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Make Shift(happen)

Started by McMegaDeff, November 28, 2012, 05:55:10 AM

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McMegaDeff

November 28, 2012, 05:55:10 AM
still...
memory fades on darkened days
animalia
stranger
nothing stranger
anywhere

carry on lighting lightning
for heavens only gate is grating moon cheese

now stereophonetically it's all one word
sung in unison by seven seals

dropping knowlege
on survivalist hogs
is wasteful
only grateful are the dead

just because...

:evilmad:
all that aside, my penis is still bigger than yours.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#1
November 28, 2012, 06:09:27 AM
That's not actually that bad.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

McMegaDeff

#2
November 28, 2012, 06:24:06 AM
I'll take your lack of tomatoe throwing as a compliment :eek:
all that aside, my penis is still bigger than yours.

Dildo Argentino

#3
November 28, 2012, 08:24:58 AM Last Edit: November 28, 2012, 09:44:39 AM by holist
It is bad, though. I would advise encourage you to limit distribution of your poetry to people already well-disposed towards you for other reasons.
Not too keen on rigor, myself - reminds me of mortis

Dildo Argentino

#4
November 28, 2012, 08:25:56 AM
I mean, unless you are 12 to 15, in which case it is quite good.
Not too keen on rigor, myself - reminds me of mortis

The Good Reverend Roger

#5
November 28, 2012, 02:28:58 PM
Quote from: holist on November 28, 2012, 08:24:58 AM
It is bad, though.

WTF?  I AM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AGREEING WITH HIPPIES.

Stop that shit.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#6
November 28, 2012, 02:50:51 PM
I'm going to go in the opposite direction and suggest avoiding sharing your poetry with people who are gonna blow sunshine up your butt, and instead find a forum where people will give you honest critique, because in that pinealist word salad I see hints of internal rhythm and intention, and that shows potential of some kind.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

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