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The Richter Rules: A Survival Guide

Started by The Good Reverend Roger, August 01, 2012, 02:48:35 AM

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Luna

#15
August 13, 2012, 02:11:05 AM
Quote from: leln on August 13, 2012, 01:37:26 AM
Quote from: Luna on August 12, 2012, 08:12:51 PM
Do not read this safety guide to The Richter while he is driving an overloaded vehicle at unsafe speeds.

Oops.

:lulz:

But you survived long enough to post about it, right? I suppose that's just another side effect of The Richter.

Side rule:  If you break any of these safety precautions, it quite possible he WILL leave at least one survivor to carry the tale... but not always... and death might actually be preferable to the psychic damage left by the experience.

Quote from: leln on August 13, 2012, 01:37:26 AM
-Never leave The Richter alone with anything sharpenable. If left unsupervised, he'll put an edge on a ball of yarn. And for the record, you do not want to be there when he does

:lulz:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Richter

#16
August 13, 2012, 12:11:03 PM
To ensure containment, the Richter is to be allowed nothing more dangerous than 12 cm of string at any time.  The Richter has been observed to manufacture everything from trousers to impact tools with sufficient cordage.

Giving the Richter a knife is not advised, but does speed things up.  Same applies for marlin spikes, hammers, or locking pliers.

The Richter can use a blowtorch to do an alarming number of things.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

The Good Reverend Roger

#17
August 13, 2012, 01:30:11 PM
Quote from: Richter, Baron von on August 13, 2012, 12:11:03 PM
To ensure containment, the Richter is to be allowed nothing more dangerous than 12 cm of string at any time.  The Richter has been observed to manufacture everything from trousers to impact tools with sufficient cordage.

Giving the Richter a knife is not advised, but does speed things up.  Same applies for marlin spikes, hammers, or locking pliers.

The Richter can use a blowtorch to do an alarming number of things.

While LMNO uses his Big Gay Cowboy powers to save children from velociraptors, Richter just wants shit sharp.  Everything.  Bowling balls.  Your skull.  The slide at the park.  It's not that Richter is evil, he's just focused.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

leln

#18
August 14, 2012, 01:40:22 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 13, 2012, 01:30:11 PM
While LMNO uses his Big Gay Cowboy powers to save children from velociraptors, Richter just wants shit sharp.  Everything.  Bowling balls.  Your skull.  The slide at the park.  It's not that Richter is evil, he's just focused.

Don't be coy, you know darned well that anywhere The Richter focuses, epicenters shuffle meekly into line. Everything else is just a side effect.
[initially a "Rabid Wombat of the Eastern Intertubes." Now the] Glorious Peoples' Revolutionary Wombat of Wrath and Righteous Retribution.

"If you speak out of turn again, I will unscrew your neckpipe and use the resulting hole for my lavatory.  And I have one fuck of a case of the squirts today."

The Good Reverend Roger

#19
August 14, 2012, 01:44:38 AM
Quote from: leln on August 14, 2012, 01:40:22 AM
Quote from: Dirty Old Uncle Roger on August 13, 2012, 01:30:11 PM
While LMNO uses his Big Gay Cowboy powers to save children from velociraptors, Richter just wants shit sharp.  Everything.  Bowling balls.  Your skull.  The slide at the park.  It's not that Richter is evil, he's just focused.

Don't be coy, you know darned well that anywhere The Richter focuses, epicenters shuffle meekly into line. Everything else is just a side effect.

"Side effect" sounds so sanitary.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Freeky

#20
August 14, 2012, 01:52:29 AM
Please note that The Richter operates on supernatural ninja powers. In the event that physics fail to be laws and are instead more like guidelines, do not be alarmed. Close your eyes and just wait for the universe to right itself.

Suu

#21
August 14, 2012, 02:26:22 AM
 :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Luna

#22
August 14, 2012, 01:49:32 PM
Quote from: Freeky Queen of DERP on August 14, 2012, 01:52:29 AM
Please note that The Richter operates on supernatural ninja powers. In the event that physics fail to be laws and are instead more like guidelines, do not be alarmed. Close your eyes and just wait for the universe to right itself.

Do not close your eyes near The Richter.  He'll fucking vanish if you're looking straight at him, anyway, and you NEVER know what he might be sharpening when you're not looking.
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
Pagan-Stomping Valkyrie of the Interbutts™
Rampaging Slayer of Shit-Fountain Habitues

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
If Luna was a furry, she'd sex humans and scream "BEASTIALITY!" at the top of her lungs at inopportune times.

Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

Quote
"Stop talking to yourself.  You don't like you any better than anyone else who knows you."

Richter

#23
August 15, 2012, 01:11:31 AM
The Richter may cause California in your cancer.

The Richter has no business running a stealth system, but does anyways.

Tossing the Richter a steak will only help if it is properly prepared, because the last thing you want is a cooking lesson.  Just like you would never want Hastur to sub in for Alton Brown.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Freeky

#24
August 15, 2012, 01:36:15 AM
Quote from: Richter, Baron von on August 15, 2012, 01:11:31 AM
The Richter may cause California in your cancer.

The Richter has no business running a stealth system, but does anyways.

Tossing the Richter a steak will only help if it is properly prepared, because the last thing you want is a cooking lesson.  Just like you would never want Hastur to sub in for Alton Brown.

This just begs the question of how the Richter prefers steak.

Richter

#25
August 15, 2012, 01:57:33 AM
I only take my steak one way.  Orally.
Quote from: Eater of Clowns on May 22, 2015, 03:00:53 AM
Anyone ever think about how Richter inhabits the same reality as you and just scream and scream and scream, but in a good way?   :lulz:

Friendly Neighborhood Mentat

Freeky

#26
August 15, 2012, 02:15:13 AM
Quote from: Richter, Baron von on August 15, 2012, 01:57:33 AM
I only take my steak one way.  Orally.

Any other way just ruins the flavor IMO.
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