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There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.

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Who the hell are you and why are you here!!!!???

Started by zarathustrasbastardson, November 14, 2012, 12:12:39 AM

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Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: American Jackal on November 22, 2012, 06:24:12 PM
Quote from: FROTISTED FUDGE CAK on November 22, 2012, 05:42:12 AM
Quote from: zarathustrasbastardson on November 21, 2012, 10:47:36 PM
on the truth tip...
y'all are just world class spoiled pricks...

Yeah, totally. We're all handsome, muscular upper-middle-class white males reeking of privilege, dude. You nailed it.

I CAN'T HELP IT IF I WAS BORN THIS WAY. STOP OPPRESSING ME LIKE THAT.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS BEING THE DOMINANT ETHNIC AND GENDER.

:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Freeky


Dildo Argentino

Quote from: American Jackal on November 22, 2012, 06:24:12 PM
I CAN'T HELP IT IF I WAS BORN THIS WAY. STOP OPPRESSING ME LIKE THAT.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT IS BEING THE DOMINANT ETHNIC AND GENDER.

Yes, you can help it. Just stop moving about so much, eat a couple of pounds of lard each day for a few years, and go completely over the top on dodgy tanning beds.

If you can't even do that, just keep suffering.

:lulz:
Not too keen on rigor, myself - reminds me of mortis

Cain

A renewal of the traditional values that have been the tendons of this country's strength. One recent survey by a Washington-based researcher concluded that Americans were far more willing to participate in cannibalism then they have in the past hundred years. America is a nation that will not suffer abominations lightly. Seven. And that is the core of the awakening. Twelve. Eighteen. We will stop al-Qaeda. Now there you go again.

For the first time we have risen, and I see we are being consumed. I see circles that are not circles. Billions of dead souls inside containment. Unravellers have eaten country's moral fabric, turning hearts into filth. I'm from a kingdom level above human. What does that yield? A hokey smile that damns an entire nation.

Further consensus has proven that over half of all Americans still hate. Eaten whole by void. The emptiness. The sadness. The blackness. The darkness. <laughter>

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

I have no idea what that is, but can I copypasta it?
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Don Coyote


Cain

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1981

QuoteSCP-1981 is a standard Betamax tape. "RONALD REGAN CUT UP WHILE TALKING)"(sic) has been handwritten on the adhesive sticker in felt tip pen. Laboratory analysis indicates that SCP-1981 is made of ordinary material, and serial numbers correspond with home cassette tapes produced in September of 1980. SCP-1981 was initially encountered by a filing clerk in the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in 1991, who upon watching it alerted the police, with the intent to find the tape's creator to press "obscenity charges". A low level police investigation was conducted, at which point the Foundation was alerted and secured SCP-1981. Class A amnesiacs were administered before █████ could be notified. Further investigation of the library's records by Foundation personnel failed to yield any leads on SCP-1981's origin.

SCP-1981 appears to be a home video recording of former United States President Ronald Reagan delivering his "Evil Empire" speech to the National Association of Evangelicals at Sheraton Twin Towers Hotel, Orlando, FL on 3/8/1983. However, At 1 minute and 10 seconds, the speech begins to deviate heavily, eventually resembling no known speech ever made by Reagan. Beginning at approximately 5 minutes, multiple incisions, lacerations and penetration wounds can be seen being slowly inflicted, though no corresponding source of these wounds is visible. Despite suffering bodily harm that would likely incapacitate an ordinary person, Reagan will continue to deliver his speech until either his vocal cords are severed or the tape degrades to static at 22:34.

Upon rewinding SCP-1981 and initating playback, Reagan will deliver an entirely new speech, often radically different from the ones previously observed. Topics have included torture, child molestation and ritual sacrifice. Trauma inflicted upon Reagan also appears to be divergent, with impalement, genital mutilation, and [REDACTED] having all been observed. In roughly one in seven viewings of SCP-1981, a figure clothed in black robes with a conical hood will have replaced a random member of Reagan's press detail, henceforth referred to as SCP-1981-1. The significance of the appearance of SCP-1981-1 is currently unknown.

Cainad (dec.)

Damn, that's a good one! I haven't been paying attention to SCP in a while, figured I'd seen all the good stuff.

Cain

Yeah, I was on /x/ when they first started doing these, but I had pretty much ignored them until yesterday, when someone linked me to the Wiki.

I rather like this one, too

http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1050

QuoteSCP-1050-1 is a large obelisk made of solid obsidian, with approximate dimensions of 1.48 meters by 1.48 meters by 30.5 meters.2 According to obsidian hydration dating of the obelisk, the obelisk itself was carved approximately 48,9██ years ago. Microscopic scans indicate that it is perfectly shaped at the molecular level, indicating creation requiring technology in advance of that available at the present. The obelisk is covered by a variety of writing scripts, all apparently containing the same message, and all apparently carved with the same exact precision as the obelisk itself. The surface of the obelisk appears to be subdivided into eighty 1.48 meter by 1.48 meter sections, each with a distinct form of writing. Of the eighty sections, ██ of them have been filled in. Images of several of the carvings on SCP-1050 are in Addendum 3. Linguistic analysis of the scripts indicates the following (in chronological order by age, except as noted):

    ██ as yet unidentified scripts bearing no resemblance to any known language or writing style, past or present, with carving dates ranging from 48,███ years ago to ██ years ago. These are presumed to contain the same message as the other scripts.
    A script of unknown origin dating to the creation of the obelisk, whose spelling and grammatical structure resembles early forms of ancient Latin, though the alphabet and numeral system are completely different.
    Jiahu symbols3
    Akkadian Cuneiform
    Egyptian Hieroglyphs
    Linear A4
    Olmec script5
    Classical Latin
    Early Medieval Swedish Runes
    Modern English (circa 1891)
    Modern Russian (circa 1943)

The scripts all appear to contain the same message. The following is the English version of the message, as written on SCP-1050-1 (footnotes provide conjectural annotations by the research team):

QuoteBeware the Destroyers. They come by the millions from the Realm of Darkness which extends where no stars shine. For a thousand generations They slumber, lying in wait. Great nations rise and flourish. There is peace and prosperity. Then comes the Dark Times; then They Return. They cull and burn. They are warped, and move beyond the pale, bigger than any man, unnatural births. Every nail, claw-scale and spur, every spike and welt on the hand of those heathen brutes is as barbed steel. It is said there is no honed iron hard enough to pierce Them through, no time proofed blade that can cut Their brutal blood caked claws. Armies are raised and cut down like grasses before a scythe – it is said the armies of Amorah and Suhdom, each ten thousand strong, were swept away between a single rising and setting sun. Heroes come forth and are slaughtered. Lightning and fire rain from the sky and the whole earth trembles. They are as a deluge, a powerful flood that washes away entire mighty nations and empires. The people pray for deliverance from the gods. The gods fight the Destroyers, but their efforts are in vain. Iapetos, Ausare, Ehecatl, Souchang – all perished. The Destroyers are to the gods as the gods are to men and men are to insects: cold and vast and unsympathetic. The wise flee Them; the lucky escape. Fifty score great vessels were launched to seek refuge from Them; only those led by Satyavrata, Utnapishtim, Noach, and Deucalion escaped. The Dark Ones vanquish all before Them. They have come before since before time began. Now They slumber. They will return. Beware the Destroyers.

13 057 935 897. 13 057 987 212. 13 082 937 367. 13 082 989 898. 13 097 951 299. 13 098 004 240. 13 154 950 029. 13 154 997 841. 13 171 943 486. 13 171 996 357. 13 175 947 117. 13 175 997 684. 13 179 942 287. 13 179 990 180. 13 183 948 781. 13 183 999 048. 13 232 952 474. 13 233 001 388. 13 281 951 481. 13 282 002 364. 13 329 941 108. 13 329 990 159. 13 348 945 350. 13 348 994 654. 13 394 942 237. 13 394 994 635. 13 416 953 628. 13 417 005 920. 13 454 440 174. 13 454 492 033. 13 482 944 398. 13 482 991 663. 13 534 433 334. 13 534 484 218. 13 566 069 136. 13 566 119 652. 13 585 446 914. 13 585 499 555. 13 599 896 703. 13 599 945 679. Proclaimed again by Her Majesty Victoria, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland Queen, Defender of the Faith, Empress of India, in the Year of Our Lord Eighteen Hundred Ninety-One.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."