My Unrepentant Evil and Lack of Common Courtesy

[Doktor Howl]

It has dawned on me that I don't meet everyone's standards.  That I am the go-to badguy for things that I had very little or no hand in.  That I can't be trusted with Nice Things, because people with a proven track record of abuse might not like me having those Nice Things, and I'd probably just poop all over those Nice Things if I WERE allowed to have them.

Needless to say, this is very distressing to me, and sometimes I weep big evil tears when nobody is looking.   

Wait, no, actually I don't.  I should, but I don't.  No, instead, I laugh my ass off like the complete bastard that I am, and chalk up the people who say such things as being complete fucking knob ends who probably never puked in a punch bowl in their entire lives.

Then I sneak into orphanages and piss on the beds while the little bastards are changing bobbins in the mill.  I will, one day, piss on YOUR bed, too.  Even if you're not an orphan.  I know where everyone lives; I am connected to the internet.

Why do I do all these horrible things?  Obviously because I was born wrong.  I'm one of Those Guys.  The Other Guys...And when I'M not being a prick, I'm focusing my mind lazors on other people and making them be pricks.

Or, wait, I have also been told that I slavishly do whatever Nigel tells me to do.  So maybe I'M not the prick, maybe SHE is.  When I am told these sorts of things by people, I am expected to immediately side against her to prove how unbiased I really am, deep down inside.  But since I am the root of all evil, I do not do this...Instead, I typically laugh and tell these people to fuck right off.  Nigel is my friend, but the reason I typically agree with her is because she's typically RIGHT.  This seems to bother the small testicle crowd, her being right while in flagrant possession of a vagina.  This amuses me to no fucking end, of course, which only makes my behavior worse.

I realize that this behavior bothers a certain type of person, the sort of person who disapproves of me on account of disapproving of me.  One day, when I am even older and more decrepit than I am now, I may regret this, and spend my final hours on my deathbed contorted in guilt while shitting the bed.

But that day has not come.

So, you know, shut up.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I despair of ever being worthy of as secure a monkey cage as you will be, once they finally realize they need to lock us all up.

It's like you don't even care about how much you are oppressing them by hurting their feelings over something you weren't even involved in. The audacity of it all!


(p.s. I haven't been keeping up, so if this is about a specific incident on the board, then I don't yet know about it)

[Doktor Howl]

I despair of ever being worthy of as secure a monkey cage as you will be, once they finally realize they need to lock us all up.

Electrified bars and thorazine in my water trough.  JELLUS?

It's like you don't even care about how much you are oppressing them by hurting their feelings over something you weren't even involved in. The audacity of it all!

I can't stop myself.  It is a compulsion to which I am ENSLAVED.

(p.s. I haven't been keeping up, so if this is about a specific incident on the board, then I don't yet know about it)

Naw.  Just catching a whiff of it in a couple of threads, is all.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I despair of ever being worthy of as secure a monkey cage as you will be, once they finally realize they need to lock us all up.

Electrified bars and thorazine in my water trough.  JELLUS?

I just get the shock collar. They won't even let me put rhinestones on it.

It's like you don't even care about how much you are oppressing them by hurting their feelings over something you weren't even involved in. The audacity of it all!

I can't stop myself.  It is a compulsion to which I am ENSLAVED.

It really is completely unfair of them to keep triggering your addiction like that. All they'd have to do is stop licking the windows for like five goddamn minutes.

[Doktor Howl]

I despair of ever being worthy of as secure a monkey cage as you will be, once they finally realize they need to lock us all up.

Electrified bars and thorazine in my water trough.  JELLUS?

I just get the shock collar. They won't even let me put rhinestones on it.

It's like you don't even care about how much you are oppressing them by hurting their feelings over something you weren't even involved in. The audacity of it all!

I can't stop myself.  It is a compulsion to which I am ENSLAVED.

It really is completely unfair of them to keep triggering your addiction like that. All they'd have to do is stop licking the windows for like five goddamn minutes.

I'd just take the time to put epicac on the windows.  You know that.

[Cainad (dec.)]

 

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE

IS IT ME CONTROLLING YOU CONTROLLING EVERYBODY ELSE, OR YOU CONTROLLING ME CONTROLLING EVERYBODY ELSE?

AND WHY DID YOU LET ME TURN /B/EARMAN, WHO TOTALLY WAS NOT IN ANY WAY ALREADY TROLLING HFT WHEN YOU FOUND HIM, INTO A TROLLING BASTARD?

AND STELLA

STELLA, WHO WAS A PERFECTLY INNOCENT PLACID HOUSEWIFE WHO WORE LIPSTICK, OBEYED HER MAN AND MADE SAMMICHES ON COMMAND WHILE PREGNANT, BAREFOOT AND UNQUESTIONING IN THE KITCHEN, LOOK WHAT KIND OF OPINIONATED BITCH YOU'VE TURNED HER INTO. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! YOU KNOW NO ORDINARY WOMAN WOULD HAVE HER OWN OPINIONS OR HAVE THE NERVE TO BE VOCAL ABOUT THEM IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUR MIND LAZORS CONTROLLING ME CONTROLLING HER OR VISE VERSA.

YOU MONSTER!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Even if you never posted in that thread at all, it would still be your fault. It has been before, admit it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Just like it's my fault when Stella starts hatin' on people in order to win my approval pre-emptively, while I'm still defending them and haven't figured out I despise them yet...

OH SHIT

MAYBE IT'S ALL STELLA'S MIND LAZORS. 

[McGrupp]

Groupthink is so prevalent these days, it's everywhere you go.

Just the other day I walked into a restaurant and punched every single patron in the face. Without exception they all got mad and yelled at me. I was all "Why don't you think for yourself, stupid sheeple!" It's just really sad when no one has their own opinion.

[Ben Shapiro]

YOU FOOLS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNgxyL5zEAk

[Ben Shapiro]

Groupthink is so prevalent these days, it's everywhere you go.

Just the other day I walked into a restaurant and punched every single patron in the face. Without exception they all got mad and yelled at me. I was all "Why don't you think for yourself, stupid sheeple!" It's just really sad when no one has read their own opinion Fountain Head.

[Doktor Howl]

I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE

IS IT ME CONTROLLING YOU CONTROLLING EVERYBODY ELSE, OR YOU CONTROLLING ME CONTROLLING EVERYBODY ELSE?

AND WHY DID YOU LET ME TURN /B/EARMAN, WHO TOTALLY WAS NOT IN ANY WAY ALREADY TROLLING HFT WHEN YOU FOUND HIM, INTO A TROLLING BASTARD?

AND STELLA

STELLA, WHO WAS A PERFECTLY INNOCENT PLACID HOUSEWIFE WHO WORE LIPSTICK, OBEYED HER MAN AND MADE SAMMICHES ON COMMAND WHILE PREGNANT, BAREFOOT AND UNQUESTIONING IN THE KITCHEN, LOOK WHAT KIND OF OPINIONATED BITCH YOU'VE TURNED HER INTO. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED! YOU KNOW NO ORDINARY WOMAN WOULD HAVE HER OWN OPINIONS OR HAVE THE NERVE TO BE VOCAL ABOUT THEM IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOUR MIND LAZORS CONTROLLING ME CONTROLLING HER OR VISE VERSA.

YOU MONSTER!

I GOTTTTAAAA BEEE MEEEEEEEE!

[Doktor Howl]

Even if you never posted in that thread at all, it would still be your fault. It has been before, admit it.

BAD ROGER, NO HORRORSEX.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

IT'S THE HIVE MIND.
LIKE BEES.
LIKE THIS:


AND WHEN WE HAVE SERVED OUR PURPOSE, NIGEL WILL SMASH US ALL. ON A DESK.
AND WE'RE OK WITH THAT.