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I said something so clever, I'm quoting myself on the Internet!

Started by Mesozoic Mister Nigel, June 26, 2014, 04:32:34 PM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

It seemed to me that we could really use a thread like this. I'll go first:

Me: My housemate says his pants fell down at the gas station while he was holding a bottle of beer and a bottle of wine.
BF: Oh I like him already.
Me: Now he's in the kitchen with his guitar singing a song about sausages.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


The Good Reverend Roger

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

The Good Reverend Roger

Jim:  "We're gonna have PDEQ up our arses if we don't figure out what to do about that leaking condensate tank."

Me:  "This is <company name>.  The truth is, if you hang around long enough, all of the regulatory agencies turn up on your doorstep, eager to be the first to take us down, and all sticky from touching themselves."

Jim:  "..."

" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Q. G. Pennyworth

Small Child: But the zoo would be closed.
QGP: If I'm feeding you to an alligator, I'm already breaking into the zoo. That's assumed in the premise.
Useless Aunt: I walked into the wrong part of this conversation.

Salty

Small child to Norwegian coworker:
Why are you so white?

Me:
Because God hates his people and doesn't allow them to see the sun.
The world is a car and you're the crash test dummy.

Ben Shapiro

Brother: So you play Magic: The Gathering huh?
Me: No JACKASS! I have a thyroid problem!

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Nephew Twiddleton

Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Nephew Twiddleton

Climate change denier: Can you prove the sky is blue? Scientist haven't proved it is REAL! There is evidence the facts, evidence, and data was made up. Just ask AL Gore, the guy who got rich off all the lies!

Me: Scientists haven't proven that the sky is real?
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Suu

Mr. Suu: *totally joking and in a redneck accent as he flops on the couch* "Woman! Get me a beer!"

Me: *without looking up from work" red, IPA, pale bock, kolsch, your gruit, or the stout?

Mr. Suu: "Goddamnit, you weren't supposed to take me seriously!"
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Suu

Me: The Aeon Flux movie sucks, it's an excuse to make Charlize Theron as close to naked as possible. She's even wearing more clothes than she did in the cartoon!

Mr. Suu: What cartoon?

Me:....WHERE WERE YOU THE ENTIRE 1990S?
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Nephew Twiddleton

In regards to Al Gore making mad bank off of the AGW scam:

Denier:

Do you have any idea how things work, Kev?

1. Politicians try to justify this to raise taxes on companies/people/etc.. What was it that Ovaga just did last week? Something about taxes? On companies? Pay attention.

2. They are invested in "green companies".

3. Said "green companies" make things to "clean up" manufacturing processes, etc..

I can lay out about 100 more reasons, but hopefully you're smart enough to figure out what's going on right now. Can't you?

Me:
1) Oh, taxes. That's what it's about. I had no idea that taxes were so lucrative to former government employees.

2) Poor investment. It's better to invest in petroleum. I'd love to invest in the stuff. It would be wicked hypocritical, but, well, money.

3) Cleaning up manufacturing processes are actually good for capitalism. You know, if you have a long view on your bottom line. Class action lawsuits, fines, and the general health and productivity of your workers is of benefit to your pocket.

So, yeah, I do understand how things work, and I have been paying attention.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

LMNO

Quote from: The Suu on June 28, 2014, 02:57:01 AM
Me: The Aeon Flux movie sucks, it's an excuse to make Charlize Theron as close to naked as possible. She's even wearing more clothes than she did in the cartoon!

Mr. Suu: What cartoon?

Me:....WHERE WERE YOU THE ENTIRE 1990S?

You have to admit, getting Charlize Theron as close to naked as possible is not, in itself, such a bad thing.

Cain

I think this may be the most profound thing I ever wrote: