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A new currency.

Started by Pæs, March 18, 2014, 07:39:51 PM

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LMNO

Mmmm.  So good.  I daresay, your ability to write dialog is pretty damn good.

Eater of Clowns

Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 25, 2014, 11:59:33 AM
Mmmm.  So good.  I daresay, your ability to write dialog is pretty damn good.

Thank you! Someone else on PD told me that a while back and I really appreciate it.

I'm trying to get Lara's word choice just a little off, in a non-native English speaker way. Luckily from being in a Colombian family for half my life I have some experience with how it sounds.  :lulz:
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Good Reverend Roger

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on July 25, 2014, 12:48:03 PM

Thank you! Someone else on PD told me that a while back and I really appreciate it.

I think that was me.  Dialogue is a bitch.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

minuspace

Quote from: Eater of Clowns on July 25, 2014, 12:48:03 PM
Quote from: LMNO, PhD (life continues) on July 25, 2014, 11:59:33 AM
Mmmm.  So good.  I daresay, your ability to write dialog is pretty damn good.

Thank you! Someone else on PD told me that a while back and I really appreciate it.

I'm trying to get Lara's word choice just a little off, in a non-native English speaker way. Luckily from being in a Colombian family for half my life I have some experience with how it sounds.  :lulz:

I don't even know how to format dialog, please.  Lara's sentence construction was great.  One (the only) possible opportunity for further inflection I thought of was when:

"like any sane person would"

In Latin languages "sane" literally means whole, so they usually qualify the psychological condition:

"like any mentally sane person would"

Is maybe an opportunity for a funny, however it might interfere with the flow of her cadence.  I just like contributing to this thread, don't mind me. :lulz:

hirley0

Yeah : it only took about 30,000 mS's for the prior post

Eater of Clowns

"I've been thinking about you."

"I know you have."

"A lot. All the time, actually."

"Well I'm waiting. What else can I do?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"So what happens now?"

"We pick up where we left off? A triumphant heist, a mentor gone mad, a convergence."

"If that's how you want to do it. What then? Hero gets the girl? Deus ex machina? All is right in the world?"

"That's not the kind of story this is."

"I know that."

"Right. Right of course you would. Listen, about all that time. Things happen, you know, life gets in the way, and when it gets harder and harder to keep going you wonder why you do it at all, if you're up to it. If you're good enough."

"Mmhmm."

"I don't think I'm good enough."

"Mmhmm."

"What is that? What's that 'mmhmm'?"

"I just wonder if maybe you think it's me that's not good enough."

"Oh."

"That's not a no."

"No. No, it isn't."

"No it isn't."

"I guess I have a lot to think about."

"Or maybe you don't."

"Que?"

"Maybe you're thinking about it too much. Maybe that's the problem."

"I gotta be me."

"I see."

"You see. Thanks for the insight."

"You got a lazy response for a lazy response. You 'gotta be you?' What kind of bullshit is that? You're going to leave me behind because of some perceived self inferiority? It's you, of course it's you, but you don't have to be that way. You're choosing to be and blaming it on your nature because it's easier than admitting the truth:  nothing is stopping you, you're just giving up."

"I got a lot to think about."

"That's exactly the problem!"

"Okay! Okay I get it. Enough, for now."

"I agree."

"I'll see you, then?"

"I'm not going anywhere."
Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

Eater of Clowns

She took off with expert heel shod strides before I even finished standing. "We do not have much time," she said again. She pulled out her phone from the clutch and began dialing. It rang and when the other end answered she spoke, her Spanish flowing, its pace the same as her English but smoother, less awkward. More than ever I wished I understood it. She hung up and turned sharply to the right.

"We are lucky," she said.

The last week struck my mind like a sledgehammer. "W-we are?"

She laughed. "We are very lucky! There is a rental shop still open. The hotel manager is going to call ahead for us as a favor. I knew flirting with him would pay off." She stopped and looked at me for a moment, a look of scrutiny, like she was seeing me for the first time. "I hope they have something in your size. Most men here they are a bit..."

"Shorter?" I said.

"Broader."

"Oh."

She hurried on through the streets and I followed and this was Colombia. It was rails of barbed wire and beautiful people painting the blurs of my vision, towed by family, or the occasional malevolent godlike being, or worse, this smirking woman. I knew so little of it. I knew so little of her.

"So have you always lived in Bogota, or..." I said.

"Now? You ask me this now?"

"We aren't doing anything."

"You aren't doing anything! I am planning to steal one of the most precious artifacts of my country's history!"

"Oh."

"I am from Cali," she said.

"Ah. El Gato del Rio, the barrio Normandia," I said, remembering two weeks ago that was more like a year.

"You have been? I grew up a long way from the barrio Normandia. It was not so nice. It is not safe there now, but then it was worse.  It was a dangerous time for Colombia, a bad time."

I stayed quiet.

"My mother was a maid for a wealthy family," she went on, "she stayed there most nights. They were kind. They paid for me to go to the German school and I went from there to university in Canada."

"What brought you to Bogota?"

"Work," she said.

I laughed. "Better thieving in the capital?"

"I was not always a thief, J," she said quietly. She quickened her pace.

I limped after, cursing myself. There was too much I did not understand.

Quote from: Pippa Twiddleton on December 22, 2012, 01:06:36 AM
EoC, you are the bane of my existence.

Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on March 07, 2014, 01:18:23 AM
EoC doesn't make creepy.

EoC makes creepy worse.

Quote
the afflicted persons get hold of and consume carrots even in socially quite unacceptable situations.

The Wizard Joseph

Neat! Looking forward to more señor!
You can't get out backward.  You have to go forward to go back.. better press on! - Willie Wonka, PBUH

Life can be seen as a game with no reset button, no extra lives, and if the power goes out there is no restarting.  If that's all you see life as you are not long for this world, and never will get it.

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