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[Doktor Howl]

Oy, in completely unrelated news, my friend and I just caught a well known "academic" of Roman hair stealing her work on jewelry. She made a video of a tutorial and posted it on Youtube without crediting Konstantia. I called her out on it, and had my post completely deleted. Konstantia took a passive approach, and posted links to her own tutorial, and they were never approved to be shown. Now we have screenshots.

Ruining somebody's career in 3...2...1...

Sounds like she ruined it herself.

[Suu]

Oy, in completely unrelated news, my friend and I just caught a well known "academic" of Roman hair stealing her work on jewelry. She made a video of a tutorial and posted it on Youtube without crediting Konstantia. I called her out on it, and had my post completely deleted. Konstantia took a passive approach, and posted links to her own tutorial, and they were never approved to be shown. Now we have screenshots.

Ruining somebody's career in 3...2...1...

Sounds like she ruined it herself.

She's playing nice for now. She's sending her a message about it. If it can't  be cleared up this way, then it's going to the next level.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That is rough, you have my sympathy.

Thank you.

Reality sometimes has horrible timing.

In the spirit of unsolicited advice (about the situation in general, I won't presume to talk about your family):
Fuck 'em, Everyone is allowed to have their own way of helping people. If they don't want advice they shouldn't go to those who give advice.
If you walk into an electronics store really needing shoes the odds that you will leave with electronics are a lot greater than the odds that you will leave with a new pair of shoes.

Well, in this case, the advice was unsolicited, in the same manner that yelling "LOOK OUT" to a person stepping into traffic is unsolicited.  She and a friend came up with an idea that SOUNDS workable (getting an apartment together), because she doesn't know exactly how much money it takes to get by.  Her grief with me was because I told her the simple facts (cost of living in Tucson is approximately 3.5 X basic rent), and then I did something unforgivable.

The situation is that her friend's family is moving a couple of hundred miles away, to a dinky fucking town in the middle of nowhere.  A shitty little desert town in which her friend will have no prospects at all.

So the unforgivable thing I did was offer to let her friend move into the spare room next to my daughter's (her friend is a nice, very funny young lady who damn near lives here anyway).

I am a tyrant of the first order.

In my experience, which admittedly is not extensive, children that age, and particularly girls, are near-intolerable to live with. They DEMAND you respect them, and if you try to help them or give them advice then you are A CONDESCENDING ASSHOLE. Beside, you're AN IDIOT AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

If you're right, it wounds their ego and they get even madder.

Needless to say, this respect thing isn't a two-way street, and they will make it very clear that you are a completely unreasonable bumbling oaf who can clearly barely manage to do totally ordinary reasonable things like pay the mortgage and keep the kitchen clean.

It is my belief that this occurs to make it easier for them to leave the nest and GO SOMEWHERE ELSE without anyone getting too unduly heartbroken over the new living arrangements.

My approach to the utterly unreasonable demands of living with older teenage girls is to try to maintain a placid, numbed-out Zen in which I don't take anything personally. They always, no matter what kind of huge inconsiderate bitches they've been to me recently, come around and want a hug a few days later. When I've been wrong (and there are times when I lose my shit at them) I apologize. They occasionally do, too. Mostly I just try to be the adult I WANT them to be, and wait for the brilliant day when they get jobs and move the fuck out.

So, that's my short-term goal. And it will happen, eventually. But that's just the beginning of phase 2.

One of the hardest things for human beings to do is admit that they were wrong. So, what happens for maybe 90% of teenagers after they move out is that they completely and utterly fuck up their financial situation. They oversleep and get fired, they underestimate living expenses, they spend all their money on going  out, their roommate doesn't pay rent, they forget to pay the electric bill... you know the drill. And here's where it gets sticky. Because, (and this might not be true for you but it's true for most parents) you don't want them to move back in. Oh GOD, how you don't want them to move back in. But if you bail them out, it won't end there. Or possibly ever... and you don't want to end up with a 35-year-old who still asks for money to cover their rent shortfalls. So you have to draw a line, and IMO the best place to draw that line is "I will bail you out ONCE. After that, you are welcome to move back into your old room until you're ready to give living on your own another shot". And then stick with it. When you refuse to bail them out a second time, expect to be treated like a selfish asshole and guilt-tripped, hard. Remain cheerful and unmoved. They usually WILL NOT admit to having been wrong at this point, and often not until years later. EVERYTHING WILL BE SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT AND LIFE ISN'T FAIR AND YOU'RE SO MEAN.

Yes, this means that they may end up breaking a lease and fucking up their credit. And it means they may end up back in your house for a while. The good news is, they're young, they can recover from it. And in a year when they've paid off whatever their fuck up cost them, they can move out again, armed with a slightly more realistic view of what it takes to live on their own.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oy, in completely unrelated news, my friend and I just caught a well known "academic" of Roman hair stealing her work on jewelry. She made a video of a tutorial and posted it on Youtube without crediting Konstantia. I called her out on it, and had my post completely deleted. Konstantia took a passive approach, and posted links to her own tutorial, and they were never approved to be shown. Now we have screenshots.

Ruining somebody's career in 3...2...1...

Sounds like she ruined it herself.

She's playing nice for now. She's sending her a message about it. If it can't  be cleared up this way, then it's going to the next level.

I'm stunned she's willing to risk gaining a reputation as a plagiarist rather than simply editing a credit into the video. What a dumbass.

[Doktor Howl]

That is rough, you have my sympathy.

Thank you.

Reality sometimes has horrible timing.

In the spirit of unsolicited advice (about the situation in general, I won't presume to talk about your family):
Fuck 'em, Everyone is allowed to have their own way of helping people. If they don't want advice they shouldn't go to those who give advice.
If you walk into an electronics store really needing shoes the odds that you will leave with electronics are a lot greater than the odds that you will leave with a new pair of shoes.

Well, in this case, the advice was unsolicited, in the same manner that yelling "LOOK OUT" to a person stepping into traffic is unsolicited.  She and a friend came up with an idea that SOUNDS workable (getting an apartment together), because she doesn't know exactly how much money it takes to get by.  Her grief with me was because I told her the simple facts (cost of living in Tucson is approximately 3.5 X basic rent), and then I did something unforgivable.

The situation is that her friend's family is moving a couple of hundred miles away, to a dinky fucking town in the middle of nowhere.  A shitty little desert town in which her friend will have no prospects at all.

So the unforgivable thing I did was offer to let her friend move into the spare room next to my daughter's (her friend is a nice, very funny young lady who damn near lives here anyway).

I am a tyrant of the first order.

In my experience, which admittedly is not extensive, children that age, and particularly girls, are near-intolerable to live with. They DEMAND you respect them, and if you try to help them or give them advice then you are A CONDESCENDING ASSHOLE. Beside, you're AN IDIOT AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

If you're right, it wounds their ego and they get even madder.

Needless to say, this respect thing isn't a two-way street, and they will make it very clear that you are a completely unreasonable bumbling oaf who can clearly barely manage to do totally ordinary reasonable things like pay the mortgage and keep the kitchen clean.

It is my belief that this occurs to make it easier for them to leave the nest and GO SOMEWHERE ELSE without anyone getting too unduly heartbroken over the new living arrangements.

My approach to the utterly unreasonable demands of living with older teenage girls is to try to maintain a placid, numbed-out Zen in which I don't take anything personally. They always, no matter what kind of huge inconsiderate bitches they've been to me recently, come around and want a hug a few days later. When I've been wrong (and there are times when I lose my shit at them) I apologize. They occasionally do, too. Mostly I just try to be the adult I WANT them to be, and wait for the brilliant day when they get jobs and move the fuck out.

So, that's my short-term goal. And it will happen, eventually. But that's just the beginning of phase 2.

One of the hardest things for human beings to do is admit that they were wrong. So, what happens for maybe 90% of teenagers after they move out is that they completely and utterly fuck up their financial situation. They oversleep and get fired, they underestimate living expenses, they spend all their money on going  out, their roommate doesn't pay rent, they forget to pay the electric bill... you know the drill. And here's where it gets sticky. Because, (and this might not be true for you but it's true for most parents) you don't want them to move back in. Oh GOD, how you don't want them to move back in. But if you bail them out, it won't end there. Or possibly ever... and you don't want to end up with a 35-year-old who still asks for money to cover their rent shortfalls. So you have to draw a line, and IMO the best place to draw that line is "I will bail you out ONCE. After that, you are welcome to move back into your old room until you're ready to give living on your own another shot". And then stick with it. When you refuse to bail them out a second time, expect to be treated like a selfish asshole and guilt-tripped, hard. Remain cheerful and unmoved. They usually WILL NOT admit to having been wrong at this point, and often not until years later. EVERYTHING WILL BE SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT AND LIFE ISN'T FAIR AND YOU'RE SO MEAN.

Yes, this means that they may end up breaking a lease and fucking up their credit. And it means they may end up back in your house for a while. The good news is, they're young, they can recover from it. And in a year when they've paid off whatever their fuck up cost them, they can move out again, armed with a slightly more realistic view of what it takes to live on their own.

Thank you.  It's certainly worth thinking about.  But if she thinks I'm going to co-sign a lease, she's on crack.  My credit is just now coming back into something slightly above "Hit this man with a shovel if he asks for a loan".

I think my principle mistake was letting her fuck off until her ship date.  It worked well for her brother, but they are very different people.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

When's her ship date?

Sounds like the military will be VERY good for her.

If there's enough time left, I think my best suggestion is to encourage her to get a job. And don't bother giving her advice; instead, whatever idea she comes up with, encourage her to "look into it", and tell her that if she needs help figuring anything out or finds something confusing you'd be happy to help her sort through it.

As for co-signing a lease

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah no.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There are usually shitty undersized shared-bathroom month-to-months available near universities. Every young person needs the experience of living in a closet-sized cockroach-infested studio with a two-burner stove.

[Doktor Howl]

There are usually shitty undersized shared-bathroom month-to-months available near universities. Every young person needs the experience of living in a closet-sized cockroach-infested studio with a two-burner stove.

You make an excellent point.

Of course, she'll get burglarized and lose a ton of electronic doodads, none of which I am inclined to replace.

[Doktor Howl]

When's her ship date?

Sounds like the military will be VERY good for her.

If there's enough time left, I think my best suggestion is to encourage her to get a job. And don't bother giving her advice; instead, whatever idea she comes up with, encourage her to "look into it", and tell her that if she needs help figuring anything out or finds something confusing you'd be happy to help her sort through it.

As for co-signing a lease

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah no.

May of 2015.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

When's her ship date?

Sounds like the military will be VERY good for her.

If there's enough time left, I think my best suggestion is to encourage her to get a job. And don't bother giving her advice; instead, whatever idea she comes up with, encourage her to "look into it", and tell her that if she needs help figuring anything out or finds something confusing you'd be happy to help her sort through it.

As for co-signing a lease

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah no.

May of 2015.

Oh god yeah, she should get a job.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

There are usually shitty undersized shared-bathroom month-to-months available near universities. Every young person needs the experience of living in a closet-sized cockroach-infested studio with a two-burner stove.

You make an excellent point.

Of course, she'll get burglarized and lose a ton of electronic doodads, none of which I am inclined to replace.

YEP.

Learning through experience is very, very valuable.

[Eater of Clowns]

Alty can't leave Alaska because Alty IS Alaska. Like the world is bore upon the back of a giant turtle, so is Alaska carried by Alty's slim frame.

And so Alty, the Caribou-Carrier, is always angry, because the Aleutian Islands are jabbing him something fierce in the arse.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Can't blame him for that, I suppose.

[Chelagoras The Boulder]

Currently all inside my head about various shitty thoughts that keep swirling around in my head. Almost posted them here, but they seemed too depressing.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Aw.