Principia Discordia

Principia Discordia => Bring and Brag => Topic started by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 26, 2009, 09:15:02 PM

Title: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 26, 2009, 09:15:02 PM
There was an afternoon one summer when a young man we will call "Steve" happened upon a book like no other he had read. It was on the shelf in his local alternative bookstore, and it was called the "Principia Discordia".

Steve had always thought himself to be quite the rebellious young man,  always speaking out about the Man and the System, but with a sense of HUMOR, goddamnit, a sense of ABSURDITY unlike everyone else he knew; this book, he said to himself, is Important. It finally tells me what I am...I am a Discordian. I must find the others!

It took Steve some time to find other Discordians, time during which he renamed himself Pope Buttercup XXIII. He felt that quite a fitting name for a Discordian. He prided himself in his sense of Absurdity, and especially his skills in Randomness, which he practiced by memorizing passages from the Principia.

He learned on the Internet that the Discordian Society near him met monthly in a café downtown, and after his months of searching he determined the date and the time, and arranged to present himself to them. When he arrived, he found the place nearly deserted except for a group of ten or twelve people clustered in a back corner, arguing. They were of all descriptions, these people; no two seemed to have anything in common, even their styles of dress; they ranged from the glowering pierced goth chick at one corner, who was seated beside a neatly-groomed silver-haired man in a rather nice suit, to the plump middle-aged matron in a V-necked rayon sweater, to the lively trenchcoat geek thumping his opinion about something-or-other loudly in the middle of the table.

Steve said to himself, "These are my people?"

"What a motley crew... well, they're Discordians, I know how to show them I'm One Of Them."

He stepped up to the table.

"23PINEALFNORD!" he said boldly, "I am Pope Buttercup XXIII! I am random, and say randomly absurd things, because I am a Discordian like you!"

The group fell silent and looked at him curiously for a moment, and then resumed arguing.

Steve was puzzled. This wasn't the reception he'd expected. He spoke again;

"Excuse me, but do you know where the monkeys fly at midnight? Modern politics bores me, and I can swallow my own nose!!"

Now a few of the others seemed to be paying attention to him, although to his dismay they seemed less than impressed by his perfect grasp of outlandishness. Two or three of them, he noticed... why, they were making fun of him! They were whispering to each other, and looking at him, and laughing! He flushed red in anger.

"Listen, you people! I am a Discordian, and I know what Discordia is, and I came here to find Answers and Truth and Nonsense and Absurdity... what do I find you doing? Just... NOTHING! Nothing at all! Why aren't you Saying Important Nonsense? Why, you're just ARGUING... ARGUING like any schmucks I might find on the street! I am obviously more enlightened and Discordian than you fools. You people are all just alike. You should be different! You should PAY ATTENTION to ME, and LISTEN to  ME, and I will show YOU How to Be Discordian!"

With this, he started dancing and squawking around the table like a big, Steve-shaped chicken, periodically uttering Absurdities such as  "I AM THE PAULRUS"  and "TOGETHER WE TURNTABLE THE GREEN OTTER!". The people at the table attempted to carry on with their arguing, but it was getting harder and harder to hear each other over the squawking. Soon, all their arguing was about Steve, and whether they should ask him to leave. About a third of the group started shouting at Steve, telling him to get out of the café and leave them alone; another third started shouting at the first third to shut up and leave Steve alone, and the other third tried to have an interesting conversation, but it was impossible to follow with all the hubbub so they eventually fell silent.

Finally, the barista stormed over and said, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON OVER HERE?"

One of the quieter members of the group replied, "Discord".

We would like, at this point, to say that Steve, hearing this, was enlightened, but it doesn't usually work that way outside of Zen koans.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: NotPublished on December 26, 2009, 10:28:37 PM
 :lulz:

That is pretty good. Your words are always easy to follow, and I could imagine the whole thing
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Bu🤠ns on December 27, 2009, 07:41:25 AM
 :D That's quite cute. 

This tread is also easily linkable for the inevitable future posts.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on December 29, 2009, 07:55:29 PM
This is fucking awesome.

Stickied for use against the next AKK clone to fall through the door.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 29, 2009, 09:49:51 PM
Thanks!
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 30, 2009, 11:58:53 PM
I don't think I've ever HAD a thread stickied before. I feel special! :D
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: East Coast Hustle on January 02, 2010, 05:19:30 PM
this is pretty good.

it also inspires me, in a PDX-specific context, to want to make posters of Merrit Paulson's smug rich-boy fuckface with the "I AM THE PAULRUS" meme on them.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Jasper on January 02, 2010, 09:21:00 PM
Steve pretty much sums it up;  This is a good sticky.

Although I'm still averse to heated argumentation being the heart and soul of Discord.  It's one aspect, but not the whole biscuit.

Shall we have a heated argument about it?
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on January 02, 2010, 09:49:17 PM
Quote from: Felix on January 02, 2010, 09:21:00 PM
Steve pretty much sums it up;  This is a good sticky.

Although I'm still averse to heated argumentation being the heart and soul of Discord.  It's one aspect, but not the whole biscuit.

Shall we have a heated argument about it?


Read it again. Heated argument wasn't the core, it was just where he happened to come in. Do not forget or ignore the 1/3 of the group who was trying to have an interesting conversation.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Jasper on January 03, 2010, 07:18:24 AM
I overlooked it, yeah.  Cool beans.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Pope Pixie Pickle on January 13, 2010, 07:51:18 PM
I liked the koan joke. :D
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: nuclearcabbage on February 13, 2010, 12:38:55 AM
while we're on subject..

where DO the monkeys fly at night??
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Batty Kissinger on April 02, 2010, 09:58:49 AM
Is anyone gonna smack nuclearcabbage or should I?
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Doktor Howl on April 02, 2010, 04:28:07 PM
Quote from: Batty Kissinger on April 02, 2010, 09:58:49 AM
Is anyone gonna smack nuclearcabbage or should I?

I think he left when none of us took his "DRUGS ARE MAHDGJICKQUAL" rant seriously.

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24167.msg829335#msg829335
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Freeky on July 05, 2010, 11:10:20 PM
This was a good story, I read it before but I wanted to again. :D
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on July 06, 2010, 01:04:13 AM
Thanks Freeky!
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Freeky on July 06, 2010, 01:07:46 AM
 :)
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: The Great Pope of OUTSIDE on September 18, 2010, 04:00:23 AM
It is a good story, and definitely helps one understand the society quite a bit better, lol.

Although, what exactly is the line between outright pinealism and discussing some of the more vague and out there aspects of discordianism?
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 18, 2010, 04:06:22 AM
Quote from: The Great Pope of OUTSIDE on September 18, 2010, 04:00:23 AM
It is a good story, and definitely helps one understand the society quite a bit better, lol.

Although, what exactly is the line between outright pinealism and discussing some of the more vague and out there aspects of discordianism?

It's kind of like the line between being blunt and being a jerk. Hard to define and even harder to recognize when you're the one pushing it, but other people know when you've stepped over it.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Telarus on September 18, 2010, 04:18:39 AM
It's the line between liking Monty Python and sharing favorite moments with friends, and interjecting a Monty Python quote into every conversation that you possibly can.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: LMNO on October 01, 2010, 02:30:28 PM
Quote from: The Great Pope of OUTSIDE on September 18, 2010, 04:00:23 AM
Although, what exactly is the line between outright pinealism and discussing some of the more vague and out there aspects of discordianism?

Discussing aspects of "classic" Discordianism is much different than parroting fifty-year-old jokes that weren't very funny to start with.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: minuspace on November 14, 2010, 09:34:57 PM
Your pet spag is always with me  :D
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Kansai on December 24, 2010, 12:50:15 AM
I like this story.  It has excellent quality and flow.  I am disheartened, though, because my story "The Tale of Chaminade" was posted after this one while remaining oblivious to this work of art.  It's frustrating when you unknowingly post what seems like a mockery to a prior existence.  Regressing to the topic at hand, I thoroughly enjoyed your parable and shall now consider it the origin of Principia Discordia.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 24, 2010, 06:11:36 PM
It doesn't appear to be a mockery, as much as it appears to be so utterly stale and cliche that a story mocking it, and you, was already written.

Because you are a stereotype. There are six people who think just like you on every streetcorner. You are not original, clever, interesting, or mindblowing. All you are is "outlandish", where "outlandish" follows a known and predictable set of rules.

Stop trying so hard.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Kansai on December 24, 2010, 07:45:28 PM
Please elaborate on this.  Your saying that my composition, "The Tale of Chaminade", is a common stereotype story that anyone on a streetcorner would write?  If so, then why are you so surprised by spotting it on these forums?  That seems like a contradiction of what you are saying.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 24, 2010, 08:23:34 PM
Lame troll is lame. Go away, poptart.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Kansai on December 24, 2010, 08:27:36 PM
I agree, trolling is lame.  So stop doing it on my posts you hipocrite.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 24, 2010, 08:35:02 PM
Quote from: Mind King on December 24, 2010, 08:27:36 PM
I agree, trolling is lame.  So stop doing it on my posts you hipocrite.

:lulz: This is my thread you're trolling. Moron.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Kansai on December 24, 2010, 08:39:16 PM
Sorry to steal your thunder, then.

Here's one last reply for your post:

If you feel offended by my words or feel that I'm trolling you, then I apologize.  I just don't like people talking trash to me.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on December 24, 2010, 08:41:19 PM
Quote from: Mind King on December 24, 2010, 08:39:16 PM
Sorry to steal your thunder, then.

Here's one last reply for your post:

If you feel offended by my words or feel that I'm trolling you, then I apologize.  I just don't like people talking trash to me.

You certainly don't have it in you to steal my thunder and I'm not offended. But you responded to honest feedback and criticism of your story by getting defensive and being an insufferable dick, so you're getting it back.

That's just how it goes.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Ambassador KLOK KAOS on July 05, 2011, 01:02:46 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 29, 2009, 07:55:29 PM
This is fucking awesome.

Stickied for use against the next AKK clone to fall through the door.

I had a feeling my name would drop early ITT  :lulz:
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Doktor Howl on July 05, 2011, 01:14:20 AM
Quote from: Ambassador KLOK KAOS on July 05, 2011, 01:02:46 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on December 29, 2009, 07:55:29 PM
This is fucking awesome.

Stickied for use against the next AKK clone to fall through the door.

I had a feeling my name would drop early ITT  :lulz:

There's a reason for that, AKK.  I mean, if negative attention is what you'll settle for, it's what you'll get.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Ambassador KLOK KAOS on July 05, 2011, 01:30:28 AM
It's not really that.  More that just while I was reading it I was having flashbacks to those threads.

I assumed someone else *cough* might feel similarly.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: kingyak on September 26, 2011, 09:32:31 PM
Quote from: Telarus on September 18, 2010, 04:18:39 AM
It's the line between liking Monty Python and sharing favorite moments with friends, and interjecting a Monty Python quote into every conversation that you possibly can.

I have my own special hate (http://goatheadgumbo.blogspot.com/2009/11/quest-for-holy-grail.html) for people who randomly quote Monty Python.

Also, excellent work, Nigel.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on September 26, 2011, 11:08:14 PM
Thanks!
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Tupac L. Porker on June 18, 2012, 06:31:37 PM
God damn it I'm a Steve >.> I don't want to be Steve.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on June 19, 2012, 02:10:33 PM
Quote from: Tupac L. Porker on June 18, 2012, 06:31:37 PM
God damn it I'm a Steve >.> I don't want to be Steve.

Then stop.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: AFK on June 19, 2012, 02:11:51 PM
It's cooler to be a Stephen anyway.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Freeky on June 22, 2012, 05:26:51 PM
Quote from: Doktor Howl on April 02, 2010, 04:28:07 PM
Quote from: Batty Kissinger on April 02, 2010, 09:58:49 AM
Is anyone gonna smack nuclearcabbage or should I?

I think he left when none of us took his "Roger's inflamed gonads ARE MAHDGJICKQUAL" rant seriously.

http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=24167.msg829335#msg829335

Strangely enough, Roger himself has argued this, and posited that this is why he should be allowed to run around in public "nude."
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Pæs on February 04, 2013, 07:04:44 PM
Quote from: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.

Yeah, Nigel. What the fuck? Why did you leave out those guys?
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 04, 2013, 10:44:19 PM
Quote from: Pæs on February 04, 2013, 07:04:44 PM
Quote from: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.

Yeah, Nigel. What the fuck? Why did you leave out those guys?

OMG I HAVE FAILED AS A DISCORDIAN!

:crybaby:

Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2013, 10:55:48 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on February 04, 2013, 10:44:19 PM
Quote from: Pæs on February 04, 2013, 07:04:44 PM
Quote from: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.

Yeah, Nigel. What the fuck? Why did you leave out those guys?

OMG I HAVE FAILED AS A DISCORDIAN!

:crybaby:

JUST HANG UP YOUR JOCKSTRAP.  STICK A FORK IN IT.

On a completely unrelated note, Mumbo's name on Facebook is "Steve".  So stick that in your e-cigarette and smoke...Um, inhale it.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2013, 10:56:30 PM
Quote from: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.

I have never needed to justify my Hate2  It just IS.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 04, 2013, 11:04:39 PM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on February 04, 2013, 10:55:48 PM
Quote from: M. Nigel Salt on February 04, 2013, 10:44:19 PM
Quote from: Pæs on February 04, 2013, 07:04:44 PM
Quote from: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 04, 2013, 06:18:47 PM
You left out the group of Discordians who were discussing how much they hate themselves and everyone else who hasn't used Discordianism as a means to justify the unleashing of their hate as much as they have.

Yeah, Nigel. What the fuck? Why did you leave out those guys?

OMG I HAVE FAILED AS A DISCORDIAN!

:crybaby:

JUST HANG UP YOUR JOCKSTRAP.  STICK A FORK IN IT.

On a completely unrelated note, Mumbo's name on Facebook is "Steve".  So stick that in your e-cigarette and smoke...Um, inhale it.

:lol:


Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mr. MumboJumbo on February 05, 2013, 02:20:38 PM
Wakka-wakka-wakka-wakka.  :argh!:
Everyone loves surprises.  :lulz:
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Salty on February 12, 2013, 05:45:47 AM
I'm just surprised you think that shit was hate.

You just don't know hate, son.
       /
:mullet:
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on February 12, 2013, 08:20:31 AM
Quote from: Alty on February 12, 2013, 05:45:47 AM
I'm just surprised you think that shit was hate.

You just don't know hate, son.
       /
:mullet:

:lol:
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Doobie on March 12, 2013, 05:27:50 AM
I loved this.

Though I'm not much of an arguer.
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 12, 2013, 06:29:24 PM
Quote from: Doobie on March 12, 2013, 05:27:50 AM
I loved this.

Though I'm not much of an arguer.

Thanks!
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: Mesozoic Mister Nigel on March 12, 2013, 06:38:00 PM
You can always be part of "the 1/3 of the group who was trying to have an interesting conversation".
Title: Re: The Parable of Steve
Post by: SleepyFocker on December 05, 2023, 06:18:31 PM
I would be a dolphin, not a Steve.