Honey Boo Boo Rant

[The Good Reverend Roger]

You can't understand America™ without understanding Honey Boo Boo.  Fact.

Most everyone has seen this little mutant and her sideshow freak mother, which is aired on The Learning Channel.  Let me repeat that:  On THE LEARNING CHANNEL.  Ironic?  NO.  I firmly believe that TLC is upholding the mandate implied by its name.  It is trying to teach America™ something.

And what is that?

Well, see that fat woman and her energy drink-addicted kid?  That IS America™.  Listen to the words that come out of that ruined child's mouth..."A dollar makes me holler!", for example, is the very SOUL of America™.  The horrible rolling in the mud the entire family does for a measly $40K/year is also uncomfortably close to what everyone else does, isn't it?

The plain fact is, that entire clan of po'buckers says and does nothing that 99% of Americans don't also say and do.  It's just that they're so hideous about it...It's a funhouse mirror of everyone in this country.  People laugh at these yahoos because the funhouse mirror distorts things just enough that they can't quite recognize themselves.  The quiver of unease that goes through viewers is just an added thrill.

So the next time you find yourself laughing at these caricatures, take a moment and reflect on the idea that they're YOU.  They just get PAID for it.  A little, anyway.  You, on the other hand, go to work and smile at people you hate, all in the pursuit of that dollar that makes you holler.  You smile while they shit on you.  You roll in the mud, and bite the heads off of chickens (or an equally humiliating equivalent).  And you do it for peanuts, just like they do.

So, keep lauging, America™.  Laugh until your guts bleed.  Laugh until you can't stop screaming, until your throat is raw.  Laugh so hard that you won't have to see what you are.  Laugh yourself to death, and you'll be replaced by some other asshole, and nobody will smell the difference.

Well done.  Assholes.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Nailed it. 

[Internet Jesus]

You can't understand America™ without understanding Honey Boo Boo.  Fact.

Most everyone has seen this little mutant and her sideshow freak mother, which is aired on The Learning Channel.  Let me repeat that:  On THE LEARNING CHANNEL.  Ironic?  NO.  I firmly believe that TLC is upholding the mandate implied by its name.  It is trying to teach America™ something.

And what is that?

Well, see that fat woman and her energy drink-addicted kid?  That IS America™.  Listen to the words that come out of that ruined child's mouth..."A dollar makes me holler!", for example, is the very SOUL of America™.  The horrible rolling in the mud the entire family does for a measly $40K/year is also uncomfortably close to what everyone else does, isn't it?

The plain fact is, that entire clan of po'buckers says and does nothing that 99% of Americans don't also say and do.  It's just that they're so hideous about it...It's a funhouse mirror of everyone in this country.  People laugh at these yahoos because the funhouse mirror distorts things just enough that they can't quite recognize themselves.  The quiver of unease that goes through viewers is just an added thrill.

So the next time you find yourself laughing at these caricatures, take a moment and reflect on the idea that they're YOU.  They just get PAID for it.  A little, anyway.  You, on the other hand, go to work and smile at people you hate, all in the pursuit of that dollar that makes you holler.  You smile while they shit on you.  You roll in the mud, and bite the heads off of chickens (or an equally humiliating equivalent).  And you do it for peanuts, just like they do.

So, keep lauging, America™.  Laugh until your guts bleed.  Laugh until you can't stop screaming, until your throat is raw.  Laugh so hard that you won't have to see what you are.  Laugh yourself to death, and you'll be replaced by some other asshole, and nobody will smell the difference.

Well done.  Assholes.

And then?

[Cain]

And then?

you'll be replaced by some other asshole, and nobody will smell the difference.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

We're fucking doomed, you know that, right? 

[Luna]

We're fucking doomed, you know that, right? 

Yep.

When fucking doomed, slam it into high gear, hang on, scream if you're so inclined, and enjoy the ride.

[Internet Jesus]

And then?

you'll be replaced by some other asshole, and nobody will smell the difference.

And then?

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

We're fucking doomed, you know that, right? 

Yep.

When fucking doomed, slam it into high gear, hang on, scream if you're so inclined, and enjoy the ride.

No, wait..

[Bu🤠ns]

yeah something was off to me about HBB but it's so easy to just chock it up to shock value but there was something else...some nagging sensation that there's something else going on here....and yeah, Roger, just what Nigel said...Nailed it. 

But then this is just another reflection back of many, isn't it? 

also , TFFAYF

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Yep. Laugh your ass off, America, laugh until you convince yourself that ain't you.

Better yet, America, laugh until you really believe, like, REALLY believe, America, that you wouldn't really rather be hanging out with Mama. Instead of the assfucks you work with, America.

Don't fucking lie to me.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

It's here to stay. Gig flyer by Kerry Awn:

[Richter]

Well spoke.  Anything we see that we hate, anything driving us to that keening rage SHOULD be a cause for introspection.  Nothing pisses you off like a parody, a simplistic, overdrawn farce of what you thought was you fine little way through life.

We are all free to go out there.  To holler for dollars.  To spend our limited minutes whoring and falling over ourselves in order to wring a little more money out.  Like hell that's a $40k a year crowd though.  They've hit the money, and they know it.  Give it time and they will drip upwards like the skid marks of a worn lava lamp.  scum of the bottom risen.  Bumbling about the surface on the convection current of popular interest until the inevitable cooling draws them down again. 

Will little HBB and her kin have a life parcelled out into careful trusts and savings?  Or will they suck up and savor the fat today, only to congeal back to their previous condition in the end, feeling the cold inevitability of poverty closing around them like only Steinbeck, Miller, or Simon and Garfunkel could write? 

They can holler and they will holler.  Too readily or too loudly and the beast grows bored.  If I've gotten anything out of this - we all prostitute ourselves one way or another, but the character with which we do so determines whether we're used up and done before the money for our services runs out. 

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I can't really tell you what I do for my $9.50/hr, but it's the cream of the crop of minimum wage jobs. I report to a neckbeard, and I work with neckbeards, for neckbeards. That said, my co-workers are surprisingly cool and almost worth the sub-living wage I'm paid. Management is lax, my corporate owners are in the top 10 companies in the US, and I get free reign to be an asshole as warranted. This is the best shitty-paying job I've ever had.

That said, I know I'm a fucking disposable cog, but I'm one of the last disposable cogs they're going to let go. I can get grad students to STFU with some minor linguistic jiu-jitsu. My main homie in the company is a standout, exceptional employee that will be gone within the month because other companies can pay a living wage PLUS benefits. Management knows everyfuckingbody on the team is continually looking for better jobs. They said it point blank, "Who really wants to work here for the next year?" Nobody raised their hand. "Yeah, I thought so," he said. It's how it goes. Am I working for peanuts? For sure. Do I have to take anybodies shit? Nope.

When I'm gone, they're going to smell the difference.

[Doktor Howl]

Yep. Laugh your ass off, America, laugh until you convince yourself that ain't you.

Better yet, America, laugh until you really believe, like, REALLY believe, America, that you wouldn't really rather be hanging out with Mama. Instead of the assfucks you work with, America.

Don't fucking lie to me.

I have a use for this.  Permission to quote?

[LMNO]

I can only imagine you've seen this:

"Honey Boo Boo" cancelled because Mama June is dating a convicted child molester.