Topics

Enlightenment?

Anyone find it? Perhaps with a vengeance?

Or have we given up? Declared it dead?

Or are we all too busy with the rat race?

-toa,
all your cheese are found by us

It rained the entire time.

-toa,
is obscurely famous

I'm feeling left out.

-toa,
is special, dammit!

Remember mashups?

1. Take two different whatevers.
2. Mix.
3. Profit!

I'll start:

Poppy Z. Brite + Philip K. Dick =
Poppy K. Dick: Do Vampires Dream of Electric Virgins?

You has me.

http://secweb.infidels.org/?kiosk=articles&id=257

http://www.mail-archive.com/ctrl@listserv.aol.com/msg00344.html

http://educate-yourself.org/cn/ciadrugsabusemurder.shtml

How did we miss this?

Did we miss this?

Or am I the only only one who missed this?

-toa,
CIA under-cover up

[EDIT: copy-pasta'd wrong tab...]

[1. Seasonal Wall Calendar]

I'm claiming next year's calendar.

There shall be two of them:

1. Seasonal Wall Calendar

The kind you're used to. Letter and A4 variants.

Will need five big and beautiful images of Eris pin-ups, or whatever.

2. Page-a-Day Inspirational Calendar

The kind you're not used to. Each day on a separate page with either an image or a quote or possibly both.

So, I'm gonna need help: 365 pithy or insightful (or, goddess help us, zany) quotes and/or 365 pics, each of which must be at most two-degrees of separation from Discordia.

Deadline is October 31st, or, if I feel like it, today.

-toa,
killing time before time kills me

Now I remember...

Eden!

-toa,
i got your flaming sword... in my pants!

HOORAY BEER!
\

One flyer
Two flyers
FIVE flyers!

(Follow and use the "Download to Desktop" link, for great marriage!)

Over on POEE.co.uk

Greyscale.
Color.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/30722063/

As always, "Download to Desktop".

http://toa267.deviantart.com/gallery/

So many uploads, I'm just gonna link to the gallery.

More on the second page.

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/29382640/

Has this been posted before? I found the blurb to be surprisingly relevant to our little group.

It might be the one fiction book I actually buy this year.

-Agent 267

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/29051531/

It's so money!

Stop, collaborate and listen,
Slim is back with a brand new image.
P.R. grabbed a hold of me tightly,
Now I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.
Will I always be white? Yo -- I don't know,
Turn off the lights and I'll glow.
To the extreme, I rock a mic like a vandal,
Light up a stage and beat my wife with my sandal.

Damn, been complaining about my mom since the womb,
I'm killing your brain with poisonous mushrooms.
Deadly, when I play a dope melody,
Anything less than the palest is a felony.
Love it or leave it, you better gain way,
Vanilla two-point-oh ain't going away.
If there was a problem, yo, I'll bitch about it,
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.

Slim Slim Shady
I'm the real
Slim Slim Shady

[The rest of the song is too damn funny to be parodied.]

Slim Slim Shady
I'm the real
Slim Slim Shady

Yo, man -- let's get out of here!
I still can't say 'nigga'!

Slim Slim Shady
Too white, too white
Slim Slim Shady

I was listening to the radio and Bloodhound Gang comes on. Almost immediately, this idea popped into my head and I felt a driving need to write it and post it.

Fire, Water, Porn

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,
We don't need no water let the motherfucker burn,
Burn motherfucker burn.

Hello, my name is Cindi Pop and I'm a dumb white girl.
I'm not old or new but middle school, fifth grade like internet porn.
I don't know mofo if y'all peeps be buggin', give props to my ass cause it's all fly,
But I can give some heat, 'cuz I'm the other pink meat known as 'Kid Fucked-n-Fried'.

Yea, your little sister buys my CDs, who cares if I have any class.
So forget your social activism, I'm gonna sing about my tight round ass,
Cause I'm kind of like Madonna, I wanna fuck everything I see,
I'm the root of all that's evil, yeah, but you can call me Brittney.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...

Hoe hoe

This hard-core ghetto pornstar image takes a lot of practice,
I can't sing like Ashley Simpson, no, but I can dance like Shakira.
So if men are from Mars and women are Venus, then that must make me Uranus,
This honey's getting a fake bust.

But if I keep my chest flat, then I know I will sell well,
You'll spend your cash on L.S. Sorority, Felicity Fey, and Starla J,
And Abby Winters, Diddylicious, Met Art, and hot Latina Lolita imports,
And Michelle, yea, Mary-Kate, 'cuz she's the anti-Christ.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...

Everybody here we go,
Ohh Ohh, C'mon horny people,
Ohh Ohh, Throw your hands in the air,
Ohh Ohh, C'mon horny people,
Ohh Ohh, Wave 'em like you don't care,
Ohh Ohh, C'mon horny people,
Ohh Ohh, Everbody say ho,
Ohh Ohh, C'mon horny people,
Ohh Ohh, Everybody here we go.

Type-1: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/25053688/
TrueType: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/25132984/

Click "Download to Desktop" under the thumbnail.

TrueType for Windows and possibly Mac. Type-1 for, apparantly, nothing.

Edit: Thanks for the ttf, Syn!

Poker-size PDF
Standard-size PDF
Postscript

Have some fun:

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/24388062/

If you're none too familiar with teh screwy DA, choose "Download to Desktop" for great justice.

An animated optical illusion doodle.

Gee, how cool; the horizontal lines get all wavy and stuff.

[I grew up in South fuckin Compton, bitch! My left lung has been shot so many times, it's made of lead! You hear me, bitch!? Superman couldn't see through me!"]

"Welcome to the Open Bar," the automated voice said to N00b.

N00b stepped inside and looked around. The place was trashed. Half of the tables were broken or deleted. A couple of stools had been edited -- by what one could not say, other than it must have been some evil mod of doom.

N00b stepped up to what was left of the bar. The Mgt peeked out from behind timidly. "Is the brawl over yet?"

"Um," N00b looked around. "I guess so. The only people here are quietly sipping their drinks and trying not to look at the mess."

"Good." The Mgt stood up. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"I'll have a beer."

"BEER IS FOR TEH WHINYE LUSERS!" a ghostly penis shouted in N00bs ear before moving on to shout at someone else. "I HAVE NOHTNIG TO SAY! WHY DID YUO BAN ME!?"

"He's been banned?" N00b asked. "Then why is he still here?"

"I wouldn't know for sure but," The Mgt leaned in to whisper in N00b's ear, "I think that might be Eric."

"Who's Eric?" N00b asked.

Before The Mgt could respond, the ghostly penis jumped over the bar and shouted, "I AM NOT TEH ERIC! WHY DID YUO BAN ME!?"

"Excuse me a minute," The Mgt said to N00b. With a puff of smoke, The Mgt was gone.

N00b looked around. The few people sitting at what was left of the booths seemed to be huddled and wary of outsiders. "I don't think I want to be here," N00b muttered to himself.

"TEHN WHY DONT YUIO FLOUNEC LIKE ALL TEH OHTER LUSERS!?" the ghostly penis shouted.

"How do I flounce?" N00b asked, not knowing if he'd like the answer.

"OVRE TEHRE," the ghostly penis pointed to a door at the back where someone seemed to be going in and out of as if they couldn't make up their mind. "GO AHEAD AND FLOUNE LOSER! WE ALL KNOW YOUR ERIC!"

N00b walked over to the door.

"Hi! I'm Fnordiscordia. Did I win any bets yet!?" Fnordiscordia asked.

"I don't know," N00b said. "What bets?"

"That's it! I'm flouncing!" Fnordiscordia went back into the room.

Just as the door closed, it opened again and Fnordiscordia stepped out. "Okay, I'm back."

"What's in that room?" N00b asked.

"That? Oh, that's the Flounce Room. But the only way in is to flounce."

"How do I flounce?" N00b asked.

"Simple. But first, I have to ask: Are you Eric?"

"No."

"Okay then. First, announce your flounce. The simply open the door and step through. Like this." With that, Fnordiscordia wailed a faux emo wail, opened the door and stepped through.

N00b followed.

"You think you got the hang of it?" Fnordiscordia asked.

"Um, yea," N00b said.

"Good. I'm going back out now." And with that, Fnordiscordia went back to the bar.

N00b looked around. The room was kind of big, about the size of twenty-three phpBB message boards, and contained about seventeen beds. Three men were standing naked near one of the beds and shouting at each other.

"SUHT UP ERIC! MY DICK IS BIGGEST!!" Roger shouted.

"No, sir! My penis is bigger and uses lower-case, Eric," Hugh replied.

"I AM THE UBER-BIGGEST PENIS! LOOK UPON ME AND BE AWED BY TEH BIGGNESSS TAHT IS ME PENIS!" Turd shouted.

"Um, hello?" N00b interrupted. "Is this the Flounce Room?"

"YOU ARE TEH ERIC! YOUR IDEAS ARE LAME! WAYSA!?" Roger shouted at N00b.

"Hold up, Roger! Let's ask N00b to decide," Hugh said. "N00b, which of our penises is the biggest?"

"TAHTS A STOOPID IDAE HUGH! WAYSA!?" Roger shouted.

"Actually," N00b said, looking down, "I can't really see any of your penises."

"ARE YOU CALLING ME SMALL ERIC!?" Roger shouted. "I CANT BE SMALL! I RIPPED HUGH A NEW ASSHOLE! AND I SAY AGAIN, WTFAYSA!!!?"

N00b was about to back away when a tall and scary black man appeared.

"VERTHAINE IS TEH LOSER! VERTHAINE IS ERIC! I PWNED YOU!" Turd shouted.

Verthaine got up in his face. "You steppin' to me boy? You do not want to be steppin to me! I grew up in South fuckin Compton, bitch! My left lung has been shot so many times, it's made of lead! You hear me, bitch!? Superman couldn't see through me!" By now, Verthaine was towering over Turd's cowardly stature, raining down the righteous spittle of fury upon his face. "And furthermore, you little piece of cracker shit! My dick is so big, I give clydesdales performance anxiety! SO YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK WITH THIS NIGGER!!"

Nobody else said a waord, averting their eyes in fear.

"Um, sir?" N00b asked. "Why are you flouncing?"

"I'm not," Verthaine said. "This is the only way to the employee's bathroom. Damn trolls ruined the other one."

Verthaine continued on his journey.

N00b quickly turned back, hoping the people left in the bar weren't as crazy as these three.

On his way through the door, he bumped into an excessively average man in an overcoat. "Excuse me," LMNO said. "I have some business to take care of."

"LMNO YOU STROIES ARE TEH SUCK! YOU ARE TEH ERIC!" Turd shouted.

"Oh, so this is where the penis war is?" LMNO retorted. He whipped open his overcoat to reveal the five-foot schlong he had been clutching to his chest, which now dropped to the floor, hanging peacefully yet pridefully from between his equally thick and powerful legs.

"I AM TEH WIN, YOU FUCKING MORAN!" And with that, he shut his overcoat and returned to the bar to finish writing LMNO-PI.

N00b followed LMNO out to the bar. LMNO sat down with a few persons.

"Hello? I'm new here and I was wondering: what's going on? Why is this place so trashed?" N00b asked.

"Hello, N00b!" Eldora said. "Wanna hear a story about my son?"

"Not really," N00b said.

"I knew it! You're Eric aren't you? Fess up!"

Just then, DJRubberDucky ran through the bar screaming, "Help! I'm being sigged! I'm being sigged!"

"Who's Eric?" N00b asked.

The other anonymous spoke up, "Yea! His question good.
Who is this Eric fellow
people talk about?"

"Are you speaking in haiku?" N00b asked.

"Yes I am, good friend.
For I am the haiku god.
Five-seven-five, yo!" toa said.

"Isn't that saying supposed to be, 'five-by-five'?" N00b asked.

"I can make it say
whatever I want it to.
All haikus are mine!" toa said.

"Okay," N00b said. "Can we get back to explaining this mess?"

"Eh, I'm sure The Mgt will clean it up eventually," Eldora said.

"THE MGT IS IN MY PANTS!" the ghostly penis shouted.

"ELDORA'S JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE HER SON AINT AS GOOD AS HER HUSBAND ERIC!" Chef shouted.

"Will you marry me and bake me pie?" toa asked Chef.

"Hey! You look like that guy in the back room!" N00b said.

"NO I DONT!" Chef said and hurredly walked away.

"This board is sucking.
I am now on strike. So there.
But nobody cares," toa said.

"I care. I'm also waiting for you to slip up and break the syllable count or use bad grammer," N00b said.

"Shut up, you loser!
I'm the one true haiku god!
You will worship and ...
um ...
Next Topic: OBEY!" toa shouted.

N00b walked back to the bar and sat down.

Just then, he saw toa waving a riding crop and chasing Chef into the kitchen. After a few loud slaps and screams, N00b heard toa shout, "Cook me some dinner, bitch!"

N00b set down his beer and walked to the front door. "Sorriest bunch of losers I ever saw. I'm going back to FurryMUCK."

"And just who the hell is Eric?"

[Creation: Does not existDestruction: Does not exist]

A lot is being said lately about certain things, such as Chaos and Disorder and Creation and stuff. Allow me to give the last word on this matter so that we can finally move on to more productive discussion.

Creation: Does not exist
Destruction: Does not exist

The second law of thermodynamics says simply that we cannot create or destroy. For all the talk about quantum physics, people forget regular physics -- which, by the way, has had a lot more work and rigorous proofing, firmly establishing it as almost certainly correct.

Order: Does not exist
Disorder: Does not exist

Yes, certain things behave in certain ways. To say that the massive accumulation of behaviorisms within a system constitutes something distinct from the massive accumulation of behaviorisms within a system is merely taxonomy -- which is a means of classifying human observation and has no actual bearing on reality. C.f. "Reality Grids".

And now, I get lost...

Time: Does not exist

Time is a method of taxonomy -- a means of classifying human observation. Things are arranged "chronologically" into three distinct groups: the "past", the "present", and the "future". What is odd about this taxonomy is the fact tht one of the groups has never been seen, another is either lost forever or still exists as part of another group, and the third is constantly changing. Since one group does not exist and another is lost, there is only one actual group: the present.

This taxonomy, being demonstrably absurd, will not be discussed further.

Relatively speaking: when the pressure on a system is increased, the rate at which its members interact decreases.

The greater one attempts to accelerate through a system, the greater the inertial forces counter-acting that movement. As the acceleration approaches the maximum, the inertial forces approach maximum; as the inertial forces approach maximum, the pressure within the system approaches maximum, and the rate of change within the system approaches minimum.

In other words, the accelerating system and the outer system will achieve a limit of stability just beneath gravitational collapse. (Unless they do collapse, in which case we have a Black Star.) This limit can be refered to as a form of "escape velocity". Beneath it, things behave one way ("What goes up must come down.") and above it, things act another ("That's one small step for man...").

Up until now, I have been discussing the rate at which things change and how this relates to pressure. Some may think that "the rate at which things change" is a fancy way of saying "the velocity of movement through the dimension of time", but some would think wrong. We need not posit a dimension to support change within a system. We only need to posit the interaction of gravitational (or electrical or magnetic or whatever) forces to show that change occurs, and then show that the pressures in the locale affect the interaction. For example: Put an egg in a pot of water and let it sit for three minutes. The egg will not be cooked. But if you change the heat energy of the water by boiling it, the egg will be cooked. The interactions of the components of the egg were affected by the water and the temperature of the water in which it was sitting.

With that said, Occam's razor applies. We can model Relativity without positing a temporal dimension. The grandfather paradox is answered by simply not being raised in the first place.

Furthermore, I still believe that faster than light travel is possible, although nothing I've said should be construed to imply a reversing of the interactions when doing so, and I only hold on to the possibility because of a rigorous method of not denying anything that I can't convincingly argue the nonexistance of.

The Twin Paradox: Does not exist

Twin A is standing still and Twin B is moving. Relative to what?

If we say they are still and moving relative to eachother then we posit nothing between them. Nothing has no properties (including distance) therefore neither is actually moving and symmetry is maintained.

If we say that B is moving within the gravitational field of A, or vice versa, then the result depends on the comparison of the gravitational fields. The stronger field is standing still while the smaller is moving because the stronger field is, y'know, stronger. If the fields are the same (two free-roaming planets in orbit around eachother), then their movement will be the same. Remember: coordinate systems are arbitrary and relative. Any attempt to view them as absolute is an error. In other words: if B is moving within A's gravitational field then A is also moving, and vice versa. Take a close look at Earth's orbit: it's wavy due to the influence of the Moon. The orbit of Earth is traced by the center of mass of the Earth and Moon. It is by the center of mass that we measure the effects upon A and B. Non-symmetrical relationships to the center have non-symmetrical results, and symmetrical relationships have symmetrical results. This is demanded by Relativity and is not a paradox.

If we posit a third inertial frame, C, in order to say that A is standing still and B is moving, then we have a non-symmetrical relationships with C and should expect non-symmetrical results, which is what we get.

And to say that C does not directly affect either A or B is to posit nothing between A and B (since C is irrelevant and superfluous) which has already been explained.

Ergo, there is no Twin Paradox.

And this shows us that the Relativity should be superceded by Network theory, not quantum theory. (Relativity talks about how things relate; networking talks about how things relate. The example with C shows this by measuring two non-related objects, A and B, through a common relation, C. In other words, C is a router between two nodes not directly connected to eachother.)

---

By the way, I'm not an expert and I don't claim to be. Please don't directly challenge my statements; I admit that I am most likely wrong. What I'm looking for is any indication that I'm right. This is a unique interpretation of Relativity and we here on this board get to be either pioneers or very smart losers by completing and proving it.

(Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Roger!)

I've been working on a font lately and it would seem that I've run out of ideas for new glyphs.

So, to inspire the vast Discordian Artisticly Disordered Army to action, I present some sample renderings.

Post anything you want included in the font as long as I can legally slap a (K) copyleft on it. Black-and-white only. (It's a font, y'know.)

(And yes, some of these are based on the works of others. The final product will have complete credits included.)

(Synaptyx: I've already included alot of your work so you may now consider it Time For Something Completely Different(TM), such as, y'know, sigilizing everything and everyone in the Principia.)

I would appreciate a really good Dobbs head, and obscure symbols not found in other fonts.

[edit: I'd appreciate EPS sources instead of renderings since the font will be a Postscript Type1.]

Based on the work of Ben: http://www.maui.net/~discord/eris/erisgal2.html

All Apostles are remembered in some sense, forgotten in some sense, never known in some sense, remembered and forgotten in some sense, remembered and never known in some sense, forgotten and never known in some sense, and remembered and forgotten and never known in some sense.

http://tinypic.com/6p511d.png

Okay, I'm writing a story. Why, I don't know. What it's about, I'm not sure. But here it is anyway...

The sections are not in order and I cannot promise that any of it will make sense or be in anyway relevant to anything.