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The Winter Resort Survival Guide (Shangri pt 3)

Started by Da6s, October 05, 2012, 11:39:00 AM

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Da6s

So much fucking snow.

I realize I've neglected this for a few weeks now, but life's been busy. Finals, craziness at work, & too much fucking snow.

It also got down to fucking -11 last week because everyone who lives here is fucking stupid and the earth is an asshole. Luckily I layered out and survived with only minimal testicular recession.

Christmas hell starts full fucking blast Thursday. Part of me wants the bullshit mayan prophecy to actually happen to save me from my hell. But of course it won't. Or maybe it does and I don't even notice and the hell I'm banished to is resort christmas week that never ends for all of time. I shuddered at that thought.

True ranty post to come sometime soon when I actually have a bit of downtime to post. Topics to bitch about include snow and how much of a fucking pain in the ass it is at times, how fucking miserable -11 degrees cold is, why i've given up on ever getting my car nicely cleaned because it's a fucking filthy mess, why bro-brahs and major events are the worst conglomerate of douchebag mountain gathering i've ever seen (fuck you dew tour), and others.

I'll post when there's time. Yep.

Oh, and if one more fucking tourist asks me where they can buy legal weed I will fucking mislead them into illegally entering a dispensary.

-Or Kill Me

Just fucking do it before god damned christmas. Bah fuck hum fuck bug.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

P3nT4gR4m


I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
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Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
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walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Da6s

#17
Just realized I've been posting survival guide tips on reddit for  years and never put them in my goddamned Winter Resort Survival Guide.

Herein you may find redundant information, you may find shit that i've bitched about in more length, but whatever. Fuck it. You may just learn something.

How cold is CO in January? :


It's fucking miserable cold. Past 3 new years days it's been in the negatives with wind chill. We're talking head ache inducing freezing cold wind seeping through the tiny space between your helmet and goggles. Think of the worst brain freeze you've ever had and increase its duration to the entire time you ride until 20 mins after you finish. Then make the pain spread from the front of your head to your temples. I'm fairly certain I got minor frostbite on the tip of my nose my first January out here - be careful. Last week of jan/first week of feb are the coldest weeks of the year up here, with temps typically dipping to -20. The best time of the year to be here is the 2 weeks after valentine's day before March. Come then.

If you're looking for bowls, typically mostly open in Jan, but most definitely open in mid feb. Powder days in Jan are rare but they do happen - it's typically just too cold for it to snow. If it does snow, the day after will be miserable cold and windy. The best powder of the year comes in February. Had one of the best days ever last year the week after valentine's off 6 chair. Cant adequately describe the awesome.

January lodging rates in summit are still set for peak season pricing, better deals in late jan/all of feb. DO NOT COME ON MLK OR PRESIDENTS WEEKENDS. Just trust me.



Why do Coloradans always make fun of Texans?:


Texans choice ski destinations are Colorado ski resorts, mostly because they can make it to the front range within a day of driving. There's a very negative term for ski tourists - gapers. This is because they gape at the mountains when they should be focused on driving. Texans come up here, are rude, expect to be waited on hand and foot, are notorious for not tipping (or tipping less than 10%). They drive their massive SUV's up here and have no idea how to drive on our wintry snow roads, often causing traffic issues or double parking. They're rude to staff, often cursing the very people who are trying to fix their issues. The lesser breeds ski in jeans, which is cause for joking in and of itself.


How are the roads in CO winter?


Ok, so high country CO is notorious for gusty wind bursts. These can cause your car to change course on a clear sunny day. When the roads are snow covered they can induce a skid very easily. To avoid this use VERY minor adjustments with your steering wheel, small back & forth turns to keep your car steady. Above all else, get good all weather tires. I live in Breck & have a fwd Accord with tires that are 3 months old. I had to make the drive from Denver up to Summit County in the middle of Monday night's storm. I was fine, but I did only hit 45ish for a top speed. Downshift for downgrades & speed up for uphill sections. Whatever you do, do NOT swerve to avoid anything, as this is a guaranteed way to make you fishtail.


What's the best way to get a ski resort job?


Find out when the local mountains are doing their job fairs. Base your move time table around them. Twitter.com/coolworks is a GREAT resource for these right now. Know that all hiring stops the week before Christmas, and January is the worst time to move out here to look for a job.

Job fair is pretty much guaranteed ski resort employment. As long as you have a good attitude you'll be fine. You may want a small reserve for rent + deposit before you move though. There's also the chance you'll be miserable until you're stable - cost of living is stupid expensive here, and doing anything fun would sink you quickly. Also, if you're moving out for sure, I'd recommend buying your pass NOW. In 2 weeks they will all go up again. By Christmas they'll all be over a grand.

I can't/won't offer to help get you on your feet around Breck, nor should you expect anyone to. I can't help you with a job unless you wanted one as a housekeeper for shit pay. Even then, I could only point you in the right direction and would offer no guarantees. Plus it probably would be seasonal only, and you'd be laid off in April. Regardless, you will need a safety fund before you move. Period. I can understand the rush, I was there. I didn't make it out here myself until I was almost 23. But I came prepared and I was able to survive the jobless interim. Plus, it seems 22 is the average age anyone moves to Summit, so if you are ahead of that curve you shouldn't freak about waiting.

Regardless of whatever else, you absolutely don't want to be one of the kids that can't cut it and have to bail out and move back home at the end of the season. Those kids are always embarrassed and no one here ever really remembers them.

My Advice? Get a job now serving, or working in a hotel somewhere (they're always hiring). Even banqueting would be great resume padding. Do that until September and save every dime you can. I moved out here with 1700 and I should've saved 2200. Move out in October, which is the best time to find roommates/leases that aren't crazy expensive. It'll also give you time to acclimate to the elevation & be comfortable with the area before all the roads turn white. Deciding in November to move for this season is way too late. Go to job fairs for the guaranteed job. Once you have said job open a PO box and STFU. Listen to everyone you talk to who's been here a while. You will learn all you need and more that way.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

Generic moving to Keystone advice:

My roommate does seasonal bartending at the snake (no one calls it the saloon). I live in a house up behind Dos, they have thursday night ladies night & karaoke. The Haywood is a great place to start on saturdays/sundays/mondays (sports bar & grill, closes around 10ish). The Goat's good too, but I honestly only go there during the season. Absolutely love Kickapoo (best bar in river run), but they're closed until November. The Callah (in the cove - a neighborhood of lots of houses that rent bedrooms for the season close to keystone) is a decent locals irish pub. Inkspot in River Run is a coffee shop with a full bar, good place to read, better than starbucks which is across from it. Check out all the breweries in Dillon, Frisco, & Breck.


To start your season off go hit loveland for one of your time killing days. It won't be covered on your pass, and it's open before Keystone. 20 minute drive on the other side of the tunnel/loveland pass. Take your board to a local tune shop (I recommend Mountain View Sports, beside Dos, but they give me free tunes so I'm biased) to get it waxed for high elevation dry snow.

Get familiar with the county definitely. Drive to breck, frisco, and silverdillon. Target in Silverthorne is worlds better than the shitastic walmart in frisco. City Market in Dillon has the cheapest gas in the county, sign up for a member card to get like 4 cents off every gallon. Never buy gas in Keystone. Grease Monkey in Frisco is where I get my oil changed, Big O next door for any tire needs (shitty CO roads have nails everywhere). Safeway in Frisco has cheaper groceries than City Market in Dillon/Breck. When the storms come definitely keep an eye on the weather forecasts. If you're going to be roaming the resort, VR posts the week forecast in every building's elevator. When they predict snow, it's coming. Buy groceries to last you, because the roads do get shitty and we tend to get multiple back to back storms lasting for weeks. The "groceries" places in keystone suck, are close to the expiration date, and are stupidly over priced. Invest in a good window scraper that has a snow brush attached. 102.7 KSMT and 106.1 lift 106 are the best radio stations in the county, but that's not saying much. Cops are horrible about ticketing in Breck, bad about ticketing around the lake, and sneaky about ticketing where loveland pass spills out into keystone.

Start reading Summit Daily News. It's the local free paper, kiosks everywhere, and it has tons of coupons for local dining. Pick up a map for the summitstage, it's the county free bus that will take you everywhere. Not sure when the swan mountain flier starts up again, but it's the direct bus from Keystone to Breck.

Be advised you're moving to sausage fest county. 3 to 1 male to female ratio. There's a local saying - "It's not your chick, it's just your turn." A female coworker told me the CDC figures for summit county are 1 in 3 females have the herps, so wrap it. a LOT of the dudes around here are the bro-brah type. keystone unfortunately gets mostly families of tourists, so don't expect easy choice pickings of drunken impressionable tourists. Breck exists for that purpose.

Make a point to head down to denver & bar crawl 16th. Denver has every concert imaginable, when winter is over check out every show at Red Rocks that you can. Frontier airlines out of denver has hella cheap flights to all sorts of places (did vegas round trip in august for $140).

If elevation acclimation is kicking your ass (it killed me), you need to be drinking 8 bottles of water a day. Drinking your first few days makes it worse (my second literal day in this county was oktoberfest in breck , had a hangover by 5 pm, was miserable for days). Walgreens sells the cheapest canned air, but harden the fuck up.

Everyone here smokes that heathen devil plant. Everyone. Be prepared to hate christmas, texans, spring break, lifestyles weekend, zumiez weekend, and tourist drivers. It gets fucking cold in jan/february (negative 20 is fucking miserable). People die at a basin all the time. Drunken dumbasses fall asleep in snow drifts and die frequently.

That's my newly moving survival guide that I wish someone would have given me when I came out here. Welcome to summit county. it's fucking awesome here.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

#19
Hot Damn I feel a winter rant coming on!



This, ladies and boner wielding sycophants, is a T BAR.

A T BAR is your god damned enemy.

The T BAR has no sympathy, guilt, or remorse. The T BAR exists only to fucking ruin your god damned day, because fuck you snowboarder. Here's a better image.



Notice the gentle pick design. This is intentional to serve as a reminder that when you brave this thing, all of your genitalia is going to be mined by the unstoppable lift line with the force of John Henry. You see, T Bar lifts don't stop. For anything. When you're agreeing to subject yourself to this agony, you're accepting all liability for your impending snapped ankle.

"But DA6S, these don't look that bad. Why, you could just hold it with your knees!" Fuck you. 1) I'm bowlegged as fuck. 2) T Bars were designed by skier assholes and resorts never gave a damn about the shitty design to care enough to update it.

Ok, fuck these 2 because sharing a god damned T BAR is just fucking stupid:



Seriously. Fucking stupid.

So when the T BAR spins around the lift line wheel thing that i'm not going to fucking look up what it's call because i'm not a liftie shmuck dammit, The line goes slack. You have about an 8 second window to get the bar snug amidst your netherregions before the slack gives and the bar jerks you to a start. If you haven't planted yourself firmly , the T BAR will ruin your fucking day and drag you up 40 feet before flinging you to the side to slide all the way back down to the line in misery and embarassment.

These guys are idiots. Pardon the lame ass gopro vid with shitty dubstep, but this shows you the exact horrors I'm referencing: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN9COeDCm9Q . They're going up, then the tbar picks up speed and claims their crotches. Fucking OW. I've been drug with my board in the air like that. IT SUCKS BAD.

Someone remind me this winter to post some t bar fuck up pics and I will. They happen all the time. They're great to watch from a distance, but like fuck do i subject myself to that embarassment. Even if it is the fastest way to the bowls...


We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Doktor Howl

Snow is the fucking devil.

Dok,
Staying in his pleasant desert city, never ever going back to that shit.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

So, people bundle up and go out in the snow so they can strap a piece of plywood to their feet and slide down a mountain.

And then have a stick rammed into their junk and get dragged back up the mountain.

Ohhhhhhkay...
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:23:43 AM
So, people bundle up and go out in the snow so they can strap a piece of plywood to their feet and slide down a mountain.

And then have a stick rammed into their junk and get dragged back up the mountain.

Ohhhhhhkay...

See above.  You could have stopped at "So, people bundle up and go out in the snow".

I spent my entire life - minus a few months here and there - freezing my ass off until I was 36.  Not doing it again.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 03, 2013, 05:18:09 AM
Snow is the fucking devil.

Dok,
Staying in his pleasant desert city, never ever going back to that shit.

"pleasant"  :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Doktor Howl

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:33:02 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 03, 2013, 05:18:09 AM
Snow is the fucking devil.

Dok,
Staying in his pleasant desert city, never ever going back to that shit.

"pleasant"  :lulz:

This should give you some idea about my feelings concerning cold & snow.
Molon Lube

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 03, 2013, 05:34:02 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:33:02 AM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 03, 2013, 05:18:09 AM
Snow is the fucking devil.

Dok,
Staying in his pleasant desert city, never ever going back to that shit.

"pleasant"  :lulz:

This should give you some idea about my feelings concerning cold & snow.

Yes.

To a significant degree.  :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Da6s

Quote from: Doktor Howl on August 03, 2013, 05:25:40 AM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:23:43 AM
So, people bundle up and go out in the snow so they can strap a piece of plywood to their feet and slide down a mountain.

And then have a stick rammed into their junk and get dragged back up the mountain.

Ohhhhhhkay...

See above.  You could have stopped at "So, people bundle up and go out in the snow".

I spent my entire life - minus a few months here and there - freezing my ass off until I was 36.  Not doing it again.

After 3 winters of -20 fuck all, I can understand this sentiment.

I've got one more left in me though. Then civilization again. Then at 30 we'll see where I land next. Seattle's been sounding appealing as of late.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human

Da6s

Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on August 03, 2013, 05:23:43 AM
So, people bundle up and go out in the snow so they can strap a piece of plywood to their feet and slide down a mountain.

And then have a stick rammed into their junk and get dragged back up the mountain.

Ohhhhhhkay...

My plywood is extremely sexy. and when freshly waxed she's incredibly smooth. And yeah, those aren't the standard (Breck only has the one), but they exist and are awful. And I avoid them at all cost.
We appear to be doomed by our DNA to repeat the same destructive behaviors our forebears have repeated for millenia. If anything our problem solving skills have actually diminished with the advent of technology & our ubiquitous modern conveniences. & yet despite our predisposition towards fear-driven hostility; towards what we anachronistically term primitive behavior another instinct is just as firmly encoded in our make-up. We are capable as our ancestors were of incredible breathtaking acts of kindness. Every hour of every day a man risks his life at a moments notice to save another. Forget for a moment the belligerent benevolent billionaires who grant the unfortunate a crumb of costfree cake. I speak of pure acts of selflessness. A Mother who rushes into the street to save a child from a speeding vehicle. A person who runs into a burning building to reach a family trapped on the upper story. Such actions,such moments,such unconscious selfless decisions,define what it is to be human