Looking Down Your Nose While Doing a Headstand

[Eater of Clowns]

A lean young man in corduroys and Pumas waits outside a Starbucks sporting as much awful haircut as his overpriced salon can provide.  Walking in, a former classmate recognizes him and asks him what he's doing standing outside.  "Pft, I don't drink Starbucks," he replies with a sneer that could infuriate sloths.

Across the parking lot in his beat up old F-150, a grizzled middle aged man sits, idling while his wife runs inside.  She asked him if he wanted anything and he said, "Pft, you know I don't drink that pussy crap."

You've talked to both of these motherfuckers before, and yeah, depending who you are, you are guaranteed to like one over the other.  It doesn't change the fact that both of them did exactly the same thing, for different reasons and with different words, but exactly the same thing.  Something is offered them, a beer, a coffee, a burger, and they refuse.  But they don't just refuse, they refuse in a way to imply they see themselves as better than whatever the subject is.

Be it "sorry, my tastes are too sensitive to allow anything less than seasonal microbrews past these lips," or "you're not a real man unless you drink Jack Daniels," they're letting you know, in no uncertain terms that types of people enjoy that thing and they are not one of those types of people.  Yet somehow, it's always the former that sets eyebrows raising.  Yeah it's easy to hate on pretentiousness when it's about class and high brow bullshit, but that doesn't make it any less pretentious to claim you're more grizzled for drinking crap booze.  It's the same trap.

Sorry, motherfucker, but you aren't any more real for drinking Budweiser than some jerkoff is refined for drinking Sam Adams.  If you're going to pass it up, do it for your own tastes and don't try to pull some reason why you're oh so much better than that.

[Adios]

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

Oh...um...I just don't like it.

Nice rant.

[Phox]

A lean young man in corduroys and Pumas waits outside a Starbucks sporting as much awful haircut as his overpriced salon can provide.  Walking in, a former classmate recognizes him and asks him what he's doing standing outside.  "Pft, I don't drink Starbucks," he replies with a sneer that could infuriate sloths.

Across the parking lot in his beat up old F-150, a grizzled middle aged man sits, idling while his wife runs inside.  She asked him if he wanted anything and he said, "Pft, you know I don't drink that pussy crap."

You've talked to both of these motherfuckers before, and yeah, depending who you are, you are guaranteed to like one over the other.  It doesn't change the fact that both of them did exactly the same thing, for different reasons and with different words, but exactly the same thing.  Something is offered them, a beer, a coffee, a burger, and they refuse.  But they don't just refuse, they refuse in a way to imply they see themselves as better than whatever the subject is.

Be it "sorry, my tastes are too sensitive to allow anything less than seasonal microbrews past these lips," or "you're not a real man unless you drink Jack Daniels," they're letting you know, in no uncertain terms that types of people enjoy that thing and they are not one of those types of people.  Yet somehow, it's always the former that sets eyebrows raising.  Yeah it's easy to hate on pretentiousness when it's about class and high brow bullshit, but that doesn't make it any less pretentious to claim you're more grizzled for drinking crap booze.  It's the same trap.

Sorry, motherfucker, but you aren't any more real for drinking Budweiser than some jerkoff is refined for drinking Sam Adams.  If you're going to pass it up, do it for your own tastes and don't try to pull some reason why you're oh so much better than that.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Well said.

Though sometimes it's hard to tell satirical bluster from sincerity with these sorts of things.

[Eater of Clowns]

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

Oh...um...I just don't like it.

Nice rant.

Not liking it - the only fucking reason to not partake in it.

I come across as pretentious with things like food, not having eaten fast food in three or four years, but that's perception.  I don't like it for quite a few reasons, and I will not and have not complained when friends decide to go there.  If they ask, I just tell them I don't eat it and if they ask why and decide I'm pretentious for it, well fuck them.  I do it for my reasons, and it's got nothing with me being "too good" or something.  Plus, they get to laugh at me when I walk in with a cranberry scone piled high with deli ham as they eat their cheeseburgers.

[Adios]

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

Oh...um...I just don't like it.

Nice rant.

Not liking it - the only fucking reason to not partake in it.

I come across as pretentious with things like food, not having eaten fast food in three or four years, but that's perception.  I don't like it for quite a few reasons, and I will not and have not complained when friends decide to go there.  If they ask, I just tell them I don't eat it and if they ask why and decide I'm pretentious for it, well fuck them.  I do it for my reasons, and it's got nothing with me being "too good" or something.  Plus, they get to laugh at me when I walk in with a cranberry scone piled high with deli ham as they eat their cheeseburgers.

Well, I won't eat at McDonalds, but will kill for Sonic. I have tried gourmet coffee and it ain't my style. I tried something once and couldn't find anything to actually drink once, the cup was full of other shit. I just wanted coffee.
So, yeah, feeling your pain here.

[Salty]

I once came across the idea, on boingboing I believe, that being a connesiour is merely a means of justifying one's addiction.

"Oh I'm not a pothead, I enjoy quality hydroponics."
"I'm not a drunk, I just like a good martini or five."
"Don't worry I'll get over this irritable, senseless rage just as soon as I get some Arabica in me."

I'm not sure I agree with that 100% but it sure is useful in poking fun at people like that. Plus, an unpleasant drunk that chugs monarch vodka is just as unpleasant as one who drinks single malt scotch.

Nice rant.

[Eater of Clowns]

I once came across the idea, on boingboing I believe, that being a connesiour is merely a means of justifying one's addiction.

"Oh I'm not a pothead, I enjoy quality hydroponics."
"I'm not a drunk, I just like a good martini or five."
"Don't worry I'll get over this irritable, senseless rage just as soon as I get some Arabica in me."
I'm not sure I agree with that 100% but it sure is useful in poking fun at people like that. Plus, an unpleasant drunk that chugs monarch vodka is just as unpleasant as one who drinks single malt scotch.

Nice rant.

I disagree with this.  Irritable rage from caffeine withdrawal is not only sensible, but really the only course of action in such a circumstance.

Otherwise, yeah, you're still an addict if you're swilling top shelf.

[Jasper]

I'll admit it - I have expensive taste.  Being an only child means my fate as a spoiled snob is sealed.  I try to eschew common language.  I'd rather have one good beer than six cheap ones*.  I overdress fanatically, and I don't even own sweatpants.  On occasion, I'm even pretentious about it.  I have nothing against an amount of polite pretension.  What I can't abide is rudeness.

ETA:  Although six good ones is even better.

[Adios]

I'll admit it - I have expensive taste.  Being an only child means my fate as a spoiled snob is sealed.  I try to eschew common language.  I'd rather have one good beer than six cheap ones*.  I overdress fanatically, and I don't even own sweatpants.  On occasion, I'm even pretentious about it.  I have nothing against an amount of polite pretension.  What I can't abide is rudeness.

ETA:  Although six good ones is even better.

I drink Bud, cheap whiskey and Folgers. I wear jeans (Wrangler, my only fashion statement), cheap tennis shoes and t shirts.

[Jasper]

I'll admit it - I have expensive taste.  Being an only child means my fate as a spoiled snob is sealed.  I try to eschew common language.  I'd rather have one good beer than six cheap ones*.  I overdress fanatically, and I don't even own sweatpants.  On occasion, I'm even pretentious about it.  I have nothing against an amount of polite pretension.  What I can't abide is rudeness.

ETA:  Although six good ones is even better.

I drink Bud, cheap whiskey and Folgers. I wear jeans (Wrangler, my only fashion statement), cheap tennis shoes and t shirts.

But you're a polite fellow.  That's all the class anyone needs. 

[Adios]

I'll admit it - I have expensive taste.  Being an only child means my fate as a spoiled snob is sealed.  I try to eschew common language.  I'd rather have one good beer than six cheap ones*.  I overdress fanatically, and I don't even own sweatpants.  On occasion, I'm even pretentious about it.  I have nothing against an amount of polite pretension.  What I can't abide is rudeness.

ETA:  Although six good ones is even better.

I drink Bud, cheap whiskey and Folgers. I wear jeans (Wrangler, my only fashion statement), cheap tennis shoes and t shirts.

But you're a polite fellow.  That's all the class anyone needs. 

EoC! This fanatical prick called me POLITE!

[Jasper]

Sorry!  Oh dear, er I um.  I beg your pardon sir. 

I mean- Ah yes!  You scalawag!  You rotter!

Indeed! 

[The Good Reverend Roger]

A lean young man in corduroys and Pumas waits outside a Starbucks sporting as much awful haircut as his overpriced salon can provide.  Walking in, a former classmate recognizes him and asks him what he's doing standing outside.  "Pft, I don't drink Starbucks," he replies with a sneer that could infuriate sloths.

Across the parking lot in his beat up old F-150, a grizzled middle aged man sits, idling while his wife runs inside.  She asked him if he wanted anything and he said, "Pft, you know I don't drink that pussy crap."

You've talked to both of these motherfuckers before, and yeah, depending who you are, you are guaranteed to like one over the other.  It doesn't change the fact that both of them did exactly the same thing, for different reasons and with different words, but exactly the same thing.  Something is offered them, a beer, a coffee, a burger, and they refuse.  But they don't just refuse, they refuse in a way to imply they see themselves as better than whatever the subject is.

Be it "sorry, my tastes are too sensitive to allow anything less than seasonal microbrews past these lips," or "you're not a real man unless you drink Jack Daniels," they're letting you know, in no uncertain terms that types of people enjoy that thing and they are not one of those types of people.  Yet somehow, it's always the former that sets eyebrows raising.  Yeah it's easy to hate on pretentiousness when it's about class and high brow bullshit, but that doesn't make it any less pretentious to claim you're more grizzled for drinking crap booze.  It's the same trap.

Sorry, motherfucker, but you aren't any more real for drinking Budweiser than some jerkoff is refined for drinking Sam Adams.  If you're going to pass it up, do it for your own tastes and don't try to pull some reason why you're oh so much better than that.

This.  The concept is similar - to a degree - from Nigel's rants about hipster-hating. 

I gotta say, though, that cheap bourbon is far superior - to me - than the expensive shit, because if it doesn't feel like a wad of burning fish hooks going down my throat, it doesn't do the job.  That, however, is a matter of personal taste.

Back on point, though, 9.5/10 on the rant, 10/10 on the concept.

[Eater of Clowns]

This.  The concept is similar - to a degree - from Nigel's rants about hipster-hating. 

I gotta say, though, that cheap bourbon is far superior - to me - than the expensive shit, because if it doesn't feel like a wad of burning fish hooks going down my throat, it doesn't do the job.  That, however, is a matter of personal taste.

Back on point, though, 9.5/10 on the rant, 10/10 on the concept.

I was thinking that as I was writing it.  It does have ties with a few of our previous hipster conversations and the meta-contrarianism thing in general.  Thanks Roger, I'd been sitting on this one for a while.  I'm a bourbon fan myself, neat, because that burning is essential to the experience (admittedly, though, I try to avoid the cheap stuff).

Sig's got a good point on it having something to do with upbringing.  Pricey booze, clothes, and food are all linked with class to some extent, and identifying with them seems pretty natural, almost a matter of pride.  That's perfectly fine because it's a statement of your preference in the positive sense.  "I do this because I like to," as opposed to "I do this because everything else is fucking stupid."

I just dream of a world where we can hate on people not for the brackish, foul stuff in their glass but for the brackish, foul stuff in their souls.