One Millennial's Experience of a Lifetime.

[Suu]

(Warning: I spewed this on Facebook in response to the graduation from every grade bullshit. This is what happened, with no coffee.)

Preschool is arguably cute. The kid has no idea what's going on and its 99% for the parents. But when you get into grade school, and you have these step-up ceremonies, what are you teaching your kids? My brother had to repeat 2nd grade, what happens to him? Oh wait, nothing, because of NCLB. You're making these kids entitled, til when they get into middle school, and realize they aren't getting a cookie for advancing to 7th grade, and they're surrounded by kids with uncontrollable hormone changes and the like becoming little balls of hate rage. I know this, I was a little ball of hate rage in middle school, and suddenly there's no more pats on the back or smiley face stickers when you get a C on the math test. Now it's referrals to the office when you blow a fit, and detention, and your parents coming in to yell at the teacher for giving their special snowflake a C in math.

Then finally, they're rewarded with an 8th grade graduation, ya fucking hoo, you got out of the bootcamp that is middle school and we're throwing you into the lion's den.

Now it's no longer a cookie at the end of the year, it's a, "You need to pass or you don't get into college or do anything when you grow up." The pressure is on. Life isn't fun anymore, the kids are mean, you've been rewarded with everything up until now and then suddenly it's all on you. All those trophies they gave you for showing up to soccer don't mean a thing when you try out for the school team and don't make it, because you suck, but you've been told your entire life that you're a WINNER and YOU ARE A STAR! Suddenly, your parents can't help you anymore, the coach laughs in their face when they go to fight for your slot on the soccer team. You're not doing so hot in Algebra 2, which is a requirement for graduation, but you don't ask for help, assuming that your ingrained entitlement will save you. Your parents bitch, but there's nothing they can do, and you're put into remedial math classes to help, which slows down your progress toward a college-ready diploma, and your guidance counselor keeps shoving this in your face. "GET INTO COLLEGE."

That's all she cares about, because it's a statistic. You begin to wonder if college isn't really for you, but you apply and apply, because you were told to do so, and aren't accepted into any of them but the local expensive tech school and the University of Phoenix online, both of which tell you that you need to pay with every student loan you are eligible for or they can't accept you. Frantic, you sign your life away on Promissory Notes and finally walk across the stage. Your parents are so happy, you graduated high school and got into "college." They're telling all of their friends of your great accomplishments, and you seem to coast through whatever online class Phoenix throws at you, because they're designed to be easy so they keep getting more of your money.

In 4 years you have to fly out to Arizona, on your own dime, to walk across the stage or they won't give you your diploma. So you do that, your parents fronting the bill because DIPLOMA TIME AGAIN, and you walk and you get that expensive piece of paper so you can be qualified to work, so you start applying for jobs, because these loans are expensive and you have to pay them off. Unfortunately, a lot of places aren't sure about your degree's accreditation, and continue to pass over your application for others from viable institutions. This depresses you, and you sit at home, your mother comforting you.

Finally, you get a call back, it's a retail position, but it's SOMETHING to "hold you over" until the big one hits, you tell yourself. So you stop applying for other jobs, and just work...for 2 years at minimum wage, with tiny raises here and there to help offset the cost of living, but you're still living at home, because your loans are killing you. You're already behind on payments, and your credit rating is shot, so you can't get a car, or an apartment, not that you could afford one anyway at your meager wages and loan payments. Your parents are getting frustrated, and you know you need to do better. Finally, after 2 years, your boss promotes you to assistant manager. It comes with a raise to $11 an hour, and you immediately become super excited, YOU DID IT!

The next day, you expect to come into work to cake and a party and a ceremony to "step up" to assistant manager, but instead, you find a new set of keys and a stack of paperwork, oh, and one of the employees that was caught stealing from the register. You need to figure this out, you're told, because the manager is playing in a golf tournament today. Holding back tears that you weren't rewarded for your great accomplishment, you perform your duties as requested. Then on the way home, you stop by the gun shop, because you'll show them what you deserve, rightfully! Unfortunately, your credit is too bad to purchase an AR-15, and the tears in your eyes tell the clerk that you probably shouldn't be filling out the forms for a background check right now, anyway.

So you go home, and your mother comforts you again.

Welcome to the American Dream, Special Snowflake.



TL,DR: This is how my mind works on half a cup of coffee 30mins after I wake up.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

The cause of failure in this machine is self-evident.

Hopeful young applicant was honest on their resume.

[Suu]

The cause of failure in this machine is self-evident.

Hopeful young applicant was honest on their resume.

Rule 1 of all good resumes: Lie.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Awesome insight into how I always imagined my life should have been if I'd reacted correctly to the education system. I figured I'd missed out on a good head start in life but you paint a different picture. Education for me was being put in a big cage with a ton of violent assholes. Graduation was outscoring the majority of my peers in violence and assholiness.

I still think I would have been better off learning the classroom stuff but your account narrows the margin of doubt 

[hooplala]

I've always told the truth on my resumes... what a rube I've been!

[P3nT4gR4m]

My resumes could only be considered honestly informative if I'd been applying for a position writing creative fiction.

[Junkenstein]

Do they teach you children nothing at all nowadays?

Seriously, if your CV isn't a tissue of lies you're doing something wrong.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Do they teach you children nothing at all nowadays?

Seriously, if your CV isn't a tissue of lies you're doing something wrong.

Or you're doing something right and actually, you know, gaining skills and accomplishing something with your life you can be proud of.

Or you can just lie.

[Junkenstein]

There's the difference. I'm the skills I'm interested in gaining and what I'm accomplishing has absolutely no bearing on what I do for currency.

If you want a job in a field you love, sure, honesty is probably the way to go as you'll be found out probably at an inconvenient time.

If you're just after money, a job is means to an end and little more. As long as you're competent enough to do it, I see no moral issue with adding an extra year to meet the "5 years experience in X" mandatory requirement, particularly when you already have 4. 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There's the difference. I'm the skills I'm interested in gaining and what I'm accomplishing has absolutely no bearing on what I do for currency.

If you want a job in a field you love, sure, honesty is probably the way to go as you'll be found out probably at an inconvenient time.

If you're just after money, a job is means to an end and little more. As long as you're competent enough to do it, I see no moral issue with adding an extra year to meet the "5 years experience in X" mandatory requirement, particularly when you already have 4.

Who said anything about morals? If padding your CV will get you a job you are confident you can do, great... but if you actually can't do it and get fired, you aren't getting yourself ahead. Even if you're just working for the money and don't care about your job, getting ahead is kind of the idea. If you're a college grad -- hell, if you're ANYONE over 18, and you HAVEN'T been doing stuff you can somehow spin to look good on a resume without outright fabricating experience you don't have, you're not smart enough to pull off lying anyway.

[Luna]

Also, "lied on the resume" can be used as a valid excuse to fire someone, even if they have been perfect in the job since day one, at least in most states.  I haven't researched them all.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Also, "lied on the resume" can be used as a valid excuse to fire someone, even if they have been perfect in the job since day one, at least in most states.  I haven't researched them all.

A crafty employer will research this before they hire someone, so they have an ace in the hole. If the person works out, awesome. If not, you can cut them loose at any time for no reason, in most cases without notice.

[hooplala]

Ok seriously, all jokes aside (haha)... how prevalent is lying on resumes/CVs?  If I've been telling the truth like a naive fool all these years, while everyone else has been getting sweet gigs, I am going to be pretty severely pissed at everyone I know personally.

This doesn't really happen all that often, does it?

[Junkenstein]

Aha! I knew this thread was somewhere!

Nigel - I guess I've always viewed accomplishing something with your life as a moral imperative, even if that something is nothing more than be as happy as possible for as long as possible. Total tangent there, apologies.

Lying on CV's - From being in various positions where I've needed to find/hire a bunch of people, the blunt reality is that your workload will dictate how much time you actually spend checking out references in detail and such. I'm mainly talking about smaller firms here that don't have dedicated HR departments. Even the ones that do are run by people and if you don't make their job hard or have a story that's too outrageous you won't get a second glance. Anecdotal, but I've got a bunch of stuff here but I'd say it's pretty damn common.

Due to UK employment laws being the joke that they are, how well new employees are/are not treated varies incredibly from company to company. This seems to have no bearing to numbers of forms filled in on joining and mandatory inductions and such. It's an area of astonishing bureaucracy that's always fascinated me.

Also, "lied on the resume" can be used as a valid excuse to fire someone, even if they have been perfect in the job since day one, at least in most states.  I haven't researched them all.

A crafty employer will research this before they hire someone, so they have an ace in the hole. If the person works out, awesome. If not, you can cut them loose at any time for no reason, in most cases without notice.

Yes, very much so here. And it goes considerably further than that too. Again anecdotal shit but that's very much O:M territory and I'd still redact a chunk.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Ok seriously, all jokes aside (haha)... how prevalent is lying on resumes/CVs?  If I've been telling the truth like a naive fool all these years, while everyone else has been getting sweet gigs, I am going to be pretty severely pissed at everyone I know personally.

This doesn't really happen all that often, does it?

It's how I got where I am today.

Dead serious.