The City that Ate People #3 : They sold Providence

[Richter]

Providence provides.

It sends my 911 truthers to growl down.  It sends aspies to the medieval club so I have perspective on how bent I was once.  It sends me muggers to scare the pance off of every so often, or to collect my life when my time is done.  It has placed me amongst my people, who do not wince but ENCOURAGE as we plan a cuttlefish abortion cultist stage show.

I am exactly when I need to be.  Even if I leave, I won't.  This shit, which I live for, will stalk me until I am gone.

That said, this place is selling itself off.  The city can't see the importance of it's own infrastructure, you see.  It is stymied by budgets, drained by their own BS, and shouted down by the NIMBY hordes when they try to put in more.  OH yes, there are those most special filth too, the "Concered".  So the city did the only thing it could, it began selling itself.

Imagine a blushing - faced innocent; forced by the harsh world to the street-corner.  No deeds are bought and scuttled off to be done in provate though, the bashful neophyte brandishes a knife, and publicly hacks off random portions when a john shows up with money.  Dripping gore, still displaying the flensing tool, it turns back to the street and asks "WHO'S NEXT?"  Social improvement by ling-chi?

A school, whose name is the color of shit, owns many street on college hill now.  A local businessman, brusque and professional but a good guy actually, owns his corner, and paves the roads himself in the city's stead.  The naysayers, the NIMBY, and the "concered" are told to fuck off.  It's not their property, after all.

For the moment, it works.  It would NEVER go bad, would it?

[Left]

A school, whose name is the color of shit, owns many street on college hill now.  A local businessman, brusque and professional but a good guy actually, owns his corner, and paves the roads himself in the city's stead.  The naysayers, the NIMBY, and the "concered" are told to fuck off.  It's not their property, after all.

For the moment, it works.  It would NEVER go bad, would it?

How do you impress advertising into pavement?

[Doktor Howl]

A school, whose name is the color of shit, owns many street on college hill now.  A local businessman, brusque and professional but a good guy actually, owns his corner, and paves the roads himself in the city's stead.  The naysayers, the NIMBY, and the "concered" are told to fuck off.  It's not their property, after all.

For the moment, it works.  It would NEVER go bad, would it?

How do you impress advertising into pavement?

When it comes to Richter, you're better off not knowing.  Seriously.  Once you know, you can't un-know...You can only spend the rest of your life TRYING TO FORGET.

[Cardinal Pizza Deliverance.]

Under those streets lie the bodies of the unfit. When their bones melt through the asphalt to ascend, screaming for justice, then he repaves. Pouring hot asphalt down to cover his unsightly crimes . . .

Or, y' know, he just doesn't want the street to clash with his grass.

[Eater of Clowns]

I remember going to Thayer St. when I was like 13 and it was filled with bikers and panhandlers and scenesters.  The place was filled with skate shops and record stores.  Now it's a bunch of Brown kids pretending to be poor and Urban Outfitters.  There are a few relics, like that surplus store where Dok dug up a longcoat and some goggles, but you don't see the street line with motorcycles much anymore.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.

[Suu]

I remember going to Thayer St. when I was like 13 and it was filled with bikers and panhandlers and scenesters.  The place was filled with skate shops and record stores.  Now it's a bunch of Brown kids pretending to be poor and Urban Outfitters.  There are a few relics, like that surplus store where Dok dug up a longcoat and some goggles, but you don't see the street line with motorcycles much anymore.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.

The color of shit.

I hate that part of the city.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I remember going to Thayer St. when I was like 13 and it was filled with bikers and panhandlers and scenesters.  The place was filled with skate shops and record stores.  Now it's a bunch of Brown kids pretending to be poor and Urban Outfitters.  There are a few relics, like that surplus store where Dok dug up a longcoat and some goggles, but you don't see the street line with motorcycles much anymore.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.

It took me several seconds to parse this correctly, and at first I was all 

[Eater of Clowns]

I remember going to Thayer St. when I was like 13 and it was filled with bikers and panhandlers and scenesters.  The place was filled with skate shops and record stores.  Now it's a bunch of Brown kids pretending to be poor and Urban Outfitters.  There are a few relics, like that surplus store where Dok dug up a longcoat and some goggles, but you don't see the street line with motorcycles much anymore.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.

It took me several seconds to parse this correctly, and at first I was all 

And then they graduate and all the Brown kids take all our jobs, Nigel.  And they have babies that will probably be Brown people.

You don't even know, Nigel.  I just hate Brown people.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I remember going to Thayer St. when I was like 13 and it was filled with bikers and panhandlers and scenesters.  The place was filled with skate shops and record stores.  Now it's a bunch of Brown kids pretending to be poor and Urban Outfitters.  There are a few relics, like that surplus store where Dok dug up a longcoat and some goggles, but you don't see the street line with motorcycles much anymore.  Wouldn't want to offend anyone.

It took me several seconds to parse this correctly, and at first I was all 

And then they graduate and all the Brown kids take all our jobs, Nigel.  And they have babies that will probably be Brown people.

You don't even know, Nigel.  I just hate Brown people.

[Suu]

Brown has a different meaning in Providence.

[Richter]

Under those streets lie the bodies of the unfit. When their bones melt through the asphalt to ascend, screaming for justice, then he repaves. Pouring hot asphalt down to cover his unsightly crimes . . .

Or, y' know, he just doesn't want the street to clash with his grass.

except their is no grass.  And no trees.  Those are always the first to go.

[Doktor Howl]

Brown has a different meaning in Providence.

Well, yes, that's the joke.

[Richter]

A school, whose name is the color of shit, owns many street on college hill now.  A local businessman, brusque and professional but a good guy actually, owns his corner, and paves the roads himself in the city's stead.  The naysayers, the NIMBY, and the "concered" are told to fuck off.  It's not their property, after all.

For the moment, it works.  It would NEVER go bad, would it?

How do you impress advertising into pavement?

When it comes to Richter, you're better off not knowing.  Seriously.  Once you know, you can't un-know...You can only spend the rest of your life TRYING TO FORGET.

I'd impress my "advertising" into the pavement, but it would accidentally invent geophilia.  OOPSIE!

[LMNO]

I don't see why you can't just go and sharpen the street.

[Doktor Howl]

I don't see why you can't just go and sharpen the street.

Note to self:  Buy iron boots.