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Who's in, and when's good for you?

Seriously, wow.

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/gibxk/i_like_big_butts_and_i_cannot_lie_but_is_there/

Ahahahahahaha!!!! Read all the comments. Fucking priceless!

http://blogtown.portlandmercury.com/BlogtownPDX/archives/2010/06/08/name-this-band

The Oregonian's coverage of yesterday's Red & Black anarchist press conference includes this fantastic photo that can really be nothing but a publicity shot for Portland's newest hit indie-rockers.

WHERE THE FUCK DID CAIN GO

WHAT THE SHIT

FUCKING HELL.

The fuck did he go? PLEASE TELL ME HE ISN'T STARTING A CULT SOMEWHERE

I don't have time for that shit.

How about a poor mom being robbed of her education, her, dreams, and her ability to secure a better future for her kids by a FELONY CONVICTION for using her father's address to send her kids to a better school?

http://www.blackeconomicdevelopment.com/black-mother-jailed-for-sending-kids-to-white-school-district/

FUCK IT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LzOU6ETxI8

I'd like to petition that all the subs be merged, because apparently we're really just looking to post our "serious content" in whichever sub gets the most views, so more people can see us and high-five our cleverness. That way, there will only be one sub so it will get ALL the views.

Also we should start being super-nice to n00bs and rename the remaining sub "23ae".

Thanks for your consideration.

Where was that thread? I got a couple of good links from a doctor friend today... one who is alt-medicine friendly but doesn't put up with bullshit. In my experience, these kinds of things are good against fundies, hippies, New Agers, AND Teabaggers.

http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMp1010594

http://www.bmj.com/content/342/bmj.c5258.full?sid=2282efd5-2465-43ca-ae4b-e3ecf46aea38

I just looked on another board and saw this:

Anyone else see this post on facebook? I'm late with it and just saw it yesterday but the bizarre factor is rather big..

from fb
do you know the significance of 111 yesterday's date 1/11/11? Take your birth year (last 2 digits) + CURRENT AGE + 1 = 111. Try it!!!! It's true! (got it from a friend)

It's true..why is it true. anyone know?? What's even stranger is that my husband and I have numbers that mirror in this year 2011. His birth date is 1954 and he will be 57 this year, while my birth year is 1957 and I will be 54 this year..

Is that not BIZARRE..

I feel like I might cry.

I have a pet peeve. A conversation that I have heard far too many times over the years. It is based in the idea that if a language doesn't have a word for something, that the people don't have that concept.

OK, sometimes that's true. No automobiles? Never heard of 'em? Then there's not going to be a word for something nobody's ever thought of. We didn't have a word for "spaceship" until we came up with the idea of spaceships, and even then we just took two words, one for the vast mystery of what's "out there" and one for a vessel that floats on the water, and glommed them together.

So what's up with the mythologies of people so simple that they don't have a word for, say, rape? Or a name for the color orange? Or words for numbers more than three? Does that actually mean they don't have those CONCEPTS?

In most cases, no; that's not what that means. Sure, in the case of equatorial people, they probably couldn't describe snow, but for many such words, the concept exists and can be described. So, Western civilization didn't call the color orange "orange" until the 16th century; they called it yellow-red. Does that mean that they didn't see orange? That they didn't know what it was? Fuck no. That's stupid. They saw the color as clearly as we see yellow-green before we know it's called chartreuse. And then someone comes along and says "That color's called chartreuse" and we go "Oh, cool."

Societies without a word for "rape" may call it, in their language, "assault and forced sexual penetration". People who don't have a word for nine may call it "Three threes". Sort of like we didn't really have a word for thirteen... we just combined three and ten. Does that mean we couldn't count above twelve? Or that we still can't?

My point here is that people need to examine their assumptions about language and concepts, and stop assuming that just because there appears to not be a word for something, that is by no means an indication that the concept doesn't exist or cannot be described. How many times in your life have you been thinking about something, and when you try to describe, say, a set of behaviors or assumptions to another person, they say "OH yeah, that's called "________".

And then you go "Oh cool, there's a word for that!"

[Whoever, with intent to cause the overthrow or destruction of any such government, prints, publishes, edits, issues, circulates, sells, distributes, or publicly displays any written or printed matter advocating, advising, or teaching the duty, necessity, desirability, or propriety of overthrowing or destroying any government in the United States by force or violence]

http://uscode.house.gov/download/pls/18C115.txt

    Whoever knowingly or willfully advocates, abets, advises, or
   teaches the duty, necessity, desirability, or propriety of
   overthrowing or destroying the government of the United States or
   the government of any State, Territory, District or Possession
   thereof, or the government of any political subdivision therein, by
   force or violence, or by the assassination of any officer of any
   such government; or
     Whoever, with intent to cause the overthrow or destruction of any
   such government, prints, publishes, edits, issues, circulates,
   sells, distributes, or publicly displays any written or printed
   matter advocating, advising, or teaching the duty, necessity,
   desirability, or propriety of overthrowing or destroying any
   government in the United States by force or violence, or attempts
   to do so; or
     Whoever organizes or helps or attempts to organize any society,
   group, or assembly of persons who teach, advocate, or encourage the
   overthrow or destruction of any such government by force or
   violence; or becomes or is a member of, or affiliates with, any
   such society, group, or assembly of persons, knowing the purposes
   thereof -
     Shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than
   twenty years, or both, and shall be ineligible for employment by
   the United States or any department or agency thereof, for the five
   years next following his conviction.
     If two or more persons conspire to commit any offense named in
   this section, each shall be fined under this title or imprisoned
   not more than twenty years, or both, and shall be ineligible for
   employment by the United States or any department or agency
   thereof, for the five years next following his conviction.
     As used in this section, the terms "organizes" and "organize",
   with respect to any society, group, or assembly of persons, include
   the recruiting of new members, the forming of new units, and the
   regrouping or expansion of existing clubs, classes, and other units
   of such society, group, or assembly of persons.

I just had to explain to a bead lady why it's not OK to come onto a forum, see something someone else is making, and then make the same thing (in this case, a T-shirt - she copied not only the idea but also the design) and sell it on the forum.

What the hell. How does anyone reach adulthood without knowing that kind of shit will get you ostracized at best, and fucking sued at worst?

In America, anybody can sue anybody! For any reason, even made-up ones. It's very beautiful. Anyway, 30 lampworkers, including myself, are being sued, and the way it works is that either we defend ourselves or we lose. This system seems kind of like a racket for lawyers if you ask me. So, the problem is that we are running out of money. BUT! We have pretty shiny jewelry and beads for sale at very good prices in our fundraising store! Please help keep the crazy lady from taking my house.

http://www.etsy.com/shop/AGLF?ref=seller_info

For example:



There are also loose beads. Some of mine, even, and mine are about half the price I normally sell them for.

Anyway, I'm basically posting this everywhere in the hope that somehow enough stuff will sell that we can pay the lawyer for one more month. I think this lawsuit has cost us about $45,000 so far. Not kidding. The only reason we can even defend ourselves at all is because we formed a legal defense co-op.

I don't know what asshole left this bottle here, but it's called "Tisdale" and it's so vile I have had two sips and am throwing the rest out.

There is really no excuse for wine this shitty to even exist. Even Trader Joe's has a drinkable wine for three dollars, FFS.

I think this neatly explains a lot of my activity, and much of what goes on in the forum:

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html

Whether you are Portland, or just Portland in your heart:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid10791390001?bckey=AQ~~,AAAAAAAn_zM~,B6LaFUvNnt3TnsDN8EFdDI2fHDRn1FED&bctid=704689241001

Germans are fucking weird.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6nmHzPCTdw&feature=player_embedded

 I have a question for you cookery snob fuckers, especially ECH. You are vehemently against oiling any noodles, I know. But your reasoning - that the sauce will slide off the pasta - doesn't seem to work for me. Is that because I use fat, not oil? I keep a tub of animal fat, rendered every time I roast anything, that I use in place of almost all oils in cooking, including when I need to grease pasta for purposes of running a cafeteria for my children. It seems to make sauce stick more, not slide off.

Opinion on this? Does it make a difference that I use grease, not oil? Don't tell me not to do it, because I won't listen. Nobody is paying me to do this shit and my job is for it to be reasonably presentable, palatable, and versatile enough to work for three little assholes who don't all want the same thing on their noodles, plus one boyfriend who may or may not be late.

Just... fucking meat fruit.

http://www.eatmedaily.com/2009/03/meat-fruit-on-heston-blumenthals-medieval-feast-video/

Categories.

Everyone who thinks they know what a hipster is has some mental image or another, usually of a 1990's Poindexter type in Buddy Holly glasses and a cardigan; the hipster archetype which hasn't actually existed for 15 years, yet which still remains in place as the hipster gold standard.

Now, the word "hipster" has expanded, and almost everyone fits someone else's definition of "hipster". There's the lumberjack hipster, the glam hipster, the artist hipster, the retro hipster, the hip-hop hipster, the vintage hipster, the emo hipster, the longshoreman hipster, the academic hipster, the mod hipster, the white trash hipster. There's even hipster mom. Many of the people who are dismissed or reviled as hipsters actually fit into the much more versatile category of "young person", which covers most of the least-liked characteristics attributed to hipsters; they don't know who the fuck they are yet, so they're experimenting with various cultural trends and personas in an attempt to figure it out. Bless their dear little souls, they're fucking obnoxious.

Are they hipsters? Probably. In fact, almost certainly. About the only way to not be a hipster anymore is to be a redneck, which is a perfectly valid option as long as you really are a redneck and not a hipster adopting a redneck persona. Of course, if you neither know nor care what a hipster is, you're probably not a hipster. You also probably shop at Wal-Mart and hope your husband gets a promotion at the mill before Tammy and Billy need braces. If you are reading this and pretending to not know what a hipster is, you're lying to make yourself sound cooler on paper.

Everyone decries the label of hipster, claiming "authenticity", whatever that is. Every hipster thinks they're authentic. Just ask one. Ask yourself. But goddamn, we love our categories. Especially if we can shove people we don't like into some box right over there. Niggers. Terrorists. Hipsters. They aren't really people... they're other.

Did I mention categories? Cabbages? Grayfaces? Categories give us a way to feel better about our group, because we're not them. You might call it elitism. You might, because it is.

Basically, "hipster" is yet another monkey tribal division that separates people you like from everyone else. And like all other monkey tribal divisions, it's essentially meaningless.


Ook ook, motherfucker.

http://facesofjustintimberlake.com/

This is it. The end. No question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUHETDR4N7A&playnext=1&list=PLB4B47B71D3DE5F0A&index=1

Look, Antony wrote a song about you. http://www.swanlights.com/

This is amazing and wonderful and also happens to be one of the places we were stranded this summer: http://gizmodo.com/5704158/nasa-finds-new-life

I have attempted to tolerate it for several days, but I am epileptic and your avatar enrages me. Fuck you. Go die in a hole.

Thanks,

-Nigel.

had the idea to arm airline passengers with batons and booze, I am stealing your idea thank you.

SQUEEEEEE 

http://www.urlesque.com/2010/11/22/25-hilarious-lost-pet-flyers/

Back when I was a kid, which was a long time ago indeed, stuff that was cool was cool. It was cool to like stuff that was cool, and of course everybody thought the stuff they liked was cool. "Cool shirt, dude!" was not a condemnation, but an accolade. Nobody was embarrassed to admit that they were into something because they thought it was cool; a cool band, a cool car, a cool chick. Maybe, if you were a nerd, a cool computer or a cool calculator... computers and calculators were REALLY cool back then, because they were now, and damn if they weren't hot rats.

Back then, the opposite of cool was lame. You think Depeche Mode is cool; your best friend thinks they're lame. You think the Police are cool, and maybe Elvis Costello is cool, and Violent Femmes are definitely cool, but REO Speedwagon is fuckin' lame. Heshers and rockers are lame; punk and New Wave is cool. Of course, the heshers and rockers think New Wave is lame and will beat your ass every chance they get, which in your opinion makes them lamer.  Punks think everyone else is lame, and they beat up the heshers and rockers, but they leave New Wavers alone for some reason... probably because they know you think they're cool.

That band T-shirt is fucking cool, man, and that kid who got a T-shirt with a picture of himself on it is cool, and using a lunchbox as a purse is TOTALLY cool. It's cool to like these things because you think they're cool. You aren't sure if you're cool, but your friends are definitely cool. You would hang out with that one guy; yeah, he seems cool. Your best friend's little brother is pretty cool for a kid.

Somehow, though, cool isn't cool anymore. If you like something because you think it's cool, people will judge you and find you insincere, and probably therefore inauthentic. "You're only into them because you think they're cool" is an insult. People are afraid to look like they think something's cool, because they fear the labeling that comes along with it. You come across a Knight Rider T-shirt at Goodwill and at first your heart leaps... Knight Rider! That's so cool! But wait... if you buy it, people will think you're wearing it to be retro, because that's cool. Nope; must avoid the appearance of trying to be cool.

God fucking forbid anything or anyone be desired or admired because of being cool. EVERY FUCKING THING had better be "authentic", or YOU WILL BE JUDGED, AND FOUND WANTING.

I can get behind this: http://women.hawtness.com/2010/11/16/wtf-girl-videos-ladies-i-totally-have-a-mustache/

It's that time again.

I swear that after this post I'm going to go into my studio.

This time, he has an interview in Salon, and he talks about me a little bit.

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2010/11/10/presidential_ham_slide_show

Since "Damn autocorrect" is one of my most often-typed phrases on my iPhone, I can't stop laughing at this: http://damnyouautocorrect.com

LOVE



http://bijijoo.com/2010/pee-wee-herman-with-pineapple-glazed-ham

This is pretty awesome. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1326187/Las-Vegas-tunnel-people-How-1-000-people-live-shimmering-strip.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCpNk92uswY&feature=player_embedded#!

I can't find the post that started that meme! Has it been archived? It's such a classic, and I wanted to show it to Mr. Language.

THIS

is now your theme song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jioVHnLjpSw

If you're not gonna wear that scarf I made you, you should give it back to me. Because it has like $100 worth of yarn in it and I don't want it to go to waste and get all moth-eaten.

I saw this and thought of you: http://mykidisanasshole.wordpress.com/

So I've begun to think about what I'm going to do in ten years or so, when the kids go off to college. There's really no reason I should keep this vast monstrosity of a house, and I'd like a bigger yard, so the logical thing is to sell this and buy a small house on a big lot. In my obsessive style, I've been looking at houses for sale, and found this: http://www.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=+%096149+NE+FAILING+ST+Portland,+OR+97213&sll=45.548946,-122.656392&sspn=0.010098,0.023689&ie=UTF8&hq=&hnear=6149+NE+Failing+St,+Portland,+Multnomah,+Oregon+97213&t=h&z=16

I want it SO FUCKING BAD. It's a third of an acre flag lot in the middle of a large city block, accessible via a long driveway. It has NO STREETFRONT. It's like a little hidden wonderland!

Here's the property outline: http://portlandmaps.com/detail.cfm?action=summary&propertyid=R161652&address_id=591300&x=7664231.811&y=694193.214&state_id=1N2E19DD%20%20600&site_name=6149%20NE%20FAILING%20ST&city=PORTLAND&ResultCount=1

Duuuuuuude!!!!

Also it's only $100k, but the house is listed as a "major fixer, not livable".

Finally, the nutjobs will have to stop blaming cell phone towers!

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/science/07bees.html?_r=1&hp

Has no one posted this here yet? I can't believe it!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/39495001/ns/world_news-americas/?GT1=43001

I love you, Brazil.

SAO PAULO — Voters the world over complain about having clowns for politicians, but Brazilians embraced the idea on Sunday by sending a real one to Congress with more votes than any other candidate.

Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, better known by his clown name Tiririca, received more than 1.3 million votes in Sao Paulo state in Brazil's presidential and congressional elections. That was more than double the votes of the second-placed candidate in Brazil's most populous state.

Tiririca caught the attention of disillusioned voters by asking for their support with the humorous slogan: "It can't get any worse" and a promise to do nothing more in Congress than report back to them on how politicians spend their time.

"What does a congressman do? The truth is I don't know, but vote for me and I'll tell you," the 45-year-old said in his campaign advertisements.

The clown, whose stage name means "grumpy," usually appears in public wearing a blond wig, a red hat and a garish outfit. He survived a last-minute attempt by public prosecutors to bar him from running because of evidence that he is illiterate.

This is a breakup letter.

After almost twenty years of patiently, affectionately dealing with your bumbling, your baffling cluelessness, and your technological ineptitude, I have finally had it with your shit. Sending my mortgage twice? I could deal with it if you would fix it. One week and a dozen phone calls later, you have not, and you still don't seem to understand what you did wrong. Goodbye.

Hate hate hate! I seriously cannot believe these people. Why have I been so patient with them? They charge overdraft fees if you have held funds but aren't actually overdrawn (like when you get gas and the station holds $100 in advance, but only charges the actual purchase amount). They have made MANY errors. But this... this is unbelievable. It's the last straw. The worst part is that the woman "helping" me doesn't seem to care, misinformed me and never apologized, and won't follow up on anything or return calls. She has MANY times insinuated that the error was my fault, and not a glitch in their system; despite there being no way I could have created the error. A week and MANY phone calls later I asked to speak to her supervisor; she said he would call me between 3:30 and 4, but he never called me. I am so done with them! As soon as my account is no longer held hostage to their error I am pulling EVERYTHING and switching to another credit union. I already have an account open and ready.

I spent all day yesterday sorting my murrini, and now... somehow... I have  misplaced the whole bag of them. About a pound of murrini. Worse yet, I can't finish today's project until I find them. 

At around 5, EFO came in and said "Mom. The front steps are covered in cones and there's a guy sitting there, just laughing."

MORE TO COME

STOP USING A FUCKING SUBJUNCTIVE WHEN AN INDICATIVE IS CALLED FOR. OK, BITCHES???

JESUS MOTHERFUCKING DINGOES ON A POPCORN BUCKET, SAYING "WOULD BE" IN PLACE OF "IS" NOT ONLY DOESN'T MAKE YOU SOUND MORE EDUCATED, BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN FUCKING MAKE ANY SENSE.

IF YOU ARE RUNNING A BUSINESS AND THE ASSHOLE YOU PUT IN CHARGE OF YOUR WEBSITE PUTS SOME FUCKING RETARDED ASS BLITHERING ON THERE LIKE "THE BASIC ELEMENTS OF A BICYCLE WOULD BE A FRAME..." ETC. FUCKING FIRE THE MORON BEFORE HIS IDIOCY DESTROYS YOUR REPUTATION, YOUR BUSINESS, AND YOUR LIFE. BUT FIRST SET HIS FACE ON FIRE AND BEAT HIM WITH A COPPER PIPE, OK?

FUCK!

This one is with a particular conversation. It goes like this:

Childless person: "Hey, want to come to this marginal-sounding event tonight?"
Me: "Gee, thanks... but I'll be home with my children."
Childless person, smugly: "You see; that's why I didn't have kids, LOL"

What? The hell is that? No one has ever said to me "You see; that's why I don't have a sex life" when I've turned down an invitation because I had a date. It doesn't even make sense.

1. If I am genuinely bummed about missing the event (which 99% of the time I am not) that is a dick thing to say.

2. I am not bummed. The children are an all-purpose convenient excuse, and it's built right in to doing what I wanted to do anyway, which is stay home. If I'd wanted to go out, I would have made plans to go out. However, I don't want to go out. I want to hang out at home with my kids. I like my kids, and enjoy spending time with them. In fact, I went to significant lengths to acquire them in the first place, and I want to get to see them a little before they move out.

So when someone asks me if I want to go do something later on a day when I have kids, I have several factors I need to weigh. They go like this:

Will this get me laid? (Y/N)
Will this cost me money? (Y/N)
Will this make me money? (Y/N)
Is there free food? (Y/N)
Is this person a close friend I rarely get to see? (Y/N)
Do I have a social obligation which I can discharge by going? (Y/N)
Will this be more fun than hanging out with my kids? (Y/N)

If it weighs in heavily enough to my benefit, then I'll go. But most likely I won't, because I don't really want to.

There are a few people in my life who will be butthurt if I post this where they can see it, because they will (I know, it's weird) take it personally and interpret it as my saying that I like my kids better than I like them, and actually would rather spend time with my kids than with them. Which is true of almost everyone, but I never just outright say so because that would be rude. A lot of people assume that kids are just something that happens by default, kind of by accident, and that's true sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. Not all of the time. Among our peer group of highly educated hipsters it's probably not even true very much of the time.

There are advantages to not having kids, advantages to not having friends, not having a boyfriend, not having a house, not having a career, not volunteering, not having anyone relying on you, not having responsibilities. Sure. These things are not for everyone, and many people make different decisions about their lives based on what's important to them. I would never tell anyone that they would be better off without something that is very important to them just because it gets in the way of my entertainment for an evening. It is like someone telling you that you should just drop that education thing because, man, it really gets in the way of their good time. There are advantages to not having to show up at class.