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Budweiser & Clamato: A Review

Started by Eater of Clowns, May 31, 2011, 01:07:54 AM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Cuddleshift on May 31, 2011, 07:38:57 AM
Quote from: Your Mom on May 31, 2011, 07:32:44 AM
That was a beautiful post.

Also, one incarnation of this delicacy is known in Pennsylvania as "red beer". Another, near the US/Mexico border is served with ample hot sauce, lime, and salt, and is known as "Chelada".

In the desert, it grows on you.

Y'know, I was thinking that it would have been more pallateable with hot sauce.

It IS!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Nephew Twiddleton

I have no regrets not trying it. Best immediate reaction upon tasting was Cram's: "Wow, this can is big!"
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

AFK

I didn't bother to read the review because the thread title was enough for me.

Ugh. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Luna

He did leave something out...

The taste of it was bad enough... but the TEXTURE...

I swear, the shit was SLIMY going down.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: R.W.H.N. on May 31, 2011, 01:48:14 PM
I didn't bother to read the review because the thread title was enough for me.

Ugh. 

But you missed out on the story of it.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Jenne

It always sounded GROSS to me, but then one day I tried one.  Am now hooked and have made many homemade variations of my own.

LMNO

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 31, 2011, 01:07:54 AM
It was following a lack of sleep and a long morning of bacon and driving that Blight and myself walked purposefully into a Connecticut liquor store.  Our pace was made by no ordinary determination to buy beer but actually a particular difficulty in moving through humidity so thick it tasted like ice cream flavored with the sins of the nearby casinos.  We did this shit for the gleeful demons who demanded malted beverage to slake a thirst primal, perverse, and acute.  There was no direction to the type of beer so much as there was a repetitive qualifier:  lots.

Blight and I made our way across an adequate selection discussing the intricacies of purchasing a drinkable choice without dropping enough cash to red flag ourselves as deeply pocketed criminals on every agency watch list in the state.  The cooler stacked up cases of vile waste and overpriced swill alike but for a small spot on the top shelf catching our eyes as we exited carrying our weight in cardboard, glass, and booze.  There were words that I could not comprehend, like a nightmare that feels real but defies description.  Budweiser was one.  A hated word.  And something else.

The grocery team was across the parking lot so we rendezvoused in the blank bland aisles with Richter, Leln, and Torte.  I stood there and I thought.  They tossed quantities of food in a cart never meant to be so burdened.  There was something wrong there that I could not shake.  Blight was gone as well, his mind left behind in that cooler.  We walked back.

Clamato.  That was it.  Budweiser and Clamato.  With salt and lime.  It was one of those comforting moments where we realize no, we are not mad, it is the world that is mad and this thought was mixed with the singular purpose of needing to buy this four pack of pure fucking absurdity.  Oh, and another 30 rack because fuck it.  The cashier saw us again and asked if we forgot something and I said "Yes, this."  He confusedly scanned the can to find that they only rang up one at a time.  Nobody ever bought an entire four pack of this.  They weren't even prepared for such an eventuality.

Subjecting ourselves to a mixture of piss beer, tomato juice and clam juice was one of those things that was done with such gusto that before I knew it Cram and Richter were outside shaking their cans with vigor and unconcern.  The tab clicked the concoction open and we sipped and we did not speak and we passed the can to the next and, unsurprisingly, it came rather quickly back.

It was at this time that another Discordian guest arrived.  He was handed the can and drank deeply and he turned and sprayed that amount in a fine mist.  Many described it as terrible.  This is not untrue, it is terrible.  It exists to be terrible.  Being terrible is the only fucking thing this could ever be and as such it succeeded so gloriously that it might be one of the most impressive beers I've had the distinct honor of guzzling with a very intense self loathing. 

I believe Cram said that he didn't dislike it at first, but with each successive sip he hated it more distinctly.  It would explain why all but one can was abandoned entirely.  My can.  Because it had to be done.  And Cram was wrong, here.  With each successive sip I did not hate it more distinctly.  Rather, with each successive sip I hated myself more distinctly.  It is common to know regret following a long bit of excess revelry.  It is not common to know it immediately and fully, and continue with that same act by your own free will.  And for that, Budweiser & Clamato is a drinking experience like none other.


Sweet.  Merciful.  FUCK.

Luna

Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Disco Pickle

 :lulz:

a poor man's Michelada.  I first tasted one in Mexico and now actually mix these manually quite regularly.  They're better than a bloody mary for a "hair of the dog" morning after drink.

Tabasco is absolutely necessary for the flavor though.  I can't even imagine drinking one without it.
"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter." --William Ralph Inge

"sometimes someone confesses a sin in order to take credit for it." -- John Von Neumann

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

TABASCO???

WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU???

CHOLULA OR GTFO!
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Disco Pickle

I've had one with cholula and it was damn tasty.  I'm just partial to Tabasco really.
"Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter." --William Ralph Inge

"sometimes someone confesses a sin in order to take credit for it." -- John Von Neumann

Jasper

I prefer valentina or sriracha.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Jasper on May 31, 2011, 07:19:35 PM
I prefer valentina or sriracha.

Sriracha in a chelada? Are you serious?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Jasper

It is sweet and not sour, so it could work.  Never had a chelada before, but I'll try it with sriracha when I do. 

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Jasper on May 31, 2011, 09:14:27 PM
It is sweet and not sour, so it could work.  Never had a chelada before, but I'll try it with sriracha when I do. 

Noooooooooo! Wrong flavor. :vom: A chelada is sour, salty and spicy.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."