Help me design my russekort!

[Lenin McCarthy]

First, a few definitions, from the Wikipedia article on this Norwegian tradition/ritual of mass conformism

The russefeiring ('russ celebration') is a traditional celebration for Norwegian high school students in their final spring semester. Students that take part in the celebrations are known as russ. The russefeiring traditionally starts on 1 May and ends on the 17th of May, the Norwegian national day. Participants wear coloured overalls, drive matching cars, vans, or buses, and celebrate almost continually during this period. Promiscuous sex, drunkenness and public disturbance on a mass scale has been the most prominent impact of the celebration in recent decades.

Cards (Russekort)
Most russ have personalized calling cards featuring their name, their photograph and a short slogan. These cards are swapped with other russ and handed out to children and family members. To many children, collecting russ cards is an important activity during May, culminating on May 17.

This is a common russekort template.

So, PD. What I want from you is:
1 small image.
a fake address
a fake phone number
a short text (less than 150 characters)

GO.
This is YOUR opportunity to have your work seen by dozens of kids in the Eastern North Belgian countryside!
(I might translate it into Belgian to make it easier to understand.)

[EK WAFFLR]

[Lenin McCarthy]

Wonderful.  

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Mmmm.... Taste that testicular cancer just forming now.