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Eating oranges is for pussies

Started by East Coast Hustle, December 01, 2011, 08:03:56 PM

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East Coast Hustle

I bought 20+ pounds of fresh local grapes at the farmers market yesterday afternoon.

When I got home, I started eating grapes.

I ate grapes while making grape jelly.

I ate grapes while making grape juice.

I ate grapes while smoking on the patio and playing angry birds.

I ate grapes while cleaning my kitchen after the grape-ocalypse.

All in all I ate about 3 pounds of grapes, seeds and all.

I woke up at 5am and found out exactly how fast I could sprint to the bathroom.

In the subsequent 7 hours since my bowels first woke me, I have shat 4 more times in various violet hues. The last 3 have literally been nothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus. They're scratchy little bastards, to be sure. Now it's lunchtime and I want to walk down to An Xuyen bakery and get a couple of banh mi sandwiches for lunch, but I'm afraid to leave the house and make the 10 minute round-trip walk.

But I'm still hungry. There's gotta be something in the apartment to eat.

Oh, yeah, there's 15 pounds of grapes. Anybody wanna come over for lunch?
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Cain

I'm down for a grape-eating constest.  I'm actually not sure if the store next door stocks grapes.  They should do...I hope so.  Because I am going to grape the fuck out.

Who's with me?

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Freeky

:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

 :x

My grapes are done for the year... but I know from experience exactly what that's like.
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Cramulus

Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.

How does extreme graping compare to drinking an equivalent volume of wine?


Freeky

Quote from: Cramulus on December 01, 2011, 09:57:21 PM
Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.



Don't forget about what happened to your pants.  I sure won't. :lulz:

East Coast Hustle

Quote from: Science me, babby on December 01, 2011, 09:37:50 PM
:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D

yeah, I got a sweet deal on them for buying in bulk. The stand at the farmers market was selling them for $1 a pound anyway but when I asked what my $17 would get me, the guy just gave me an entire tote box of grapes.

Quote from: Cramulus on December 01, 2011, 09:57:21 PM
Ugh sounds awful! The furthest I ever made it in the orange eating contest was like 9 oranges, and it made my toilet look like a post-BP tropicana grovestand.

How does extreme graping compare to drinking an equivalent volume of wine?



I've drank enough wine to end up shitting my pants because I forgot to go to the bathroom, but no amount of wine has ever caused a literally unstoppable explosion.
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Freeky

Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 01, 2011, 10:36:47 PM
Quote from: Science me, babby on December 01, 2011, 09:37:50 PM
:(  Grapes are too expensive for me to participate in.

As long as the orange eating contest doesn't get thrown out, I'd love to watch one. :D

yeah, I got a sweet deal on them for buying in bulk. The stand at the farmers market was selling them for $1 a pound anyway but when I asked what my $17 would get me, the guy just gave me an entire tote box of grapes.


Awesome.

Cramulus


Triple Zero

Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 01, 2011, 08:03:56 PMnothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

ASS-GRAPED
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Pæs

Quote from: Triple Zero on December 02, 2011, 09:25:50 AM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 01, 2011, 08:03:56 PMnothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

ASS-GRAPED
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:

Luna

Quote from: Triple Zero on December 02, 2011, 09:25:50 AM
Quote from: Fuck You One-Eye on December 01, 2011, 08:03:56 PMnothing but a clump of grape skins and seeds, loosely held together by extraneous fecal matter. I have had to dig 3 grapeseeds out of my own anus

SOUNDS LIKE SOMEBODY GOT ...

:putin:

ASS-GRAPED

:spittake:
Death-dealing hormone freak of deliciousness
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Quote from: The Payne on November 16, 2011, 07:08:55 PM
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Quote from: Nigel on March 24, 2011, 01:54:48 AM
I like the Luna one. She is a good one.

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bds

Whenever I eat a bowl of grapes, my shits get a bit messed up for the rest of the day. I can only imagine how messed up they would become if I were to consume more. Also  :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: :lulz: @ OP & TRIP

Jenne

So THAT's where you've been--you've been eating and shitting grapes!

I'd join in the fun, but it would probably go awry with my current condition.