Porn Mad Libs (warning: slightly squicky. Potentially NWS.)

[The Wisdom Cube]

99% BITCH 1% ANGEL

[Issarlk]

More cuddles plz!

[LMNO]

Bumpity

[Suu]

 

They are extra funnay with inanimate objects.

[Darth Cupcake]

Going out drinking tonight. Shall print original post and bring along for mad-lib good times.

[LMNO]

Indeed.  If you can, please collect all results.

[Darth Cupcake]

Will do.

Will you be doing NaNoWriMo again this November?

[LMNO]

Probably not.  I simply don't have time.  Not to mention, my birthday cuts into a good weekend of time, and the thanksgovong holiday fucks it up too.

[Darth Cupcake]

Alas. My birthday is during Thanksgiving weekend, which makes for one hell of a crazy weekend. So usually the first two thirds of November is dedicated to me writing like a lunatic, then binge-celebrating for several days, then staying up for a few days straight to finish.

I will send you subliminal peer pressure to take it up again come November.

-DC
Annual NaNo attempter, almost as many times NaNo loser

[LMNO]

One year, I had the idea of just compiling everything I had written here during the month of November.  It was only mildly amusing.

[Darth Cupcake]

One of my friends tried doing a NaNo via LiveJournal.

These ideas are always better in theory than in practice.

[Darth Cupcake]

As requested, here is the results of our crazy mad-lib last night. Mind you, it seemed a whole lot funnier when I was several White Russians deep and reading it really loudly in a faux-macho voice at the outdoor seating section of a bar near Washington Square. So we'll see how it looks now that I'm sober and mostly hangover-free. Also, my contributions are infinitely better than those of my drinking buddy. Just for the record.




Ed turned to the stocky guy, and said, ,ÄúDave, I,Äôm going to be here a while.  Why don,Äôt you go back to Paul, and work over that little redheaded kumquat until this boy here is softened up a little more.  You won,Äôt even recognize him.,Äù  Ed reached back, and brought his free hand down with a smack on the upturned cheek of Steve,Äôs toaster oven.  ,ÄúIsn,Äôt that right, Ishmael?,Äù  Dave just nodded, and left the two to their own devices.  Or Ed,Äôs devices, anyway.  He reached between Steve,Äôs legs and found his flaccid watermelon, still sticky with Sarah,Äôs laundry.  He pushed his other hand deeper into Steve,Äôs paint bucket, and began prodding his subway, wanting to humiliate this hairless babyseal as well as abuse him.  His touch suddenly became surprisingly gentle, as his fingers traced Steve,Äôs soft antique Tiffany lamp, and caressed his low-hanging fern, just minutes ago begging to spill their scalding coffee all over an old lady at McDonald's.  Steve could feel his car begin to accommodate the man,Äôs fingers, and even though the burning hadn,Äôt really subsided, he could feel the manipulations of his chaos madjgickque and foreign policy beginning to have the mechanical biological effect Ed was looking for.  Steve tried to will away his snot, but was unable to fight the sensations emanating from his nasal cavity.

Ed chuckled.  ,ÄúLooks like you,Äôre kinda familiar with this stuff, huh?  Don,Äôt worry kid, you,Äôll get yours.  Maybe.,Äù  Ed withdrew the two fingers from Steve,Äôs exploding hedgehogs, spat a thick wad of spit and phlegm directly into his swiftly-closing Republican national convention, and then added another finger to the mix, driving his hand back into Steve,Äôs electromagnetic spectrum.  Steve groaned, the conflicting sensations of the fingers stretching his burning xylophone and his hard kaiser roll making him dizzy, and nauseous.  Ed let go of Steve,Äôs meatslicer, and gave him another vicious slap across the particle accelerator, Steve,Äôs reaction being to grind his hips into the pommel horse, trying to escape the sting, and the grinding once again giving himself pleasure as he rubbed against the soft leather.  Steve thought he knew what was coming next, and there didn,Äôt seem to be any way out of it, so he tried his best not to struggle, hoping his attacker would be brief.

When Ed felt his malodorous compliance, he knew he had won the first round. Now, to break him down further.  God, I love doing this, he thought.  He drew his hand from his beer bottle almost completely, tucked his thumb into his palm, and savagely thrust back inside with all four fingers, pushing hard to get his thumb past the muscled ring of Steve,Äôs wedding cake.  He could instantly feel Steve tense up again, and he yelled in pain.  ,ÄúShut up!,Äù shouted Ed, grabbing Steve by the hair and slamming his face down on the pommel horse again, fresh blood spurting out of his nose and dripping off the floor.  Ed dragged his hand through the puddle of blood collecting on the pommel, and then grasped his own hard malfunctioning transmission, a thin but lengthy piece of savagery now bright red, and lubricated with Steve,Äôs blood.  Ed played with his slipping clutch for a minute, trying to force the rest of his hand into Steve,Äôs Death Star, and then, releasing his army of angry stormtroopers and making a fist, punched the small of Steve,Äôs back as hard as he could.  Steve,Äôs body spasmed, and Ed jammed his other hand as hard as he could into his angry Wookiee.  Steve felt something tear in his luminiferous aether, and then an enormous mass was filling him up.  He tried to scream, but couldn,Äôt get any air into his lungs, and when Ed saw him try to regain his breath, he smashed Steve,Äôs face into the pommel horse again.  Ed felt the tight warmth of this boy,Äôs space-time continuum wrapped around his fist, and Ed,Äôs miniature pincer got even harder when he saw his wrist rimmed with a line of red.  Little asshat,Äôs home theatre will never be the same, he grinned to himself.  He looked around for someone to share his little victory with, but Dave had already headed back to Paul, apparently.  Ah well, Ed thought, more barber shop quartet serenades for me.  Grinning, he started working his hand deeper.

[LMNO]

 

[Payne]

Drunken bums.....

[Cain]

 

I tried to do a climate change treaty negotation version of this the other day, but there wasn't enough material in the topic for the text.