emotional level.  I neither want to goad, nor defend.  On a forum, this is incredibly hard to do in a post, since even a post of "I read the post" can be taken the wrong way; dismissively, for example.

No one posting a response is not the same as people ignoring a post.

Tell me that when I'm ragin'.   :lol:

Molon Lube

LMNO

Yet another reason I don't post in those threads very often.

Doktor Howl

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on November 11, 2014, 02:56:19 PM
Yet another reason I don't post in those threads very often.

I didn't actually say there was a viable solution.  I don't really expect anyone to cater to me.  I'm just saying that the longer I stew, the more angry I get.

This isn't strictly an internet problem for me.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on November 11, 2014, 01:04:39 PM
I think that's a trigger for everyone.  I can't think of a worse social1 trigger than being very upset and having nobody give a shit.




1 Obviously, there are worse triggers, but they have more to do with actual awful things.

Sure, but if someone just sort of disappears for a while or is generally quiet, it's pretty important to be able to go "This isn't about me". Alty has barely spoken to ANYONE in the last year or so. He's wrapped up in his own misery, in his head. It's not about you. It's not about me.

When someone takes other people's unhappiness and attributes it to a personal conflict with themselves, it not only alienates others but it leads to unpleasant social scenes that reflect poorly on one's maturity and self-control.


"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I am getting the impression that Suu is going to just keep rationalizing why what she said was excusable, and I doubt any kind of apology to Alty for it, public or private, will be forthcoming.

This is, after all, the person who, in some sort of embarrassingly misguided effort to slut-shame the wife of the philanderer she was fucking, wrote an absolutely ghastly terrible book in which the protagonist was a self-absorbed princess with an awful personality, who seduced a married man with children and tried to coerce him into abandoning them. And for some reason thought that reflected positively on herself.

So, that's one person I am not interested in being friendly with. I see no moral fiber there whatsoever and I have no time for people with no moral fiber.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Suu

What I said to Alty was wrong. I let the rage get a hold of me, in my time of stress, and it resulted in exactly was I deserved. I have since apologized to him. Here is the proof:




As you can see, I stated in that that I wish you the best. Here is why:

In the other thread, you insisted on attacking the book I wrote, for no other reason than that you were mad at me. As we have dually discovered, anger makes people say and do shitty things. But I am not asking you for an apology. My art is not for everyone. I'm not the Great American Novelist, I made no attempt to be. What I did was an expression of my emotions at the time and it was a way out of a rough situation. That relationship is long over, the story is not, and I'm continuing it. You insist on psychoanalyzing me based on my prose, assuming that it was a way to self-aggrandize. Actually, writing that made me feel pretty shitty about myself and the whole situation I got myself into being a stupid hopeless romantic. It didn't just act as an outlet for my anger, but it also was a wake-up call.

Much like I'm sure the art installations you've made for your exes did for you. I remember the skeleton for your ex-husband, and the pictures of you crying for Mr. Language, both of which I thought were awesome. No, really, I'm not saying that as a way to patch up, they were awesome. Why? Because you found a creative outlet for your anger and emotions, that's why. Okay, I admit to laughing over the crying pictures, but I laughed because that's what was triggered. I wasn't laughing at your pain, I know that pain. That same pain is what made me write the book, as stupid as my choices were to get there. I cried like that. Crying makes us look like idiots. It makes us look weak and unwilling. Hiding behind a piece of art makes us look productive. That is what being an artist is about. If it wasn't for our power to create, bad things can happen. Bad things like saying really terrible things to a person half a world away because I'm having a shitty night and he threw me off the deep end.

None of this matters, though, right? I said something unforgivable, and I'm not asking for that. I haven't forgiven several people in my life, mostly because they fucking deserve my cold shoulder and I'm not of the mind to forgive all. I am not some savior, I'm a raging bitch, and I reserve that right.

I won't be posting on this board any longer. There's no reason. It's distracting me from the goals I have in life, such as getting this master's degree, and being a solid rock in my husband's life while we deal with the curve balls the Navy is already throwing at us. I guess that means it's time for me to grow up.  As far as I'm concerned, the Mods can delete my account as soon as I post this.

Good luck on getting your doctorate.
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Well, I'm glad you actually apologized to Alty, hopefully he will eventually come back and read it. It's nice that you wish me well, I don't wish for anything but good things for you.

You didn't say anything "unforgivable", as I pointed out a number of times, just close to it.

Art often makes us look ridiculous. That's half the point, isn't it? To highlight the absurdity of the situation we put ourselves in? I'm glad to hear you don't take that book you wrote totally seriously.

Have a good life.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."