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Not a lot of people remember this

Started by P3nT4gR4m, May 22, 2007, 07:04:47 PM

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P3nT4gR4m

May 22, 2007, 07:04:47 PM
Welcome to Black Iron Prison

You're here for the term of your natural life or until you die, whichever comes first.

Please choose the dimensions and furnishings of your cell, these can be changed at any time.

Please choose the flexibility of these dimensions, this can be changed at any time.

Please choose your activities from the options available, these can be added to at any time.

Failure to do so will result in a decision being made for you, this will become harder to change the longer you make use of this feature.

By leaving here you agree to the terms and conditions of this contract.




This message was written, in invisble pigment, on the inside of your mother's uterus.

It still applies.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

LMNO

#1
May 22, 2007, 07:42:26 PM
Someone needs to make this into a contract-stle PDF.



:mittens:

cyberus

#2
May 23, 2007, 08:49:55 AM Last Edit: May 23, 2007, 06:51:28 PM by cyberus
Here it is in my best legalese, someone else can PDF it.


BLACK IRON PRISON END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT
IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ CAREFULLY:

This End User License Agreement ("Agreement") constitutes a valid and binding agreement, and is necessary for existence. You have no choice but to enter into this agreement, so please be aware of the terms as defined below.

YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, DO NOT TRY TO CRAWL BACK IN.  YOU WILL JUST PISS THE DOCTOR OFF, AND HE MIGHT SMACK YOU HARDER THAN EXPECTED.

1.  BLACK IRON PRISON TERMS

Black Iron Prison ("BIP") ownership entitles user to equip and use a licensed cell on one unique human for an unknown time period.

BIP ownership period will vary according to life choices including but not limited to: natural or deliberate action resulting in death, coma, state of mental disability, or a permanent vegetative state.  Access to above-mentioned cell may or may not terminate at the end of the ownership period.  The ownership duration will be computed from the date on which the necessary licensing information is made available to the end-user("Birth").

2.  PROVISIONS

A.  You, the end user, are the sole and exclusive owner of all materials provided by the BIP. Nothing in this Agreement shall operate to transfer any title or ownership interest in such materials to anyone but yourself.

B.  You acknowledge that you have the ability to provide support, including but not limited to installation, maintenance, debugging and improvements, for materials, this includes but is not limited to:  choosing the dimensions and furnishings of your cell, the flexibility of said dimensions, and the ability to make choices from the options available.

C.You acknowledge that you have the ability to change any of the parameters for your cell.  said parameters include, but are not limited to: the abovementioned dimensions, furnishings, flexibility, and choices.

3.  BREACH OF PROVISIONS

A.  You acknowledge that failure to engage these abilities will result in support being provided for you externally.

B.  You acknowledge that in the result of support being provided for you, third party bars to the cell may be established, and that by using such services you understand that this third party bar may affect the way your paradigim's shift("Brainwashing"). You agree that you must evaluate, and bear all risks associated with, the use of any content, including any reliance on the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of such content.

C. You acknowledge that continued breach of provisions may or may not result in an inability to filter third party bars, as well as an inability to provide your own support.

PLEASE ENJOY YOUR BIP EXPERIENCE.
The bun-sellers or cake-makers were in nothing inclinable to their request; but,which was worse,did injure them most outrageously,called them prattling gabblers,lickorous gluttons,freckled bittors,mangy rascals,shite-a-bed scoundrels,drunken roysters,sly knaves,drowsy loiterers,slapsauce fellows,slabberdegullion druggels,lubberly louts,cozening foxes,ruffian rogues,paltry customers,sycophant-varlets,drawlatch hoydens,flouting milksops,jeering companions,staring clowns,forlorn snakes,ninny lobcocks,scurvy sneaksbies,fondling fops,base loons,saucy coxcombs,idle lusks,scoffing braggarts,noddy meacocks,blockish grutnols,doddipol-joltheads,jobbernol goosecaps,foolish loggerheads,flutch calf-lollies,grouthead gnat-snappers,lob-dotterels,gaping changelings,codshead loobies,woodcock slangams,ninny-hammer flycatchers,noddypeak simpletons,turdy gut,shitten shepherds,and other suchlike defamatory epithets; saying further,that it was not for them to eat of these dainty cakes...

LMNO

#3
May 23, 2007, 12:44:12 PM
Template, template... Who's got the legalese template?

AFK

#4
May 23, 2007, 02:06:26 PM
I think I do.  Which one would I be using the original or cyberus'?
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

LMNO

#5
May 23, 2007, 02:10:35 PM
Why not both?

AFK

#6
May 23, 2007, 02:14:22 PM
I'll start with Cyberus' adaptation only because it's going to be easier to drop into the template. 

I found a template online that I think will work.  I should have it done soon.
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

AFK

#7
May 23, 2007, 02:26:39 PM
someone hook me up with that file-hosting site.

Also, I think we should sticky something in the depository with a link to that, and other quality file hosting sites for dumbasses like me who can't remember things. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

LMNO

#8
May 23, 2007, 02:30:07 PM

AFK

#9
May 23, 2007, 02:35:34 PM
mucho gracias,

http://mihd.net/yi60vn

Here it is.  It's in word, I don't have the capabilities to pdf-ify it so someone else will have to do that.  As it's in Word anyone should be able to edit, re-format, etc. how they see fit. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

tyrannosaurus vex

#10
May 23, 2007, 03:32:26 PM
Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

P3nT4gR4m

#11
May 23, 2007, 03:48:35 PM
The words ('birth') and 'think big' are kinda giving away the punchline a bit too early IMO.

Might be better if the reader has to work that shit out themselves.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

cyberus

#12
May 23, 2007, 06:50:39 PM
Quote from: SillyCybin on May 23, 2007, 03:48:35 PM
The words ('birth') and 'think big' are kinda giving away the punchline a bit too early IMO.

Might be better if the reader has to work that shit out themselves.

Well, I put the ("Birth") part in, because it implies that it's written in invisible ink on your mum's uterus.
The bun-sellers or cake-makers were in nothing inclinable to their request; but,which was worse,did injure them most outrageously,called them prattling gabblers,lickorous gluttons,freckled bittors,mangy rascals,shite-a-bed scoundrels,drunken roysters,sly knaves,drowsy loiterers,slapsauce fellows,slabberdegullion druggels,lubberly louts,cozening foxes,ruffian rogues,paltry customers,sycophant-varlets,drawlatch hoydens,flouting milksops,jeering companions,staring clowns,forlorn snakes,ninny lobcocks,scurvy sneaksbies,fondling fops,base loons,saucy coxcombs,idle lusks,scoffing braggarts,noddy meacocks,blockish grutnols,doddipol-joltheads,jobbernol goosecaps,foolish loggerheads,flutch calf-lollies,grouthead gnat-snappers,lob-dotterels,gaping changelings,codshead loobies,woodcock slangams,ninny-hammer flycatchers,noddypeak simpletons,turdy gut,shitten shepherds,and other suchlike defamatory epithets; saying further,that it was not for them to eat of these dainty cakes...
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