New Bedford Guide provides EoC with delicious delicious sustenance.

[Eater of Clowns]

A local interest site and popular facebook page posted an article yesterday.

Mayor Holds Emergency Meeting to Chastise Parking Attendants

Within, a tale of the tyrannical parking enforcer we apparently elected into office.

An unknown parking attendant has worked Mayor Jon Mitchell into a fervor and driven him to call an emergency "State of the Parking Union" address. What earned the ire of the Mayor was a parking meter that had clearly expired and yet was ignored by the many parking attendants that circulate the downtown area. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I'm descending the city hall steps to head towards my car, and I notice a meter count down and expire. I sat there for a full 40 seconds before an attendant arrived and did what the city of New Bedford pays him to do."

"Immediately, I thought of a nature special I was watching the night before. It was Shark Week and they showed one of the most aggressive sharks, the Bull shark, tearing and ripping a seal from limb to limb, leaving a bloody spill. Ghastly wounds. Body parts everywhere. Yeah, I want my parking attendants to be like this. I want them to treat every week like it's Shark Week, especially around Holidays. Can you picture a Bull Shark waiting 40 seconds before he attacks a wounded seal? My point, exactly."

"I need each and every one of you parking attendants to feel like you are mini-mayors. That you are instrumental in generating revenue, so we can give ourselves raises. So we can build more parking meters. So we can buy more caviar. Notice the operative words "We can" in those sentences? That's called inspiration. That's what I do."

The response to this piece of satire is 116 comments of COMPLETELY NOT GETTING THAT IT'S SATIRE. My local brethren at their finest.

There are only a few comments on the article itself, but the facebook link has the bulk of them.

It's tasty. I want to print them out and pile them up and roll around in them. MMMMM MMMMMMM.

[Suu]

NEW BEIGE FTW.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

A local interest site and popular facebook page posted an article yesterday.

Mayor Holds Emergency Meeting to Chastise Parking Attendants

Within, a tale of the tyrannical parking enforcer we apparently elected into office.

An unknown parking attendant has worked Mayor Jon Mitchell into a fervor and driven him to call an emergency "State of the Parking Union" address. What earned the ire of the Mayor was a parking meter that had clearly expired and yet was ignored by the many parking attendants that circulate the downtown area. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. As I'm descending the city hall steps to head towards my car, and I notice a meter count down and expire. I sat there for a full 40 seconds before an attendant arrived and did what the city of New Bedford pays him to do."

"Immediately, I thought of a nature special I was watching the night before. It was Shark Week and they showed one of the most aggressive sharks, the Bull shark, tearing and ripping a seal from limb to limb, leaving a bloody spill. Ghastly wounds. Body parts everywhere. Yeah, I want my parking attendants to be like this. I want them to treat every week like it's Shark Week, especially around Holidays. Can you picture a Bull Shark waiting 40 seconds before he attacks a wounded seal? My point, exactly."

"I need each and every one of you parking attendants to feel like you are mini-mayors. That you are instrumental in generating revenue, so we can give ourselves raises. So we can build more parking meters. So we can buy more caviar. Notice the operative words "We can" in those sentences? That's called inspiration. That's what I do."

The response to this piece of satire is 116 comments of COMPLETELY NOT GETTING THAT IT'S SATIRE. My local brethren at their finest.

There are only a few comments on the article itself, but the facebook link has the bulk of them.

It's tasty. I want to print them out and pile them up and roll around in them. MMMMM MMMMMMM.

How did I miss this? This is AMAZING.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

My favorite part is the complaining that it isn't funny, after being told that it's satire. 

[Eater of Clowns]

I know, I loved it so much. I mean, it's not great satire, but hey, mission accomplished.

They mentioned in a comment that they want to make the Rotten Scallop a full site. I immediately wrote up two pieces and expressed my interest in writing for them. I haven't heard back yet, but I hope I can do some work for it.

The two full on pieces I wrote are:

Beacon Hill Adopts Policy to DIsavow Knowledge of New Bedford

and

School Department Looks to Hurricane Katrina as Model of Reform

Headlines for future articles should they decide to accept:

Hayden-McFadden Student's Piano Recital 'Sorrowful Beyond Her Years' (it's the least well performing elementary school)

Local Man Strikes Out at Bar Describing His Hometown as Armpit of Massachusetts

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I know, I loved it so much. I mean, it's not great satire, but hey, mission accomplished.

They mentioned in a comment that they want to make the Rotten Scallop a full site. I immediately wrote up two pieces and expressed my interest in writing for them. I haven't heard back yet, but I hope I can do some work for it.

The two full on pieces I wrote are:

Beacon Hill Adopts Policy to DIsavow Knowledge of New Bedford

and

School Department Looks to Hurricane Katrina as Model of Reform

Headlines for future articles should they decide to accept:

Hayden-McFadden Student's Piano Recital 'Sorrowful Beyond Her Years' (it's the least well performing elementary school)

Local Man Strikes Out at Bar Describing His Hometown as Armpit of Massachusetts

Those are all wonderful.

[Junkenstein]

What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?

It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?

[Eater of Clowns]

What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?

It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?

You don't look a gift irate-internet-commenter in the mouth, Junk.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?

It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?

It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were really right because the joke wasn't funny.

[Junkenstein]

What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?

It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?

It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were really right because the joke wasn't funny.

Makes sense, it just seems to be happening more often of late. As in, all the time. I think we've all had a moment or two in the past year were the initial reaction to satire was just "oh, so that's a thing".

People are becoming humourless fuckwits is what I'm getting at. Moreso.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What's with the angry reaction after being told it was satire?

It's like getting upset because you didn't get the joke. Have we reached the point where all jokes require explanation now?

It's just another version of digging in and screeching. It's a misguided attempt at saving face; rather than just admitting they were wrong, they are trying to prove that they were really right because the joke wasn't funny.

Makes sense, it just seems to be happening more often of late. As in, all the time. I think we've all had a moment or two in the past year were the initial reaction to satire was just "oh, so that's a thing".

People are becoming humourless fuckwits is what I'm getting at. Moreso.

I think it's because reality has reached a point where it's hard to out-satire it.

[Eater of Clowns]

Well I kept checking the site and it looks like RottenScallop.com is live now. I submitted my first piece today and it should be going live this weekend.

Right now I'm using their Rod Inskalop pseudonym because I can't get WordPress working for the site.

I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. 

My next thought was National Harpoon as a play on National Lampoon, but I think it's maybe too widescale, and SouthCoast Harpoon doesn't have the same ring to it.

SUGGESTIONS - GGGGOOOOOO

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Well I kept checking the site and it looks like RottenScallop.com is live now. I submitted my first piece today and it should be going live this weekend.

Right now I'm using their Rod Inskalop pseudonym because I can't get WordPress working for the site.

I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. 

My next thought was National Harpoon as a play on National Lampoon, but I think it's maybe too widescale, and SouthCoast Harpoon doesn't have the same ring to it.

SUGGESTIONS - GGGGOOOOOO

I like it.

[Eater of Clowns]

This keep getting better!

They haven't put my article up yet (grumble grumble) but the one they did put up, City Council Bans Pajama Pants; Organizers Plan Million Pajama Pants March. It got several hundred more outraged, moronic comments across the Rotten Scallop and New Bedford Guide websites.

The backlash is being fully embraced by the site, and even got a mention in Boston Magazine.
http://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/blog/2013/10/15/new-bedford-pajama-pants-ban-rotten-scallop/

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I'm going to need a pseudonym of my own, though. I initially said Eater of Clams, but my girlfriend said "That's just filthy." so I think that one's out. 

Your GF doesn't seem like she's serious about having a good time.