Mad at myself.

[Adios]

I am a drunk. Sometimes I can be a very mean kind of drunk.

It's the blackouts that bother me the most. From all accounts on the outside I function like I am sober. But then the next day I have to e told what I did. I have even said hurtful things to my wife, who I adore.

Why can't I just pass out like normal people? At least then I wouldn't cause harm. But, no, I can't.

This is the one part of myself that I detest, and to any and all, I apologize for being that way. Things I say are meaningless when I am like that.

Maybe I need to get help.

[Eartha-ly Delights]

Just be  careful what kind of help you seek. Detox might be a good idea if you expect bad withdrawals but steer clear of any 12 step bullshit...they get inside your head and suck the individual out of you. And they always get god involved in your reparations somehow.

[Adios]

Just be  careful what kind of help you seek. Detox might be a good idea if you expect bad withdrawals but steer clear of any 12 step bullshit...they get inside your head and suck the individual out of you. And they always get god involved in your reparations somehow.

Yeah, guess I just need to try to stop drinking at all. It seems if I have one i have 13.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

CB - Straight up, don't buy alcohol.  Don't have it in the house.  If you go out, don't order it.  If you go to friend's homes, don't drink.

You know this.  If you recognize there is a problem you are a long wway towards solving that problem and for you that means no alcohol.

Your other concern is now, what do you need to do to make sure you don't replace the alcohol with something as equally harmful for you.

Both of my parents were functioning drunks.  They are both dead, mainly because they chose not to stop, or rather they never admitted they had a problem.

I do not keep alcohol in the house, I rarely buy it except when I am having people over.  I recognized a long time ago my potential to drink myself to death.

[Adios]

CB - Straight up, don't buy alcohol.  Don't have it in the house.  If you go out, don't order it.  If you go to friend's homes, don't drink.

You know this.  If you recognize there is a problem you are a long wway towards solving that problem and for you that means no alcohol.

Your other concern is now, what do you need to do to make sure you don't replace the alcohol with something as equally harmful for you.

Both of my parents were functioning drunks.  They are both dead, mainly because they chose not to stop, or rather they never admitted they had a problem.

I do not keep alcohol in the house, I rarely buy it except when I am having people over.  I recognized a long time ago my potential to drink myself to death.

Good advice.

[Don Coyote]

Now things make sense.

[BadBeast]

Hey, CB, you also have to take into account that the meds you are on have a contra-indicative effect when mixed with Alcohol. This is probably a contributary factor to the blackouts. If you know when you're about to have that first shot, that it's not going to end well, then try the fuck not to have that first one. Be aware that mixing alcohol with pain meds is going to make you lose time and memory. Try to mix them as little as possible

I know it's easy to say, sat here, but I do know how hard it is. I did two years in rehab, six meetings a week, AA, & NA, and I stopped everything for pretty much all that time. I know all the dumbarsed excuses you give yourself, as a reason for that first hit of  booze, or gear, or whatever. I did that 12 step thing, or at least, paid it lip service while I was in rehab, I've fucked up many times since, (well, it was over 20 years ago) and I'm by no means clean or particularly serene, but I really do know what a fucking pinch you are in. No-one can do it for you, but I think there will be plenty of support if you need it. So if you ever need someone to bounce anything off of, or just to fuckin' yell at, I can take it, so long as you don't start throwing fucking snakes at me. okay? 

[Captain Utopia]

So if you ever need someone to bounce anything off of, or just to fuckin' yell at, I can take it, so long as you don't start throwing fucking snakes at me. okay? 

This.  I have no idea what you're going through, but I wish you all the best.

[Sir Fronkensteen, The Hawk]

I am a drunk. Sometimes I can be a very mean kind of drunk.

It's the blackouts that bother me the most. From all accounts on the outside I function like I am sober. But then the next day I have to e told what I did. I have even said hurtful things to my wife, who I adore.

Why can't I just pass out like normal people? At least then I wouldn't cause harm. But, no, I can't.

This is the one part of myself that I detest, and to any and all, I apologize for being that way. Things I say are meaningless when I am like that.

Maybe I need to get help.

All you need is a hug, man.

[Captain Utopia]

GTFO

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I've had some bouts of alcohol abuse/dependency but never to the point of regular blackouts.

That sounds really fucking serious man. I hope you get in touch with someone or some people you trust while your life is still intact.

There are other options besides the 12 steps, if you find that system repugnant, like me. I've certainly met some very kind people there, but the religious atmosphere is something I just cannot abide. I don't have the right glands.

Don't get me wrong, I think some people benefit from it and it may be worth a sincere effort if you haven't ever tried it, but there are also people who go through experienced clinicians, learn to kick it on their own and all sorts of bizarre shit that you never would think would work, but did for a tiny minority.

There's no way to know what will work for you until you get out there, put in some work and examine the results.

[Adios]

Thanks all. I have determined as soon as it is gone then it is gone. Tonight I have made myself count and thusly have reduced my intake plus I have avoided pain killers.

[Aucoq]

Thanks all. I have determined as soon as it is gone then it is gone. Tonight I have made myself count and thusly have reduced my intake plus I have avoided pain killers.

That sounds like a great start!  I'm so proud of you, CB.  Keep up the good work, ok? 

[Eartha-ly Delights]

Thanks all. I have determined as soon as it is gone then it is gone. Tonight I have made myself count and thusly have reduced my intake plus I have avoided pain killers.

Good. Don't pickle that lovely mind of yours....I want to hear more of your stories.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

I am a drunk. Sometimes I can be a very mean kind of drunk.

It's the blackouts that bother me the most. From all accounts on the outside I function like I am sober. But then the next day I have to e told what I did. I have even said hurtful things to my wife, who I adore.

Why can't I just pass out like normal people? At least then I wouldn't cause harm. But, no, I can't.

This is the one part of myself that I detest, and to any and all, I apologize for being that way. Things I say are meaningless when I am like that.

Maybe I need to get help.

That's a lot to have on your mind dude.

I think you need a drink.